Accountability??? 
#68716
12 y
2,610
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I would love to read posts by CZ members who have experienced betrayal and abuse and actually saw their abuser held accountable. I don't mean people who have exacted their own vengeance, but members who witnessed consequences that were imposed as per the abuser's own actions and choices.
- Re: Accountability??? seek2clean
12 y
2,482
This is a reply to # 1,905,044I have a long list for you - each person in my life who has done extreme damage to me has met with tragedy. My father, who was irresponsible for the welfare of his childen and "innappopriate" with me, died of brain tumor at 57 yrs. - asked my forgiveness from his death bed, said he felt he was dying for all his wrongs, actually blamed me in a sidelong parting shot - it is what narcissitic sociopaths do!
Various husband/boyfriend types have died - one in a wheelchair for 20 years, etc. This is not gender specific karma - even females, including sisters.
I have followed your situation - remarkably similar to a relationship of mine, though mine was shortlived. Same betrayal, same deceit, same crazy-maker. I know your pain. I am not a vengeful type - I just remove myself, albeit too late in some cases. Broken bones, broken spirit, broken health was my lot. Their negativity came back around to them, I saw in retrospect some years ago, after my last husband died of cancer. I realized they had not "gotten away with" anything. I was horrified by the epiphany, and I live very differently as a result.
Karma
is very real- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly it comes back around like a boomerang. We each own our energy - what we send out is on its way back. I loved every one, never wanted anything bad to happen to them, no matter what they did to me - even the rapist when I was 14. Somehow I knew they were sick, to be pitied - this confirmed later in life in my current spiritual walk.
I understood when I was a small child that I did not have to exact revenge - from the biblical "vengeance is mine sayeth the lord" stuff...my belief system had evolved, but I do KNOW that they do themselves in...husband with cancer was extremely abusive and extremely self-pitying. Self-pity will kill, rot you from the inside out- they just call it cancer...I do not get involved any longer with folks who essentially have a death wish, and unconsciously want to use me to get the job done...have had no close
relationship with a man for several years, gave myself time
to heal - don't want to see anymore terrible results for those I care for. Whatever the definition - something in the universe does not appeciate the blood drawn from me. I am long gone when these tragic things have ocurred. Today I am much quicker to step away - no one is abusing me now, not for over a decade. In reality, we are all only harming ourselves - others appear to get dented along the way, but each responsible for what we send...I send nothing I am not willing to own.
seek2clean
More
- Absence of Malice #68716
12 y
2,477
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,905,067
I think what I'm seeking is affirmation of Kharma - we reap what we sow. Your experiences and the subsequent results (for lack of a better word) are eerie, to be sure.
I don't wish for the worm to suffer illness or death - just accountability and consequences. If he were to suffer illness/injury as I had (and, continue to) and endure either/both alone, afraid, broke, and desperate, it would be just reward for the way that I was treated, absolutely. But, what I would wish to see is for his sins to be heard in open court and for him to suffer consequences for his personal choices and actions.
Having said this, I also wish to focus on my personal healing. His vile sexua| interests and activities were discovered at the end of September '11, and the marriage was ended at the beginning of November '11. Since November, there have been a series of episodes that were painful, humiliating, and desperate, and I am getting past that. My issue is that I want to get beyond that, yesterday. I mean, it's barely been 3 months and I'm really being hard on myself to "get over it." And, he continues to inflict financial damages even though any Court would ask him if he were insane for believing that he could simply walk away from all financial obligations.
I am being so hard on myself, I realize. And, I need to give myself some time to process the past 13 1/2 years, the implications, and what he deliberately did to me. So....that's where I am at this point. I don't like it, and I want to see a Judge read him the riot act, but I don't think that it will ever happen.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and insight. I'm kinda needy, right now! :D
- Re: Absence of Malice seek2clean
12 y
2,365
This is a reply to # 1,905,274My absence of malice is how I was able to see the result of their presence of malice. Yes, eerie for sure - but typical of my life. Nothing much has ocurred that could be considered normal in my life until I changed my perspective, my thinking...
It is unusual to have so many examples - I have lived long enough to have more than one man, and each was a lesson for me, each was "not okay" in his own skin and visited upon me that which NO ONE deserves - yet I was victorious in finding the life lesson in it for me, while they went to their destiny...we do reap what we sow, and while I found my part - oh yes, I could have done things differently, could have not married, or not married so soon, or not neeeeded them so badly to feel complete. If I had know better/other I would have done better/other!! It required serious self- examination, honest appraisal. It is so easy to establish who is at fault - every one is responsible, but no one is to blame. If I expect well behavior from sick people, what then is wrong with me? What IS, is.
After nearly a decade alone I am fine within my own life - and after much self-recrimination finally forgave self and others, and walk free...
Nothing was as horrific, no relationship involving alcohol, drugs, domestic violence, NONE did so much damage as the long-time friend turned lover then husband, who was also sober like myself 20 years ago, where a beautiful trust was established and then it crashed and tore my guts open when his "secret" was revealed - his long standing sexua| addiction that I was completely, unfairly unaware of spun me to divorce and back to battle alcohol for another ten years. I recently celebrate this last decade sober again!!! THIS is what it was all for... an even greater depth of peace for me, even more acceptance of life on life's terms, and less willing to be anywhere but in this day. Do what you must, but let this experience make you better, not bitter...I know your need, know the confusion of betrayal, know the chaos - I also know how much you have been here for others on this forum -now it is your turn to be ministered to...the good you have sent is coming back to you.
seek2clean
- Sincere thanks... #68716
12 y
2,338
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This is a reply to # 1,905,523Seek2, thank you SO much for sharing and for pointing out the Life Lessons that are to be learned.
Although this may sound nuts, everything happened the way that it did in my life for "A Reason." Had the events not happened the way that they did, I would be in a much different and more horrific state. I am truly grateful that I learned what I did and that I am rid of that worm and his sociopathy.
It's "My Time," now - time for me to concern myself with my Self. Time for me to begin the process of healing, learning, and growing - without being hindered by a demanding, petulant, entitled, and very, very sick partner. Time for me to be okay without a partner. The task is daunting, to be sure, but I get to heal while he gets to remain sick and empty.
Thanks, again.
- Re: Sincere thanks... alikat
12 y
2,503
J.Crow’s® Lugol’s Iodine
Free S&H.Restore lost reserves.J.CROW’S®Lugol’s Iodine Solut...
Hulda Clark Cleanses
Wormwood, Clove, Clarkia, Turmeric, Epsom Salt, Uva Ursi, Goldenr...
This is a reply to # 1,905,590Soulful, your last sentence is the answer to the consequences you seek for the worm's actions: You get to heal, he gets to remain sick, empty and pathetic.
In the long, eternal and universal perspective of things, that's punishment enough. Hell is real and he, pitiful creature, is living proof.
- Re: Sincere thanks... alikat
12 y
2,503
- Sincere thanks... #68716
12 y
2,338
- Re: Absence of Malice seek2clean
12 y
2,365
- Absence of Malice #68716
12 y
2,477
- Re: Accountability??? seek2clean
12 y
2,482
