LIFE!!!!!!!!!!VERY LONG 
#164438
21 y
940
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I'm just posting this message as a way of releasing the way I feel. Brief history - I was dating this chap for four years and in the last year and a half my father past away. He was there for me but i don't think he completely understood what I was going through and he didn't even try.
We then bought a house hoping to get married. Well he began to go out every weekend and ignore me and my needs. I pursued him a little but then gave up. He became abusive, assualted me twice and found pleasure in threatening and frightening me. So i left. He then started persuing me and I met him a couple of times hoping we could work things out. But he got angry and ran up to me ready to punch me. That was it, it was finished.
Sunday just gone he came to my house with his mum asking me to give it another go. I said no, as his behaviour is awful and has been for a long time. He has threatened my mum, sweared at my dad who is now dead and calls me a bitch, dog, slapper, tells me I'm ugly etc. The worst thing was that he sent me a txt message saying that he is smoking my dads ashes. So on sunday my mum put some dust particals collected in the hoover in a small bag and gave them to him and said smoke my husbands ashes in front of his mum.
They were gob smacked. He has threatened to distribute photo's that he has of me in bed with him to my whole family and friends. I realised that this guy will go lower then low. I was very sensible on sunday, but am now feeling very hurt and empty. I can't understand how someone can be so awful to someone they are saying they love.
He then asked me to be with him again and that he still loves me. But refused to give me back the money that I leant to him. I'm talking thousands to help him buy the house.
I know I've done the right thing but how do I cope with this feeling! Kicked in the teeth big time. I know I have escaped this looney but I'm struggling to cope with what has happened to me eventhough I'm on anti-depressants.
XXX
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- He is one big jerk! Southern Belle
21 y
952
This is a reply to # 331,035I would have loved to have listened to your story. I love English accents. I tried to picture your voice and I bet it's as sweet as it can be.
Forget the guy! You need to find someone who can help you discover who YOU are! If you have a pastor, close friend or (if you can afford it) a therapist, that would be great. You have been extremely abused and it's going to take a LONG time to get past it. I don't think this is something you will be able to do on your own.
If you have to take out a restraining order to keep him away from you, do so. He needs to know you mean business.
Be very careful. It's not unusual for an abuser to try and take both of you out of ths world. It's the classic "If I can't have you, no one will." So, NEVER be alone with him.
Hopefully, he will go on and make the next lady's life miserable and you will be able to go on and find happiness. You deserve better and I think you already know that.
Good luck!
Paulette Gunn
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- I have to add one more thing Southern Belle
21 y
922
This is a reply to # 331,038While I was getting ready for work, I thought I would tell you this.....
You should find out why you are attracted to this type of guy in the first place. He might have charmed you and you had no clue he was like this, but, speaking from my own experience, I have always been attracted to guys like that.
Whe I was in high school back in the 60's (late 60's, I would add-Ha) I would always love the "James Dean" guys. They were the guys who hung out in the "smoke hole" and they wore t-shirts rolled up to reveal the big muscles. They drove "cool" cars and would drive those cool cars fast and play "chicken" with other cars. I married one of those "cool guys." That cool guy also drank a lot, was very abusive, but charming when he needed to be. He was extremely popular and the laugh of every party. He also loved other women.
When I finally left him, I was a big time party girl and would be one again if I were single. I settled into another relationship with a great guy who was very soft spoken, but when he told me he put himself through college making "drug runs" along the Gulf Coast, instead of running the opposite way, I thought that was another "cool guy." Big mistake. He could smoke 18-25 joints per day. So, because pot is not legal here in America, we spent a lot of time with drapes drawn and hanging out with only drug people. He would go through airports with enough pot to supply my state, but it never dawned on me I could go to jail. I just thought I was with this cool guy!
My husband now is what I refer to as a "preppie redneck." I have matured in my selection of men, thank goodness!
But,to this day, I love the show "The Sopranos" because those are "cool guys." Thank God I never met John Gotti because I would have thrown myself at his feet. Ha
I guess I felt like I should tell you this to bear my soul and tell you that if you are drawn to this type of man, (and there are thousands of us like me) I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Paulette G.
- I have to add one more thing Southern Belle
21 y
922
- Re: LIFE!!!!!!!!!!VERY LONG akashiccc
21 y
1,012
Lugol’s Iodine Free S&H
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine Solution. Restore lost reserves.
Mercury Detox
Dental work and fillings, not a problem.
This is a reply to # 331,035Hey, there. I'm sorry to hear about your father. Truly you deserved to be acknowledged for your loss.
This man that you're talking about. It sounds to me like you weren't expecting him to behave the way he did. Your reaction is typical of someone who has been through something like that. You've invested a lot, and it appeared you were going in the right direction, but you were emotionally ambushed. I don't know what changed in him, but something did. I'm going to be brave and make some very general statements about men. I'll do my best to disqualify, because I'm not encompassing all men. I'm just trying to help give you a skeleton to start building on. There are certain men that do not handle 'weakness' in others very well. These particular men are chronic 'boys' who want to play all the time and lack the ability to control their own impulses when they're supposed to. Often you can coast through a relationship relatively free of emotional crises, maybe even for years and not see their true colors until you really really need them. They could appear a little self-centered to you at times, but nothing out of the ordinary given the differences in the way that men and women in western civilization think. Being modern thinking women, it's easy to beat ourselves up for how we could miss such a serious character flaw, but these particular people slip through the cracks easily. You can't be on your toes 24/7 for all the rogues in society, otherwise you wouldn't have time for anything else. Because we have to function and we have responsibilities, that is why we miss things like that. Don't beat yourself up, but do honest introspection. Keep posting and we'll let you know if you're being too hard on yourself if it's too hard to sort through yet. Okay. Take care.
- He is one big jerk! Southern Belle
21 y
952
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