I am 59. I never had any vaginal dryness due to menopause. I never even had a hot flash. I used progesterone cream and rubbed it on my belly. There is a great book called "What Your Doctor Won't Tell You About Menopause" You need to read it. Your wife needs to read it.
Also… I am a certified sexologist and adult sex education professional. I am also a former madam and former prostitute. In my experience I could tell men to slow down, and request they be more gentle 10 times, and they would still be going at it 10 times too hard and too fast for me to genuinely relax and enjoy it.
I was with a lot of men in my prime time. I would say less than one in 50 had the patience and sensitivity to give me a chance to relax and get wet. Most of them thought my natural vaginal juices were the turn on juice. It was not. Turn on juice is slimy like egg whites. Pussy juice is more watery.
Having very little hope for humanity, given the human sexual condition, I made a last ditch attempt to change things by teaching a class that I called The Intimate Dance, before I finally gave up having much hope for men and quit.
For a while I even offered private instruction. I have been retired now for about six years.
Anyways, all my efforts were at trying to teach men how to really turn women on in hopes of giving their poor wives a true chance to do something other than fake cllmaxes and accommodate their pushy obnoxious horn dog husbands.
I taught the eight characteristics of a sensual virtuoso and the four keys to a genuine unlon of souls. I taught men and couples how to move from missionary to doggy, back to missionary, sit the woman on top, spin her around and go into classic yabyum pose without ever breaking the intimate connection.
One of my clients told me his wife absolutely loved it. He said that all of his friends were saying how their wives were complaining of dry vaginas and that sex was too painful because of menopause. He said he was having the opposite problem. His wife was so wet and open and juicy that he was having a problem getting off inside her!!! Of course the problem was exacerbated because his dick wasn't getting as hard as it used to… So I sent him to the Iodine
Just goes to show you… it's alway something….
Perhaps you could turn her on and loosen her up a little if you knew how to give a professional qualify full body non-sexual sensual massage before tenderly and gently spending 20-30 minutes massaging her outer labia lightly with your finger tips.
Before penetration, do you spend time synchronizing your breath with hers? It will bring your energy into alignment. And, if you have ever practiced meditation, you might even be able to synchronize your heartbeat with hers, which will make a big difference in regards to how long she is willing to let you stay inside of her.
When you penetrate her, do not use your hands…simply point, aim, make a ball and socket connection with her yoni slit, you can feel it get soft below the pubic bone. Then use your hard on like a sophisticated massage tool for her inner labia. With circular sweeping motions, let your pre-cum lubricate her. She doesn't need any. But if you have some, and use it properly, it will prime hers. If you don't have any pre-cum, due to shooting too many wads over the years, nor the patience for any of this, or the ability, then you are the reason that she is dry, not menopause.
If you spend sufficient time using the superior penetration technique I am describing, until she is longing to be penetrated, presuming that she has not become so accustomed to accommodating you that any possibility of longing has long ago been destroyed by the demanding rigor of habitual obligatory sex, her inner labia will blossom like a flower for you, and you will feel them snap around you below your frenulum. At that point you must resist the urge to plunge in. Spiral your way to the bottom instead using 9 shallow strokes and 1 deep, 8 shallow and 2 deep, 7 shallow and 3 deep, etc, etc, etc, until you are stroking all deep.
If you are unable to make 10 deep strokes without cumming, you have a lot of work to do on your own. Get the book How to Make Love all NIght Long by Dr. Nancy Keesling and do the exercises.
When you get close to a cllmax, slow down and figure out how to move her to another position without coming out. Every time you get close to an cllmax, move her to another position. Never come out during sex. Move back into her favorite position when you are ready to cum. Hopefully her favorite position is also your favorite position. If not, you married the wrong woman.
Hopefully some day I will have an instructional video for couples on how to do this. But you can figure it out. A lot of my clients have done so. One said he got scared when he started making love to his wife like this. Even though they had been married for 10 years, he loved her deeply, they had two kids, and they were best friends, the depth of the intimacy scared him. Women tend to be like a moth to flame and love it. They are all too willing to be consumed.