Idk if this is something right to post in this but yeah this is somehow related to healing.
I felt this a long time ago but honestly this came in from the start where most usually cry when you let go from your mother at school. At least I've learned some essential things that helped me find my way back home to nature (such as reading and writing and understanding) , but I feel right now that school is not right for me and for my healing.
It contributes to the death of my self and confusion of my mind. I feel it's a joke. I mean the social aspect is nice but generally it's a complete waste of time. I feel dead there. The teachers deceive me more from my true self. The teachers doesn't resonate with me)
All info especially during highschool (now) is some piece of crap.
I see the lies and I see the truth. It's completely diluted from each other that I discard many things... I just learn it for some time then I forget it (energy-wasting)
As my healing process goes , I'm losing my energy there. I am working and all my works is exchanged for grades which is fake currency. It's good if it's free and if I really want to go to college but I don't. It's totally useless to me. At least I feel I should be doing what I love or what I enjoy other than staying at school lol.
Well I'm just forcing myself to study those to support myself but yeah it just causes me stress and it doesn't really help me.
I know It's a trap.
A cycle of the last few generations where they say it's hope to rise up lol.
I know my energy could be of more use.
What's sad is I am telling my parents I wanted to dropout (even though it will not be easy if I do) although they say nothing and try to avoid the talk.
My possible problem is when I drop out and if my parent's asked me to leave I could not support myself with my healing.. I need to somehow make some money or at least learn since this world mostly runs on that. I feel bad for my parents too since they work and they trust this system.
For now I'll try as I can what I could while I'm at that prison , I know all children doesn't like it there... they just want the future or parent's push them or they just want it there for the rewards.
I'm confused whether I should learn this even though my heart says I'm not... I'm just doing this for my parents so I feel they enslave me. I am absolutely discarding the chemistry (super complex and useless) and history (lies) crap. I feel I am lying with myself there.
Plus my grandparent and sister says to me that I'm being too much a burden for making parents have me buy my food and they tell me I'm wrong and she said earlier I'll regret this like someday I'll blame them for buying me fruits lol. They just tell me I'm wrong always and yeah they are right in all things... I listen to them but it does not resonate with me since they raised me that way and that caused problems. They say to me living on fruits alone is bad , eat your rice , go eat sweet potato in sub for rice. that adds up heheh.
Could anybody suggest something what I could do especially when I'm at school. At least on how to build a foundation so I could support myself. I'm fourteen. I'm hyperlost here and I decided to ask this since I'm stressed from all the useless things there. I know I could find an answer within (and I have a lot of ideas) but it would be nice to hear from others. Thank you.
PS Sorry for being so dramatic about school but this is just what I feel and I think this community might help me somehow since I feel ppl here are wise and not full of parasites in their brains lol xD.