sex, how to loosen my vagina? 
tigerlily23
14 y
34,720
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i am a 25 yr old woman who has sexua| problems. when i was a teen, i had a guy insert his dick in me without asking me if i wanted it in or not he just did it on his own. at 17, a guy tried to put his dick in me and got mad at me bout it we had a miscommunication. during the times i tried to have sex, it was a nightmare! constant issues of guys degrading me in the bedroom telling me how bad i was or how unattractive i was plus there was zero communication in the bedroom it all resorted to arguing and name calling.
since then, i ended up not liking sex because of that and felt why bother if i am gonna continue to get mistreated? i have a bf of 6 yrs whom i love dearly, i still have problems with sex. my vagina is tight, i freak out if i try to finger myself i cant even get a pap smear done without jumping off the table!!
i have done some kegal exercise, honestly, i dont feel how its working for me i still see no difference. when my bf inserts his dick in me, theres still pain he cant go any further in me like the most he can in is like 1/4 maybe 1/2 if my vagina loosens up more. he is 7 in not gigantic but im aroused but i dont produce enough wetness i dry up very quickly and yes we do use lube.
im tired of going to gynos all they say is 'go to a sex therapist,' i am like yea with what money and job? i want to be able to have his penis in me without me freaking out, i feel inferior in the bedroom because of my lack of past exp all cuz those past guys made me feel stupid cuz "i didnt know what i was doing" according to those jerks!
i do take a flower remedy for stress and anxiety, but i still feel the anxiety in my stomach u know that knot u get in ur gut? i only take it when i need to yet my body would flip when my bf enters me. gynos get angry with me because they cant stick that instrument in me so they can see inside me im like gee whiz im sorry i didnt have a good sex life when i was single!!!
i am looking for options, which i dont see any good ones at the moment. am i suppose to just sit here with a tight vagina just freaking out over the pain issue? things cost money and thats money i dont even have at all. i did tae a garlic supplement to clean myself out down there and it helped a lot plus sticking yogurt in my vagina to give it probiotics. what options are out there?
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- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? BlueRose
14 y
30,971
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,797,610Your problem could well be a physical condition (I forget the name for it right now). However, considering you were raped (Yes---that was rape---he penetrated you without asking you!) it could very well be a psychological issue. I think you need to address that aspect of it by getting some counseling. Call RAINN (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network) at 1-800-656-HOPE. The person on the other end of the line can steer you in the right direction. Or look at their website: http://www.rainn.org/
Have you asked your GYN if your problem is in part, a physical one? If not, please do ask.
Best of luck with everything!
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- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? tigerlily23 14 y 29,590
- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? #68716
14 y
29,629
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This is a reply to # 1,797,610Blue Rose offered some excxellent suggestions, paricularly in contacting the hotline. You were, indeed, raped, and the language that you're using in reference to what should be a delightful byproduct of a loving, healthy relationship suggests objectification and victimization. I am not rendering a diagnosis, here, but merely an observation.
By contacting the hotline, you will have access to FREE counseling that will address the issues that accomany sexua| assault. Combined with a thorough physical exam, making that call will be the first step onto your healing path and help to reduce anxiety about sex. There is also the website http://www.ndvh.org
that you can research. You don't have to live like this and there are many avenues to healing one's Self (Self = Life's Spark, or soul).
Brightest blessings to you, and may you find your way onto your healing path!- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? tigerlily23
14 y
30,337
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This is a reply to # 1,797,994my gyno told me i dont have any tears in my vagina but notice i jump when that instrument gets put in me. i am talking to rainn right now. i dont have anxiety with foreplay or having my bf go down on me, its just when his dick gets near my vagina... - Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? tigerlily23
14 y
30,279
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This is a reply to # 1,797,994interesting site. i see this is mostly for domestic violence my mom would benefit but she would never go to a shelter. where does it say anything about sexua| abuse on that site?- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? #68716
14 y
29,821
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This is a reply to # 1,798,348At http://www.ndvh.org
there is reference to every aspect of domestic violence - one form may be more prominent, but all forms are present to some degree or another. If you were raised in an environment of domestic abuse/violence (or, neglect), it's an even better reason to call at leat one of the hotlines that you were provided.
Take a look at the Domestic Violence Survey, or read the page on my blog, Floating The Abyss, that briefly mentions sexua| abuse, and learn more about how far and wide this issue reaches.
best wishes and brightest blessings to you.- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? tigerlily23
14 y
30,066
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This is a reply to # 1,798,383i was raised in a house with abuse emotional and some physical. nobody didnt bother to help me get out of it and i am still in it. i dont have anywhere else to go to get out of the situation....- You do have options #68716
14 y
29,678
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This is a reply to # 1,799,747I'm so sorry that you were raised in such an environment and, as I've often posted before wit5h regards to what happens to children, you were taught to be a victim. You don't have to remain a victim, however. You can take steps that will help you to process your childhood experiences and strngthen you feelings of self-worth and self-confidence.
If you have a chance, visit http://www.ndvh.org,
and research your locality for possible resources. They have the website and a toll free number that you can call to speak with someone so that you don't carry your childhood experiences with you into your adulthood.
Brightest blessings to you on your healing journey!- Re: You do have options tigerlily23
14 y
29,316
This is a reply to # 1,799,788my childhood issues been carried with me since i turned 18 in 04 and now at 25 yrs old. what im doing is researching in my state to see if i could get a place even though i have no job through the gov better than nothing until i find something better. that site, never heard of it before or seen it for that matter.
ill give them a call sometime....- Re: You do have options tigerlily23
14 y
29,679
This is a reply to # 1,800,311forgot to ask, how will that link actually help me? besides chatting about my problems, how bout that company actually get me a place to live? i am not talking about a shelter, i am not living in no shelter i want a place of my own. in AZ (Arizona), they don't have crap for young single people with no children. i was gonna talk to HUD, but i was told i may be able to get something not sure. With hud, they look at a person who has children who has more of a need vs someone like me with no kids.
- Re: You do have options BlueRose
14 y
29,371
This is a reply to # 1,800,578I have heard of at least one apartment complex in Maricopa County that is for lower income residents. It's one where your income can't go past a certain point. They have one bedroom apartments that they rent to childless people. I'm sure that it isn't the only type of complex in the area like that either. You don't need to go through HUD to rent an apartment in these types of complexes. You go to the rental office and fill out an application. Are you in Maricopa County? If not, I'm sure you can find similar type complexes in other AZ counties.
Otherwise, it's hard to advise you what to do without having more details. Do you have a full-time job? I gather you want to get out of your current living situation and live alone? Or, are you willing to have a roommate? If so, look around for people advertising for a roommate.- Re: You do have options tigerlily23
14 y
29,316
This is a reply to # 1,800,841i am out of a job (as i said in the very beginning), zero money, pretending to be living with my boyfriend even though i am still at home. yes, i am in Maricopa county, but i will not go to a place that is filthy and run down. in the city i live in, scottsdale, az, the neighborhood is kinda run down with neighbors who tell u what to do and the apt complex is crappy thats how my folks want to live. my dad has the money to get a better and cleaner place, hes still wanting our old unit back because we had a fire incident last year, its been a year and still hasnt been fixed!
i am using my boyfriend's address. when i was teen or say 18, i was looking for a place but nobody wouldnt let me live with them without a job. phoenix, az has a 9.6 unemployment rate. so, its hard to get a job while having a college degree. what are the names of the complexes? of course, i was told to go through HUD to help me. actually, i never heard of an apt complex renting to someone with no income, i have zero income.
how could i search for this on google? if i can get enough information, that would be great for me then i can leave. its a stepping stone, until i get a job and save up the money, then i can do better. what sucked about HUD was that there is a 2 yr waiting list! who has time to wait? lol. i told my boyfriend that i am going to say to my folks that a job is gonna relocate me but not tell them where i am going. i'd like to live on my own, i hope a roomie wouldnt be like those roomies on judge judy you know? lol.
to be honest, my siblings and i grew up living in a filthy house full of crap piled up to the high heavens! it was that in new york (before i was born) and in CA, where i was born and raised. so, i dont wanna go to another place full of filth either.- Re: You do have options BlueRose
14 y
29,619
This is a reply to # 1,800,862Check out this place:
http://www.vacancy.com/arizona/mesa-apartments/the-village-at-sun-valley/
Yes, I'm well aware at just how hard the recession has hit Arizona. I suggest that you get out there and really pound the pavement. Even if you have to work 2 or 3 part-time jobs, it's better than nothing. Be willing to take any work that is honest work---even if it is minimum wage and even if it is the graveyard shift.
As for finding a roommate---if you find someone who is looking for a roommate and your share of the rent is doable for you, then you go look at the home/apartment and ask to see the room that would be yours. Don't be afraid to ask your potential roommate lots of questions so that you can get a feel for whether or not you'd be compatible. Of course, you take your chances moving in with someone you don't know but then again, sometimes friend or relatives move in together and it ends badly.- Re: You do have options tigerlily23
14 y
29,371
This is a reply to # 1,800,867hey, thanks for the site. honestly, i can not get hired because of my lack of work history. i have been going to career shops and hopefully waiting to see if i will get approved for job training. i have applied to numerous low end jobs as well as decent jobs paying $10-12/hr, i have been rejected all the time. i only had 3 interviews last year, twice with the post office and once with UPS didn't get hired.
heres the sad part: nobody dont wanna hire at all even if the sign says we r hiring. i cant find nothing entry level in this state! the only advice from a career advisor was to volunteer cuz my gap keeps getting wider and wider but just to add new skills onto ur resume. i was thinking sounds interesting but what am i gonna do for money? still, nobody cant seem to answer that question yet!
ive been to 5 career fairs, most of them had sales commission only! i have posted an ad to do work, like odd jobs, i got one call about a home based biz which is not what i am seeking. other that, nobody hasn't called. yes, i have been hustling like no other for a job. actually, i called this nonprofit who told me to come in (as well as my bf) to see if the guy in charge of the employment part in the nonprofit, can help us get a job. i do plan on going there to see what they have.
here's one concern: making sure its a stable job and hopefully it doesn't go down the toilet, then having to end up finding another job because they needed to "offshore the company."
i checked out the link, basically i need a job to get this place or any place? the reason why i was gonna contact HUD is because to see if they helped childless people like me, DES didn't know that but told me to contact them. I did, the email didn't help the employee referred me to the website i am like u can't answer the question? :P- Making it happen #68716
14 y
29,534
This is a reply to # 1,801,024It would be a wonderful thing if everyone who needs a job could find one. As it is, people who have been working 20 years at a good salary have been forced to accept whatever job they can get. Setting a standard of $10 per hour without a marketable skill is unrealistic and self-defeating. At this point, it seems that someone in your situation would be willing to accapt wages beginning at the deplorable minimum wage, especially with no work history. What we want is one thing, but what is "reasonable".is quite another.
Volunteering is helpful. Also, walking into a restaurant, asking to speak to the manager, and telling him/her you are willing to wash dishes, sweep floors, wait tables, and whatever might be available may yeild positive results. As far as housing goes, once again, you may have to lower your standards and expectations for a while until you've earned enough and saved enough to facilitate the changes that you want.
Getting involved with a government agency is sometimes necessary in dire situations, but looking to ANY agency to provide things can present a dangerous and very intrusive situation. And, many programs foster a sense of helplessness and do nothing to actually assist an individual to move forward.
Best of luck to you.- Re: Making it happen tigerlily23
14 y
29,413
This is a reply to # 1,801,056well, i got 6 mos of work experience in retail and had another job which lasted a week then i quit back in 05-06. i can only lower my standards but so much yet i am still not being hired! right now, i got workshops to do for 2 weeks so i am putting my job search on hault until i am done. u cant make something happen if these companies still wont hire anybody again i cant find nothing entry level to build up from there.
like someone told me u dont wanna be a slave to volunteering. u will have all of this "free work" on ur resume, but still no job. how is that paying in the long run? someone told me on linkedin.com. of course, money isnt falling from the sky. my car insurance will be due june 2011, if i cant pay that then i wont have insurance to drive the car plus my registration is coming up in oct 2011 too. my sister told me u might have to get rid of that bucket considering the repairs is costly you too much or if u can get a job beforehand to fix some of the repairs, but it wouldnt be something i would be willing to waste money on.
however, i am still looking at jobs here and there. i am getting help from the state which my parents dont know. im gonna be in debt soon because i am living off my credit card. i am hungry, starving, etc and applied to numerous jobs never heard back from them and if i did it was the usual u dont qualify for the job. i should sue at least i will have money lmao.
heres the interesting part. i apply to jobs with no experience and i get a reply saying u dont qualify or being in the interview they change it to u need experience when thats not what it says on their job ad. i am waiting back to hear from intel, they said they will keep in contact by email. another issue no employer doesnt wanna abide by the law on religion, i had employers who needed people for saturday and i said sorry i go to my congregation on saturdays.
AZ is limited on employers or good jobs, nobody wants to work in over 110 degrees outside anyway.- Re: Making it happen BlueRose
14 y
29,404
This is a reply to # 1,801,396As SoulfulSurvivor pointed out, you need to look for any honest work---even minimum wage. If you have to wash dishes, bus tables, work on a cleaning crew, work as a security guard on the graveyard shift, work at the local Circle K on the graveyard shift---you do what you have to do as long as it's honest employment. Plus you work whatever days that are offered. If teens in AZ are getting hired for low-paying jobs, then you can, too. I'm not saying that as an insult either.
Are you in religious services all day on Saturday? If not, then work around it. If you go in the morning, then you have the rest of the day to work.
When I got out of college, it was during a bad recession. The only work I could find was part-time graveyard shift minimum wage work. A friend and I got a crappy apartment in a not-so-great area. You make do in that situation and you plug along. When the economy picks up, so will more job opportunities.
Not wanting to get too political but ironically enough, in AZ, with employers being required to use E-Verify, you are more employable than many people.
Take SoulfulSurvivor's great suggestion and go to local restaurants and ask if they need anyone to wash dishes or bus tables. If they don't, and are part of a chain, they may know of other locations that are hiring.
Make sure you dress nicely when asking for work. Even for a job paying minimum wage, taking the time to dress nicely could make all the difference.
You need to make finding a job your full-time job. If you have to work outside in the summer in order to have funds coming in, then that's what you have to do.
Remember---there is dignity in any and all honest employment. Good luck in your search for work.- Re: Making it happen tigerlily23
14 y
29,444
This is a reply to # 1,801,451I agree. Let me ask you this. have you ever lived in AZ? let's pretend the answer is no you have never lived in AZ. I can speak about the job problem in AZ and I said before that I have applied to low end jobs and i am still not getting hired. This state is a do nothing state nor do they like to pay. it seems to be people with no higher education are getting the jobs while those who have a college degree arent getting the jobs.
now, the religion question. yes, i am in that service all day saturday. we do not work on saturdays because it is a Sabbath, i remember my boyfriend had to work after the service on saturdays but he didn't work too. he isn't with that company anywhere. E verify? if i was so employable, then how come the post office and UPS didn't hire me last year? We were told they were not using e verify to do background checks on people. if i was more employable than some, i would have a job a long time ago.
i use job search engines all the time and i go to job workshops to see who they have to hire. i saw they had a posting for a job, out of league when it comes to experience plus it was in the healthcare field as a nurse, i didn't go to school for a nurse.
i am still looking for jobs and trying to find free job workshops here and there. let me ask you this how did u move out? did u move out with no money saved? my sister told me in order to move out have at least $20k in the bank for the rent, paper work, application fees, plus buying kitchen ware, furniture, etc. she told me to move out with some kind of money in my pocket.
the postal position i did apply for was graveyard but didnt get hired.
thank you very much for the advice and i will continue to keep searching for a job! :)- Re: Making it happen BlueRose
14 y
29,368
This is a reply to # 1,801,503Ok---I'm not going to go into great detail here but I do know what things are like in AZ---visited it many times, used to have relatives there who left due to the job situation.
I was able to move out and into my own place after college because my parents lent me some money for the first month's rent and the security deposit. It took a couple of years before I was in a position to pay them back. As I said, my friend and I got a crappy apartment. Such places don't do thorough background checks. She was still a student. Neither of us had to have a parent co-sign the lease.
I don't know where your sister got the 20K in the bank figure but, TBH, that's just ridiculous. If that were the case, then there would be a lot of empty apartments and lots of people out in the streets. However, she is right that you should have some extra money put aside for personal expenses. As for furniture, if you have to sleep on an air mattress and live out of your suitcases, that's what you do. I was able to take my bedroom furniture with me when I moved out. My roommate had her mattress and box spring on the floor. We had no living room furniture. She brought a small dining room table that seated two. You know what? We managed just fine.
You are employable. It's just, as SoulfulSurvivor pointed out, you (let's be realistic in today's job market) are aiming too high. Post office jobs are in high demand due to the good pay and benefits. Have you applied to wash dishes in a restaurant or work at a Circle K, for example?
You need to lower your expectations when it comes to getting a job and where you will be able to live. That's not to say that you should live in an area where there are drug deals and drive-by shootings either. However, there are apartment complexes where the apartments aren't all bright and shiny and the people there aren't the classiest. Or, once you have secured work, look into the apartments in the link I sent to you. Those apartments are on a bus route so you would be able to get around without a car, if necessary.
Good luck and start pounding the pavement with a vengance!
Expand 12 messages, 21 to 32 of 32 tigerlily23
14 y
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- Re: Making it happen BlueRose
14 y
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- Re: Making it happen tigerlily23
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- Re: Making it happen BlueRose
14 y
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- Re: Making it happen tigerlily23
14 y
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- Making it happen #68716
14 y
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- Re: You do have options tigerlily23
14 y
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- Re: You do have options BlueRose
14 y
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- Re: You do have options tigerlily23
14 y
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- Re: You do have options BlueRose
14 y
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- Re: You do have options tigerlily23
14 y
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- Re: You do have options tigerlily23
14 y
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- You do have options #68716
14 y
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- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? tigerlily23
14 y
30,066
- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? #68716
14 y
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- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? tigerlily23
14 y
30,337
- Re: sex, how to loosen my vagina? BlueRose
14 y
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