Hi
I am also waiting for Andrea's answer.
I am 37 years old female. Same loneliness, depression, anxiety.

The difference: I push away people because I get angry.

You describe your problem very well. I have similar problem, I keep people at a distance because I fear being hurt, betrayed, or loss (because I lost many loved ones in the past). I did a lot of inner healing and inner child work and found loving and accepting yourself 100% is important. I am interested in A's response to you. Thanks for your post.

From one point of perspective your life seems to be falling apart, but from another it is actually coming together. Like so many people now, you find a part of you and your life withering away or dying off. You are compelled to let go of what was never you in the first place, just roles you played and experiences you had. There is a reawakening occuring in you that can no longer be satisfied with the ordinary. Yor relationships meet with resistance. The resistance is due to an inner drive to be complete and whole within and not just take from another in order to fill yourself up for a little while.

Being alone is a test of how you are able yet to be self-sufficient and self-reliant in life. Most people need to go through a period of loneliness to be able to be perfectly content with being alone. Leaning on others to find your happiness is but a fleeting experience of satisfaction, but usually ends in conflict. If your relationships do not work out for the time being, it is in your favor, for it allows you to complete yourself. To become whole, you are asked to free yourself from the limitations of all old identities, friends, close relationships, jobs, fears, guilt and shame. This happens regardless of whether your personality self agrees with it or not. If you resist it, it is released through the body, causing inflammation and pain. The end result will be the same, but if you put up resistance (due to fear) to what is happening in your life, physical and emotional pain will take you there. We all have the choice to see a glass half empty or half full. You can choose to see whatever happens in your life as a blessing (even though disguised) of as something bad that needs to be avoided.

Pain equals resistance. The bigger the resistance the stronger is the pain. Accepting of whatever is coming to you in life and allowing yourself to see the positive conterpart of a negative situation (and there always is one), you won''t need pain to let go your old attachments. I recommend that you read Lifting the Veil of Duality, to learn to see and expect the blessings in all negative situation. By doing so, your own energy energizes and increases what you really want in your life. You can never be without so called adverse situations in life, but you can learn to see their positive essence and this increase its presence in your life. This will reduce and finally remove all fears. Since nothing is really negative or bad (even if we try to convince ourselves or others of such a notion), there is no reason to be afraid of anything.

I often assist people on this path through Sacred Santemony (see my website). If this is something you resonate with, you may contact me for such a session.

Andreas

I read your ost and you are not lone. We all have issues. Hope this helpps!