I loved flying more than anything before my NDE. I dreamed of becoming a military pilot. I hated the enemies of America because my preacher told me that Communists were evil men and the enemies of God. IThe military was my way to achieve my desire to destroy the enemies of God. I learned to fly airplanes when I was fifteen. I threw three paper routes and paid for my own flight lessons. It was my true love. I fantisized the destruction of Communist Russia and dreamed of flying on a one way mission to destroy Moscow with a nuclear bomb(sound familiar). I joined the military and learned everything I could about the enemy. Reagan told me that Russia was a part of the "Evil Empire." I would gladly sacrifice my life for God and Country. When we sang, "Blood makes the grass grow, Kill! KIll,!"
I sang along but I knew somehow that that way of thinking was not "Christian" but I thought that perhaps it was a necessary evil that the military must be evil to protect the greater good. When I flew while I was in th military, it took me away from there. When I flew it put me close to God but there was so many layers of programming to deprogram...I am still in that process today...

Aligators will eat their own kind. I am forever trying to stand up for the underdog. I have a changed sense of giving and receiving. You get waht you give and I am so glad God loves even me...even everyone... Sound like a cliche but it is true...God love even you....From that place of knowing the value of every human soul, I have a sense of social injustice that I never had before my NDE.
That was not me before my NDE.


The enemy changed from Russia to Iran, while I was in the Army. I took it in stride and eagerly accepted this new enemy as the greatest threat to America. Slogans like Nuke em' til they glow and let's turn Iran into an ocean of glass(from the heat of the nukes in the sand. When America was ready to go to war with Iran,
I imagined Reagan as a truly Godly man and Jimmy Carter as a weakling who needed to be ousted. I imagine that if Cater were re-elected that he should be assasinated and Reagan or a Military General should become the leader of America. This is who I was before my NDE.

When I returned from my NDE, I could not go back to that church that preached hate from the pulpit, I could not stay in an Army that was truly the exact opposite of God's Army. I longer hated Russians or Iranians and I didn't want to kill anyone. Hate was falling off of me like layers of an onion and every year another layer keeps being taken away from me. I imagined how God saw my countries enemies and I knew God loved them more than the greatest love I could imagine. God was love before my NDE, but I had replaced a God who is love with some type of super patriot God who loved only America. I knew deep down that God was love but there was disconnect from what I knew in my spirit to what I knew in my mind. My NDE was a wake up call.

I am a pacifist now but even now I don't know how true that is. I know that I would stop a home invader, so there could still be a murderer hiding in me. I am not that person who could hate any more. I don't hate anyone. I don't even hate the people who hate me. That doesn't mean I don't see their hate. I just see that they are where I once was. If they could only see God the way God is, now that would stop all wars and we could live in peace.

I know I am not perfect though. Far from it. I am here still. If I was perfect, I would walk right out of this body. I have a lot left to learn. Human love is very hard to understand. But it is the next best thing to God's love. I keep failing at it though.
I do try to make my life about helping others and loving them the way God loves them. It hasn't worked real well with relationships but I do see that as my occupation. God gave me a pattern for seeing others that pattern makes it difficult to do anything that isn't related to helping others. God I think I have a high tolerance of other people's anger but I can be pushed into an argument. I can be mean and cruel but loving-kindness is my mantra.

I know you get to take all of the love you give and all of the love you get in the next life so my priorities are a little different from most. While many people find that their goal is to make as much money as possible, I think I should do as much good as possible. A lot different than that misguided soldier of long ago. I am kind to store clerks & people I don't know but I fail much more with those who are closest to me. My NDE did not make me perfect or I would be finished with this body. I still have sexual desire and that keeps me here as well. I eat food and that weighs me dow also. I know that love in heaven is greater than sex and the love in heaven fills one to the brim...no hunger or tears...no sorrow.. that is all true...but I still hunger and thirst and cry full tears... I still become sad when I see cruelty and see cruelty...God does not...God sees only love... I am not there yet...so I am still here...


I didn't fear death before my NDE but it was not from a place of knowing...I consiously know that there is no sting in death and that changes the way I live this life...I gave up flying long ago but I have replaced flying with another kind of dream. I dream of a day when we will all sing our own unique song but sing that song in harmony.







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I loved flying more than anything before my NDE. I dreamed of becoming a military pilot. I hated the enemies of America because my preacher told me that Communists were evil men and the enemies of God. IThe military was my way to achieve my desire to destroy the enemies of God. I learned to fly airplanes when I was fifteen. I threw three paper routes and paid for my own flight lessons. It was my true love. I fantisized the destruction of Communist Russia and dreamed of flying on a one way mission to destroy Moscow with a nuclear bomb(sound familiar). I joined the military and learned everything I could about the enemy. Reagan told me that Russia was a part of the "Evil Empire." I would gladly sacrifice my life for God and Country. When we sang, "Blood makes the grass grow, Kill! KIll,!"
I sang along but I knew somehow that that way of thinking was not "Christian" but I thought that perhaps it was a necessary evil that the military must be evil to protect the greater good.


The enemy changed from Russia to Iran, while I was in the Army. I took it in stride and eagerly accepted this new enemy as the greatest threat to America. Slogans like Nuke em' til they glow and let's turn Iran into an ocean of glass(from the heat of the nukes in the sand. When America was ready to go to war with Iran,
I imagined Reagan as a truly Godly man and Jimmy Carter as a weakling who needed to be ousted. I imagine that if Cater were re-elected that he should be assasinated and Reagan or a Military General should become the leader of America. This is who I was before my NDE.

When I returned from my NDE, I could not go back to that church that preached hate from the pulpit, I could not stay in an Army that was truly the exact opposite of God's Army. I longer hated Russians or Iranians and I didn't want to kill anyone. Hate was falling off of me like layers of an onion and every year another layer keeps being taken away from me. I imagined how God saw my countries enemies and I knew God loved them more than the greatest love I could imagine. God was love before my NDE, but I had replaced a God who is love with some type of super patriot God who loved only America. I knew deep down that God was love but there was disconnect from what I knew in my spirit to what I knew in my mind. My NDE was a wake up call.

I am a pacifist now but even now I don't know how true that is. I know that I would stop a home invader, so there could still be a murderer hiding in me. I am not that person who could hate any more. I don't hate anyone. I don't even hate the people who hate me. That doesn't mean I don't see their hate. I just see that they are where I once was. If they could only see God the way God is, now that would stop all wars and we could live in peace.

I know I am not perfect though. Far from it. I am here still. If I was perfect, I would walk right out of this body. I have a lot left to learn. Human love is very hard to understand. But it is the next best thing to God's love. I keep failing at it though.
I do try to make my life about helping others and loving them the way God loves them. It hasn't worked real well with relationships but I do see that as my occupation. God gave me a pattern for seeing others that pattern makes it difficult to do anything that isn't related to helping others. God I think I have a high tolerance of other people's anger but I can be pushed into an argument. I can be mean and cruel but loving-kindness is my mantra.

I know you get to take all of the love you give and all of the love you get in the next life so my priorities are a little different from most. While many people find that their goal is to make as much money as possible, I think I should do as much good as possible. A lot different than that misguided soldier of long ago. I am kind to store clerks & people I don't know but I fail much more with those who are closest to me. My NDE did not make me perfect or I would be finished with this body. I still have sexual desire and that keeps me here as well. I eat food and that weighs me dow also. I know that love in heaven is greater than sex and the love in heaven fills one to the brim...no hunger or tears...no sorrow.. that is all true...but I still hunger and thirst and cry full tears... I still become sad when I see cruelty and see cruelty...God does not...God sees only love... I am not there yet...so I am still here...