I don't mean to be indelicate to your situation, and this response may upset some people, but this statement: "Then I think they would be better off with someone who can teach them better."
This statement is about the most selfish thing I think I have ever heard. Come on! WHAT a cop-out that is!!! “I think my children going through emotional pain and loss that may be the greatest they will ever feel in their _entire_ life and permanently wreck and emotionally scar them, would be in their best interests.”
What you need to do, is go out and make a new life for yourself. Break this pattern. Set up the habits that will get you to a happier place. Sometimes changing the outside first will cause change to happen on the inside. Pray to your maker-- whatever your faith, religion, spiritual beliefs, or name you have for God-- it doesn’t matter. Prayer works!! Pray for God to help you. Pray for the strength to get through this and the strength to make the outside changes you need to.
Start doing things the people posting before me suggested, like establishing a routine that gets you out and involved in things other than yourself. Join a club, join a free yoga class, help out as a volunteer somewhere. Community and non-profits programs are great because they will often expose you to people who are committed to giving to others, and bettering themselves--people with strong belief systems. That’s a good thing, because it is important for you to get yourself around people who are focused on connection with God.
Get yourself out at least 3 times a week. The best activities are those that focus on others, but anything that puts you in contact with positive people who have a mission will do. If you need to find something to do that you can take your kids to, then do that. Just get out. Set goals for yourself and go out whether you feel like it or not. Remember you are trying to program your outside. Inner change will come later. After you establish a regular routine, you will develop interests and concerns outside yourself. They will first give you a purpose, then absorb your attention, then inspire you, and give you something to look forward to. Change will be happening on the inside due to all of these things, and you will feel better about your life, because it will be better. You'll also have some great reasons to feel good about yourself. But for now just worry about outside changes.
I know it might seem like a lot to do anything right now, but inaction will only make things harder. No day is an easier day to start making changes than the present. Even if you only take tiny steps, tiny steps get you to places no steps can’t. Another thing I would do to start this process, is to give yourself a little emotional boost to help you get started. Please hear this part, I know that what I am about to say might not make sense, but please hear it because it is really important. You need to feel some emotional strength to help you do what you need to do. Prayer is important, but please also go out _tonight_ and buy yourself Bach Flower “Rescue Remedy” and “Star of Bethlehem,” and start taking them. You can get that at almost any health-food store; just call one. If you take four drops of each every four hours during the day, you will start to feel a lot less despondent. I’m not saying it will take away the problem, but I really believe it can help you get it to a level where you feel like it is at least bearable. If you feel like nothing will work for you and everything is hopeless then you might want to start by taking “Gorse,” and then start with the others in a day or two. They are about fourteen dollars a bottle, so if you can only get two then get the first two. I really hope you will do this TODAY. Especially if you feel you don’t have the will to commit to outside changes.
I wish you all the best of luck, and I hope you will let us know how you are doing.
Gardeninginthefog