Dear Natalie,
Your message brought tears to my eyes. I can feel your pain in your words and can see that you love your mother very much. You can feel very helpless when someone you love, especially your mom, cannot seem to be brought back from that dark place of drug addiction. I know this because i was addicted to crystal meth-amphetamine for about a year.....6 years ago. I would leave my house to go off with people i called "friends" while my son stood crying at the door begging me not to go. I felt guilty at the time, so i told my so called "friends" to drive away fast......but soon, like your mother, i found myself pregnant.....but it was this pregnancy that took me away from drugs. I realized that i was miserable living the life of a drug addict. I left the town i was living in and refused to associate with people that would drag me down.....I feel guilty till this day and the hardest part of it all was gaining back the trust of my oldest son and my sister. There were other women who i used to hang with back then and all of them have lost their children to the court system. They seem to be lost, and i thank god everyday that i was able to pull myself out and became aware of where my life was leading. When i read your post, i could see my son standing at the door crying for me and i wish that your mom could realize that you love her very much. Although i don't want to say that you have to give up on her.....thats not the answer....but you need to be strong for yourself and make a better life for yourself. It must be hard having to grow up that way, but i should hope that you will be a stronger and wiser woman for it...............bless you and know you are not alone.....drug addiction touches every family.............You sound like a wonderful girl and i hope you have a happy day, every day.......mauirain (maui hawaii)