Anyone ever been through similar? 
neveragain
12 y
3,386
† Cross †
Married 10 years and over last 4 years or so my wife and her son have decided I have no place in our home. We have two children from our marriage and there's been a huge favoritism toward her oldest son from a previous marriage. He's now 17 and literally out of control which she will never admit to. Most recently it's become physical and she's made it completely clear she will always defend him even when wrong. He's been suspended multiple times from school, has no respect for any authority and also dominates my children which my wife allows. In each case when I exercise my right as a father or the man of this family they both literally team up and explode. Everything from the verbal to her constant threats of leaving and calling the police to have me removed. I have NEVER raised my hands to my family though she does anything she can to provoke it. I've been beaten by her, the usual throw anything she can at me, black eyes, bruised and bloodied. Never did I call for help, I was raised in a family where you take care of it at home. Now, this past week her son finally for the 3rd time raised his hands but right in front of her pinned me to the floor and absolutely pummeled the back of my head while all I saw was flashes of light. All the while she's yelling you deserve it. Then when I got up and announced that's it I have to leave here SHE calls 911 which in short blew right up in their faces when the police inevitably arrested her son for 3rd degree assault. Now he's still here and under a protection order yet STILL they continue the abuse verbally. My question is....other than the obvious calling police how does a man take control of a situation like this in which there is none. I've never been exposed to people like this in my life, only seen it on TV. If anyone's been in similar situation please tell me how you handled it....Thanks
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- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... #68716
12 y
2,896
This is a reply to # 1,986,362Advertisement
Hulda Clark cleanses
Wormwood, Clove, Clarkia, Turmeric, Epsom Salt, Uva Ursi, Goldenrod
Neveragain, I am truly sorry to read of your experiences and situation. The teenaged son sounds as if he's not only out of control, but likely has a "personality disorder." The wife is in complete denial and a willing accomplice to the son's choice of behaviors.
The question you asked was how a man controls such a situation. The answer is: he doesn't. The only person over which you have control is yourself, your choices, and your actions. You're being abused, on every level, and this is not uncommon, Neveragain. Men typically do not report violence or abuse, simply because of the raw stigma of, "Whassa matter with you? Can't you get a handle on the little woman?" The abuse and violence is transcending generations as is clear with the teenaged son's behaviors - it's cycling and the only end to that cycle is to report the abuse, get help with a strong counseling therapist, and get the hell out. Nobody is going to magically "change" or "get better" in these dynamics. It's only going to get worse. And, I promise you that the teenaged son who is already violent could very easily resort to murder because he is fully supported by his abusive mother.
I would stronly urge that you contact your local domestic violence hotline, consult a well-recommended legal divorce "specialist," engage in individual counseling therapy with someone that "gets it," and begin documenting every event that happens, including your own responses, actions, and reactions. This documentation log must be 100% objective. It should be kept in a notebook or journal and on your person, at all times. Included in this log will be dates, times, behaviors, quotes, and your own reactions - this means that you record even those things that won't necessarily paint you as a saint - it MUST be 100% accurate and truthful. This log will be useful to your counseling therapist and divorce specialist (in the event that you choose to end this contract of marriage).
It is vital to understand that you are being victimized, Neveragain. Abuse against men by women is grossly underestimated and under-reported. Please, don't allow fear of stigma to interfere with your recovery and healing.
To find your local domestic violence agency and other resources, please visit: www.ndvh.org
I've survived two marriages to sociopaths, and the first one was violent and abusive. The second one.....well, we just won't go there, right now. But, I can share this one truth with you that is a static: abuse of ANY kind never goes away. It just evolves and continues to cycle.
Best wishes to you
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- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... UserX
12 y
2,780
- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... #68716
12 y
2,880
This is a reply to # 1,986,857
Depends upon the State or country. Basically, documenting the incidents is for the counseling therapist and divorce specialist.
It's also helpful for the victim to be able to see, in writing, the cycle and how it moves through the dynamics of the family. This can be a helpful tool for the victim to evolve into a survivor by making the decision to exit the abusive relationship.
- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... #68716
12 y
2,880
- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... neveragain
12 y
2,883
This is a reply to # 1,986,722Thanks for the insight. You pretty much repeated what the one police officer said while they were here. Documentation and don't be afraid to call. Nobody wants to turn their own family members in but that's the reason for the mandatory arrest and domestiv violence reports. Each time they get a call they have the history to go back on and piece the story together, her multiple wolf cries played against her they see the pattern and in his words said if I dont do something now next time it will be a knife in my neck. I did speak with my lawyer and for the most part his concern was are my wife and her son a threat to my children should she get custody. I trust her with them, it's her son that's the problem with the domination. He said that would all be addressed in family court, his prior history and this latest fiasco as well as an order of protection has been issued in our home. In NY it's no lie that a woman pretty much has to be a mass murderer to not receive custody though. I just want to do what's best for them and what their wishes are, if they prefer being with their mother then that's what will happen. But, I will be watching and one foul up I'll be right back in court. Plus it's only a matter of time before her son gets hinself thrown in jail for something more severe, since the arrest last week he hasn't changed one bit and if anything is more rebelious and worse attitude. I've been smart staying away as much as possible and basically secluding myself in the house.Advertisement
Hulda Clark cleanses
Wormwood, Clove, Clarkia, Turmeric, Epsom Salt, Uva Ursi, Goldenrod
- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... #68716
12 y
2,811
This is a reply to # 1,987,557
Neveragain, I don't know what State you live in, but I've been through 2 divorces from very bad people, and if your State maintains "no fault" divorce, I want you to accept this absolute truth: it's NOT about anything other than "equitable distribution," and this includes distribution of children, cutsody, and visitation. A man or woman can be a convicted criminal, and they are "entitled" to parental rights and to "be involved" in their children's lives. This is a horror, but it is a fact.
Additionally, your attorney (MY attorney, and every practicing attorney) does not have any emotional involvement in your case. Attorneys practice law and adhere to the parameters of what their State's laws allow. You are paying client, and nothing more. In Family Court, you are a number on the docket, and nothing more. The general attitude of Family Courts are that they hear everything imaginable, and some things that defy our darkest nightmares, and they hear this a dozen (or, more) times a day, five days per week, and they want you (and, every other litigant) OUT of their courtroom and off the docket. It's not about what is fair, reasonable, or even prudent. So, BE PREPARED.
There are no winners in divorce. The only winners are the representing attorneys.
So...having said this, I'm going to provide a website for you to check out and the information on this site may help you more than your attorney ever could. www.lovefraud.com
Brightest blessings to you
- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... RattusBaggus1
9 y
1,266
This is a reply to # 1,987,557Neveragain. I have been in a few relationships with violent women and sadly the first was my mother which set the pattern for my life. A lady friend told me that I gravitate towards this type of person because it is familiar as it is how I grew up. The lad is behaving the way he is because his mother allows him to and more than likely encourages him. Not only do you have to get out but you have to take your children with you as they will more than likely become victims of her spite if they aren't suffering it already. Your move must be secret and well planed. Remember the old saying " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". To give you some idea that your not alone Google Domestic violence against men. The estimates are that 40 to 50 % of domestic violence is perpetrated by the women. I personally feel that it is more. I wish you and your children all the best. RB1Advertisement
Hulda Clark cleanses
Wormwood, Clove, Clarkia, Turmeric, Epsom Salt, Uva Ursi, Goldenrod
- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... #68716
12 y
2,811
- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... UserX
12 y
2,780
- Re: Anyone ever been through similar... #68716
12 y
2,896
