26 and never had a boyfriend...why c... 
Hilfesuchend
21 y
9,896
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I am a 26-year old female, and I'm at a point in my life where everything seems to be going great. Until now I travelled a lot, lived in several countries and had wonderful experiences with many different people which made me a very open-minded, understanding, easy-to-be-around person. I am now starting to "settle down", I have a very good responsible job which I love, I make good money, I have very good friends, etc. etc. One thing that concerns me even though I try not to let it bother me too much is that I've never had a boyfriend - and I'm going to be 27 this summer!! I used to be rather relaxed about this and kept thinking that the right one is out there for sure, so I never actually started LOOKING for someone, I just automatically assumed that one day we would find each other and then live happily ever after...;-)
It's not like I'm a very introvert, shy person, I don't have a problem getting to know people, I don't think I'm boring and I have a lot of interests. I do have very good friends, and most of my really close friends are actually male. I think my problem is that I don't fall in love very easily, for example it absolutelz NEVER happens to me that I see a good looking guy and think "Wow! I just HAVE to have him!".
The only time I fall in love is when I start feeling attracted to someone's inner beauty, and then it's too late because by that time we're close friends already and all I am to him is a "buddy" and at the same time by that time I am scared of telling him about my feelings because it might ruin our friendship. I've been in love twice in my life and both times that's how it was. I get to hear about his woman problems, he calls me when he met a new girl and tells me how great she is and how in love he is, I cover for him when he did something that she's not supposed to know about. I'm the only woman his girlfriends aren't worried or jealous about. He tells me he loves me and that he would never let one of his girlfriends come between us.
I feel like I'm SO ready for a relationship but for some reason my concept of having a great friend AND partner does have some minor flaws...
I would be really grateful if someone out there could give me some advice on how to fall in love.Advertisement
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- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... tdonald
21 y
5,776
MoreThis is a reply to # 331,198"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." -David Grayson
Could you say more about what and how you fall in love. How will you know you are in love? What has to happen?
Best,
Tom- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... Hilfesuchend
21 y
5,642
This is a reply to # 331,199Dear Tom,
Thanks for your reply. It's very complicated to explain as I don't understand it myself, and in addition to that English is not my mother tongue so some things are very difficult to express if you don't have the right words. Nothing particular happens, it's just that all of a sudden I have a totally different view of the guy who used to be a close friend. I get to know him better and better, and the more I know him the more comfortable I feel around him and somehow it keeps growing. It just gradually develops and then one morning I wake up thinking "Hey, this is a really wonderful guy!"
But at the same time I think that I have an extreme fear of getting hurt, so subconsciously I "prevent" being hurt by not permitting myself to fall in love in the first place. Or just plain denying that I'm in love with someone. Does that make sense? I personally think that it's a very cowardly attitude but for some reason I can't do anything about it.
I'm still convinced that one day it'll all work out for me but in the meantime, I feel a little under pressure even though I try not to let it influence me too much. But in my very huge family there's one of my uncles who is close to 40 and who never had a girlfriend in his life, and poor him is getting picked on a lot from his numerous brothers and sisters who are all married with millions of children. I just don't want to be him in 10 years, poor him. When I was a kid, I thought it was funny how they picked on him but when I got older I started to realize how much it must hurt him and that he really had to deal with a lot of very spiteful comments and I started to defend him. Everytime I'm with my family, I can tell that they are starting to wonder about me as well...well screw them but still it's not easy to not care about your family thinking that you are a spinster (which I'm not!).Advertisement
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- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... tdonald
21 y
5,570
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This is a reply to # 331,214Advertisement
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Hello Hilfesuchend
First I want to say I think your English is perfect.
It sounds like you are wonderful person to call a friend. What makes you feel afraid... is it the memory of a past hurt, a voice you hear (what does it say?), a scene you imagine?
Imagine what might begin to happen... next time... if you think about all the good things you have to offer and can bring to a relationship.
Whenever you feel afraid to "make a move" think about your Uncle, imagine yourself in his position, make it as bad as your imagination allows, so powerful that the images make you scream " This fear is not what I want and it will not keep me from finding love." Use the energy of the fear to move through it to what you really desire.
Best wishes,
Tom
- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... tdonald
21 y
5,570
- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... Hilfesuchend
21 y
5,642
- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... passionforliving
21 y
5,424
This is a reply to # 331,198Dear Hilfesuchend
I can understand where you stand at this moment. Because you traveled, having a lot of friends, wonderful experiences, open minded, easy going etc… and that’s where the ‘problem’ lies. You have seen too much and experienced in many ways what most haven’t. Your friends think that you have a great life but really, I feel that you are lonely inside because not many people can reach you.
I too have been traveling a lot and lived in various countries. Men friends thought it was cool to have such a sophisticated young woman but what they ‘fear’ at the end of the day is our independence and open mind. I had several boy friends who thought it was great to have a girlfriend who travels but when it comes to commitment, few stick around to find the real me. I once consulted a man who practices psychology, philosophy and spirituality in relationship matters and self awareness and has since understand myself a lot better and accepted the way I am. I have found a great man who loves me for who I am, not intimidated by my independence and we have since been together for the past 8 years. You can contact the man who has helped me at ak6997149@yahoo.com Dr. Claus-Dieter
Hope this help.
passion
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- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... rudenski
21 y
5,521
This is a reply to # 331,201Advertisement
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I wonder if you looking to find inner beauty first may kind place you in a different species as far a potential boyfriends are concerned? When people are looking for someone as a mate...I think they look for something chemical first...something that says to their body...this person will be a good mate....If you never send those chemical signals to the other person...because you are looking for something...not physical...your male friends may never get the signal...
When I was young...I was carnal...and physical intimacy was easy...As I became more spiritual...I would have this battle between my spirit man and carnal man...You already won your battle to become enlightened...you just skipped the carnal part...You became a different species...a spirit centered being...
If you really want to meet a potential mate...you might try wearing perfume and red clothing...bright colors..walk as if you want someone to make love to you...But if I were you...I would only try this on one of those beautiful spirits that you have met..because in the long run...what you have in common will make your relationship last longer...or so they say...just a guess... : )
- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... Hilfesuchend
21 y
5,452
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This is a reply to # 331,201Sometimes I actually do feel very lonely. I also think that it's very important to start trying to understand myself. I know WHAT I'm doing but sometimes I just don't know WHY...?
Some men are intimidated by me, that's what I have experienced. But the ones who stick around get to know the real me, and we get along just great as friends and for some reason I always end up in the buddy trap. Thank you so much for your advice and I will keep your contact in mind.
Hilfesuchend- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... passionforliving
21 y
5,477
This is a reply to # 331,215Advertisement
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Dear Hilfesuchend
Sometimes you are lonely because your mind has traveled and your experience is wide therefore living in one place becomes ‘stale’ after a while because you have been to places..too many pros and cons. We you travel and ready to absorb world views and then you get back to normal society and friends who look comforting because you wish somehow to share this kind of life, permanent friends and places to go..you dive into it but soon realized it is not YOU. That makes you lonely. That makes you searching… yet you don’t know what you are searching for.
Those who become buddies with you accept you as one of them, therefore they won’t think of you in any sexual terms and even if they do, it is taboo. They cannot handle that. I had so many ‘boyfriends’ who were my buddies and dragged me everywhere with them where guys hang out and they talked freely in front of me. Made me feel so unattractive but I guess I accepted that because there is nothing I can do to change that scene.
It would be great for you to look into yourself and having a third party to assess you would be a good option. Take care there. There are a lot of interesting people out there and before you know it, you are flying with the rainbows…
Good wishes,
passionforliving
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- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... passionforliving
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- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... rudenski
21 y
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- Re: 26 and never had a boyfriend...w... tdonald
21 y
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