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#129136
14 y
1,808
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years, soon to be 6 and plan on getting married one day. However he has serious problems with a one night stand I have had in the past, before I ever met him. I have lied to him about it, altering it so that it does not hurt him so much, even though I have lost my virginity to my boyfriend now and such, I just feel it is unhealthy the way he is so worried and upset with me over the issue. However, I feel bad hiding this from him, but feel it is unnecessary in our relationship. I know it will hurt him, and be an issue in the long run that I feel is easier to avoid. I just want to know if I am wrong from keeping the details from him? It had nothing to do with him, and is not something I could change anyway.
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- secrets are a good thing. John McCain 2008
14 y
1,595
This is a reply to # 1,629,226Advertisement
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”I was surprised by the effectiveness of it, and I wasn’t hungry.”
the problem with people today is that we do way too much overcommunicating. too much information. things that don't need to be discussed, are discussed. most things have nothing whatsoever to do with the person in the present, but can lead their mind astray. secrets are absolutely necessary to maintain a successful life in all categories from business to personal. guys are funny about past screws...you never know how one will take it, so my response is to keep it off the script. forget it ever happened. don't give ammunition to people unable to handle the weapon. i give what people need to hear, nothing more nothing less...and life is very good. i've told people things i shouldn't in the past, and it bit me in the ass every time. so, now my poliicy is: i'll tell you what i good and well want to tell you. be your own publicist. promote and market what image you want to set forth. no need to lie...but definately don't be an open book on every little chapter...
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- Re: Are secrets okay? HarmonicCharge
14 y
1,649
MoreThis is a reply to # 1,629,226
>>he has serious problems with a one night stand I have had in the past, before I ever met him<<
What? You had a one night stand BEFORE you met your bf but you lost your virginity to your BF????
You mean a sexless one night stand?
Anyway, regardless of that (I don't get it)
I had a serious relationship with a man who would hold all kinds of stuff against me from before I ever met him!!! He even got upset about a cute little story about a boy in the 6th grade...I kid you not.
It is so much better to be involved with people with whom you can share your life experiences with you as friends and not as judges. Who wants to live like that?
My ex bf would try to make me feel ashamed or like a slut and usually the stories were supposed to be funny or cute, not evidence of being a slut...he was so weird like that. He wouldn't believe if the stories were innocent and sexless, he was too stuck on being jealous.
He was ridiculous and sounds like your guy is too,
I hope he can loosen up. Some women might have 50 one night stands, ONE one-night stand he should man up and accept.
(I suppose he is perfect? A virgin before you met him?? Come on.)
People who hold your secrets against you, use the info you shared with them in confidence to hurt you--they lose the honor and the privilege to receive any more secrets. That is my opinion.
How can they argue with, "why didn't you ever tell me about such-and-such?" When your response is, "Because the way you tormented and hassled me about the other secret I told you. I didn't want to deal with your negativity. You try to make me feel bad and I don't like that"
- Re: Are secrets okay? hanna
14 y
1,826
RR
This is a reply to # 1,629,245Advertisement
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”I was surprised by the effectiveness of it, and I wasn’t hungry.”
I agree with the other 2 posters. I assume you are young, because when people are older they usually have longer histories but that is all part of growing up.
When you meet the right person only the present is important.
Actually I am more concerned about your life now with him, is he jealous in general. Do you go out with your friends and is he ok with that or does he question you when you come home.
Don't tell him more than what he wants to hear but make sure that your life with him is what you want for your future.- ----- #129136
14 y
1,893
This is a reply to # 1,629,309Thanks, I guess I just needed some reassurance.
I love him, and I love the present we have together.
I just hate thinking that my past could possibly matter in it all.
I feel wrong keeping things from him, and lying about it just to keep things strong.
But I also do feel it is needed.
And that none of it matters, it just gives him reason to judge me outside of the person that hes come to know of me.
I know we are young, but we have been together along time.
I want things to continue to work out in the long run, but I want to make sure I am going about it all the right way.
I feel bad because it all hurts him, and because I feel the pain is un-needed, I lie about it. I cannot change it, so I feel no need to hover on it. I do not regret my past, he should not be giving me any reason too.
I don't want this to bite me in the ass later down the road, but I feel that the whole concept of some secrets are needed to keep a relationship running strong is a true one. It just took a little talking about it to understand it.
I have never lied to him about anything, and if it just happens that out of all our relationship I lie about one night that happened before we even knew each other, then I do not seem the harm.
If I did not want to keep him, I would not bother trying to find people to talk about it to. I just don't want to feel that I am in the wrong.
- ----- #129136
14 y
1,893
- Re: Are secrets okay? hanna
14 y
1,826
RR
- secrets are a good thing. John McCain 2008
14 y
1,595
