Hello again, Littlepaw!

Try swinging by your library and picking up these books:
"Siblings without rivalry" and "1, 2, 3 Magic." If you can't get the Siblings book, a close one is "how to talk so your kids will listen.." Faber is one of the authors. Those books helped me learn how to manage my children differently. Besides the tips in those books, try these:

Learn to use your drive home to relax. Yes, it can be done. I used to even raise my voice at other "stupid" drivers, but I have now learned to enjoy the time, put on fun music and enjoy my time to myself! I arrive home in a better mood.

Set up a routine for when you arrive home. Your children missed you, and will of course be happy to see you. This is why they come running! Your routine could be whatever you like, but involves touching base with each child. Then the routine should also include some "mommy time."

Besides the tips in there, invite your children to be part of the solution. Such as, "I'm glad you asked me to do that with you. If I do it right now, I am still crabby from work. Let's set the timer for 20 minutes while I take a bath to get the crabbies out. Then we will. . ." Make sure you keep the "date" to connect after the bath. Also make sure you enlist your children as aids to protect you from the doorbell and telephone. Annoint them guardians of the silent bath!

Use tons of positive reinforcement. Tons and tons. Get those star charts up on the fridge and award children for productive, constructive activities. Don't get pulled into their problems, listen sympathetically and assure them of your confidence that they can work it out. Maybe ask, "what have you tried so far? What will you try next?" It will take some time, but they will become independent problem-solvers. Praise the heck out of them anytime they solve a problem without your intervention!

Put in some daily attention they preferably get when they crawl into bed! Yes- those old fashioned bedtime stories and backrubs! Children can actually learn to look forward to bedtime and stop fighting the routine! How much more peaceful for you, when they are in bed by 7:30 or 8 with their pajamas on, all ready for some attention from Mommy. Of course, once they get all comfy they will drift off feeling more loved...

Littlepaw, I'm assuming your children are young (kinda sounds like it). Maybe you're already doing some of these things, but I just tried to think of the things that have helped me the most. OH yes, occasionally I've created a game that involves a contest to stay quiet the longest- you can do anything as long as it's quiet... to get a little peace. Sometimes worked. Sometimes I've created an activity to keep the little bodies busy. Building stuff out of whatever's in the recycle bin, or whatever you can think of. Drawing pictures for a family member, etc.

Good luck.. I hope something here helps! P.S. Those books really ARE good! A godsend for me.... BTW the 1,2,3 Magic book has a version for teachers.

Hello again, Littlepaw.

Your story obviously has grabbed my attention, I think because I have been in a very similar situation. I am also a teacher, with my own children at home, no family/social support and a spouse who has gone for long stretches without a helping hand.

More thoughts and some answers to some of your questions.

Antifungals (you don't have to take them all):

nonprescription
Oil of oregano (very powerful), Grapefruit seed extract (GSE, comes in liquid and capsules), Dioxycholor from American Biologics, Garlic, Caprylic acid. To a lesser extent: xylitol (also a sweetener which answers another question you had), and some have posted about coconut oil. Aloe vera juice has been shown to boost the white blood cells' ability to kill yeast cells. Alternating between Pau d'arco tea and clove tea may be helpful- 3 to 6 cups daily. Alternative to Pau d'arco is maitake tea.

prescription
Nystatin powder, which I prepare as a suspension in a little water, has worked well for me. It is exceedingly difficult to find a physician to help with this. You must network and ask around to avoid years of wasted visits to unhelpful and unsympathetic doctors. There are other prescription antifungals.
I don't know how helpful they are. I did not have any success with Spronox, and nystatin is just safer. The other antifungals stress the liver- bad news 'cause candida already does that. You need your liver. :)

When you take the antifungals- if you feel worse- that is die-off. It means you are killing the little buggers and is a good thing. Detox to feel better. It is easy and works fast.

STRESS

It was very helpful to me to learn that stress is a verb. It is something you do. It has nothing to do with what happened this year, or today, or what may happen tomorrow. Stressing has no power to fix the world's problems, or even your own. So, I hereby relieve you from the responsibility to stress. Let someone else do that. It doesn't mean that you don't care, you must distinguish the two. You may very well want things to be different from what they are. But you must let go of NEEDING them to be different. If you want things to change, you'll surely do what is in your power to change it, right? If that doesn't work, well, perhaps it wasn't within your power to begin with.

I have literally stood back and watched my class and LAUGHED at their hilarious antics. Then we move on and do what we need to do, but in a better mood. If someone in the class has trouble making that transition, I am able to show the "I mean business" face on the outside and use my calm, controlled "get back to work" voice, all the while laughing still on the inside.

When was the last time you were silly with your children? Would it be the end of the world if they eat their supper like little piggies- just like in that Christmas special...what was it now... senior moment. LOL. Wouldn't they be surprised if you took your lipstick and painted their little noses- and yours? They'll be a little busy checking themselves out in the mirror... and just might leave you alone for a couple moments.

Your children will sense the stress level in the home and act out. Maybe part of the grand plan for your lives this year was for you to teach them resiliance, and how to handle events that COULD be stress provoking- if you let them. What a valuable skill for them to learn! Maybe this year has not been bad or good, but just was whatever it was. Perhaps the inherent value in learning to handle these experiences will take your children through much more tumultuous times that otherwise would have taken them down? We just cannot know, in the same way we do not know when one job ends, if perhaps it will lead to the best opportunity in our lives. So, proceed with interest and curiosity- not worry- about what the next chapter will bring.

Stop struggling with your husband. You can't change him, and it hasn't worked so far, has it? Focus on what you can change about yourself, and try to understand what the underlying issues are in the relationship, but beyond that learn to accept how you would need to be in order to live with this person, unless the problems are truly unacceptable.

Have you ever trained a puppy, or seen how it's done? Train all the little children the same way. I train my classes on M&Ms (I know...sugar...BAD...LOL). Yeah, I don't eat them, but I dole them out very sparingly. The children never know when they might get them, but I'm always on the lookout for someone who sits criss-cross applesauce with hands in the lap, or raises their hand before speaking, or sits quietly in their place, or follows a direction the first time. This method is done liberally at first, in the fall, but tapered out without the children even noticing. They are not rewarded every time they do something, so I just increase the time between rewards. Around Thanksgiving or so I am all done with it, and they are well-trained little puppies. This is how I survive inner city teaching! It is much cheaper than therapy! LOL!

I trained my children this same way. My teenage son still uses "yes ma'am" even though I last doled him a treat for that more than 5 or 7 years ago or something like that! :) I never criticize the children who don't behave, just hand out that M&M with the comment, "I like the way you..." Of course if a child is out of control I deal with it but otherwise ignoring can be a powerful tool, too.

This puppy training has been so powerful a tool, when the kids tumble in the room in the fall with that look in their eyes, like they own the classroom, I just laugh. I hold the power in my little bag of M&Ms! Soon they fall over themselves to be the first to do what I say!

Husbands can be trained the same way, but maybe with smiles or whatever little reward works. We wives thrive on a little acknowledgement and appreciation, too! My husband did next to nothing before, but I found that certain things just had to be done by him if I did not, so if I was overwhelmed with work and didn't get around to washing his underwear... oh well. The top priorities had to be the kids who could not do such things for themselves. He wanted clean underwear, so he learned to do laundry! Now he does do laundry regularly (not just his own), as do I, so I give him credit.

So did the kids, for that matter. Once they know colors they can help sort, and they really enjoy it if you put them each in charge of one kind of laundry, assemble them and lob the stuff at them to sort into piles. Throw it at them as fast as you can, it is more fun that way. Also incentives, especially free ones, like..."when we get the laundry in we can go to the LIBRARY!!!" Important to say this like it's just as fun as Disneyland.

One time I "trained" a person who was terribly,inexpicably rude all the time at work. I just would not do it back. I always smiled, always treated her with courtesy. Eventually she began to smile back. Not right away, not until she was ready. If I recall right, it was more than 6 months but less than 9. Still, I kept that door open. After all, we had to work together either way! Eventually I found out the reason for her behavior, and it was a very understandable one!

So... daily life isn't stress, it's a game! Find the fun! I know some of the things you have experienced are big events, but even when someone passes away, I don't think they would want everyone to be sad forevermore. That has been a hard thing for me to learn, that it isn't disloyal to go on living. I can miss someone , wish things were different, but also accept how things are. The years I spent refusing to accept things never changed anything one bit, and never brought back anyone who was gone, either. In one very sad case I had to work hard to resolve my need to be OK with that person's life for what it was, even though it was too short. It was, what it was.

Finally, the irritation can be caused by candida. Mine went away with treatment. It used to be hard for me to live with my own self, I felt so irritated all the time for no reason. If yours does not go away with candida treatment, though, know that Depression can very well be expressed as irritability and loss of pleasure. Not everyone just feels like crying with it. Treat the candida first, and if you still struggle, consider treatment for depression. That may or may not include a medication approach.

I hope you find some parts of these long, long posts helpful. Now, go tickle those children! Tomorrow, maybe get a comedy video from the library (free!) and laugh yourselves silly. Don't forget the goofy voices... also powerful enough to make school fun! The photos we took of those silly hairstyles and things make us laugh all over again when we take them out. I have one of my son with his head just loaded with his sister's barettes. What precious moments those were, despite all of the struggles we had at those times, when we laughed together.

I hope this will help relieve some of your frustrations, and be a huge help to you as it was to me. I took a long time to learn but maybe you are a faster learner. Regular practice at meditation helped me learn how to relax. At first it took a long time, then I got better at it and most of the time can just do it when I realize I should. There is lotsa hope and fun out there.

Take care. :)