Please help me! I am desperate to be something other than what I have turned into. I binge almost every day. I am no longer restricting at all, so I have just gained a ton of weight in the past 2 months.

I was never a fat child. I have always been fairly petite. I am 5' tall. My weight in college never went above 115 lbs. I have never been good at making friends, especially with girls. The few girl friends that I have had, have been around the majority of my life. My bingeing began after college, when my best friend and I got into an argument that resulted in her backing out of my wedding, throwing me out of hers, and moving out of our apartment. I tried to be strong around my family and my husband (then, fiance), but it killed me. I was so embarrassed. I had to find a new Maid of Honor 1 month before the wedding. In the month leading up to my wedding, I gained 20 lbs. Needless to say, I was mortified that I had allowed myself to gain so much weight right before my wedding. I gained another 10 lbs. on the honeymoon. I am sure that my husband was wondering what in the world he married. I went from very active, working out 4-5 times a week to laying on the couch, plunged into a deep depression. From there, I have gained and lost weight (30-40 lbs. each time) for the past 5 years.

In March, after losing about 30 lbs. last year, I had my first child. I was very proud because I kept my weight gain down to 28 lbs. during my pregnancy. After all of the pregnancy weight that leaves on its own left, I was not happy with how I looked. From there, I have spiraled out of control, reaching my all time high, about 50 lbs. more than I should weigh.

I don't know what to do. Food consumes my every thought. I think about my weight every waking hour. When I go out, I look at other people and compare myself to them. Is that what I look like? Am I bigger than her? Am I smaller than her? I wish I looked like that. I can't even walk to the mailbox without doing it. I hate myself for it. I look disgusting. I don't even recognize myself. I don't want to leave the house. Because I have never been good at making friends, I don't even want to try. Who would want to be friends with me anyways?

Please help!! Compulsive overeating runs in my family (although not one of them will admit it). I don't want to pass this on to my daughter. I don't ever want to be a poor role model for her. I am desperate for help!