For Anne_33 (and any/everybody of course :) 3 in 1 response For Anne_33 (and any/everybody of course :) 3 in 1 response
For Anne_33 (and any/everybody of co... 
unyquity
14 y
1,809
Thinks, thoughts, healing stuff, and a generous helping of 'tough love' enclosed (like usual :)
Anne/everyone, since these posts (below) Anne_33 has sent me a few PMs, so I might make a few comments that make no sense to the other posts...but Anne'll understand.
I awoke this morning with out of bounds energy
So we know "lack of caffeine" isn't the cause for your lethargy and tiredness.
Perhaps the coffee enema, castor oil pack and other good things you've done the last day or two had something to do with the difference in energy. ..been in high gear all day today ...cant think straight either ,overly anxious and bp is borderline on the high side.. OR...
--you're having 'benzo flashbacks' OR
--the exposure to the paint & new furniture toxins is causing reactions OR
--your body is clogged & toxic, so the energy spurts are totally erratic just like 'general flow' throughout your body OR
--the original reason/cause and anxiety for your starting on the benzos has never been healed or resolved OR
--the unresolved panic/anxiety affects you physically OR
--the new synthetic/toxic supplements (see below) you've been "bandaiding" yourself with are starting to show their toxicity OR
--any/all combination of the above.
Okay Nola, regarding your blood pressure - what "numbers" do you consider 'borderline high'? Please answer this when you reply.
Once again, I will remind everyone - the top number/systolic used to be considered normal if it was your age plus 100...that was until they started pushing their blood-pressure poisons. Another thing for everyone to know, it's my belief that this gal is "totally addicted" to her bp monitor (and I've been begging her to wean herself off of it and throw it out the window for quite some time)...because everytime she sees her bp fluctuating (which is TOTALLY NORMAL, and particularly normal for someone with anxiety issues and still in benzo withdrawal), she panics, develops worse symptoms, and (usually) reaches for something toxic or unhealthy to lower her bp!
I have taken 2 tblsp of nutitional yeast today and 2 doses of IF#2 and 3 caps of IF#1 ..had garlic ,cayenne,ech in oj for breakfast on the run ..didnt have time to do the CE or olive oil this morning .grabbed some nuts and a V8 on the run for lunch.I am starting my monthly today also ..hormones outta whack here or what? normally I calm down when I start!
had absolutely no caffeine today at all ..
I like energy but this is insane!!! my mind is racing to no end and I am clumsy as all get out .
so I am gonna have to break down and take my vitamins to calm me down :::sigh::: of course ..see thats why I am hooked on em right now.. Nope, you're hooked on 'em because you're not doing what you know you need to be doing to cleanse and heal your body. (Or you've been spending so much time researching all kinds of other stuff, that you still don't know or believe what you need to do to heal your body). Of all the links in this post (all "required reading" before you respond, please), this one is one you should stop and read right now: ~!~ Schulze GEM! How to choose a protocol/teacher/book MUST READ ~RN by unyquity
For you (and others that don't know), let's review benzodiazepine withdrawal facts. The experts consider one is experiencing "Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome" when what? When you've been totally benzo-free for TWO YEARS and you're still having symptoms. Anne, you haven't even been off two years! You know recovery is not 'linear' and that things get better (and worse) in "pockets". You're experiencing/reporting the same dang symptoms over and over, but you're blaming everything but the most obvious & logical thing.
It takes YEARS for your GABA receptors and other bodily systems to heal themselves after being trashed by these drugs. Other meds, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, toxic foods, etc...ALL of them (particularly the alcohol) further prevent you from healing.
You're not even to the point yet that you're SUPPOSED to not be having 'flashbacks'...in this stage a return of the symptoms and issues is expected (even if you hadn't been doing things to make it worse or slow your body from healing).
I have snapped at my daughter so much today that she finally said ...MOM I am just not gonna talk to you anymore today since you are in a bad mood... my hands were and still are shaking . I am a wreck ..spent the last few weeks unable to move and now I cant stop moving !! ugh! Anne, I'm not being unsympathetic (and I do understand how stressful & scary this is for you), but I think you'll agree that the definition of insanity is: "doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results". You keep playing the same ole record over & over, you keep saying you're going to take healing your body seriously (and you've made a couple of fairly decent efforts), but the same ole song keeps repeating.
One of the favorite phrases of my mom-in-law was, "well, you'll do it till you don't". Sometimes she said it with tenderness and softness, and other times she said it because she was tired of hearing us repeat the same old problems when the solutions were right in front of our faces.
just took another dose of IF#2 and now bp is up even higher !! ugh!! something is not right !! I am in full blown panic right now.. could it have been my nightly juice supper? of 1 beet with root tops,parsley,carrots,apple,celery ?followed with that dose of IF#2 ?? too much detox for me body to handle??which IF#2 should have taken care of that or ??? I dunno but I am pinging off the wall so am gonna get off here and go clean something and get ready for the weekend trip tomorrow plus work early in the morning ...trying to make the most of all this energy and not let myself get too uptight bout it ..HAHA! Whew - you're wearing me out, gal. You've had the same thing happen a zillion times for no reason at all (other than the fact your body is sick & symptomatic, you're likely full of parasites, your liver is clogged, you're highly reactive to just about anything...and you keep sucking down coffee & booze & 'synthetic supplements' to bandaid your symptoms, and not sticking with some kind of program consistently). It likely wouldn't have mattered WHAT you put in your body before it "hit", you'd be blaming what you just ate or drank.
sorry if none of this makes sense but I really cant help it right now at all.. Actually, the reason you "can't help it right now" is because of three possible reasons: 1) You don't believe in natural healing and you won't take enough time to learn about it completely enough so you can believe in it, and then make the choice to do it, or not do it. 2) You know enough to believe in it, but you won't prioritize yourself or your healing, and then do what it takes to heal yourself 3) You just like the attention. No matter which of those it is, guess what :::wink wink::: ....yep... you'll do it 'till you don't :)
waiting for vitamins to kick in to calm me down since I cant take any of the herbal tinctures that I got here..ugh! will be so glad when I can ..more on the 'bottom line' of this "vitamin thing" toward the end.
bless Ya'll cause I am back thanks for the blessings - rightbackatcha :)
Anne_33
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from this thread: http://curezone.com/forums/am.asp?i=1573806
Well Uny ..thank a lot.. ya know I need a pro's advice so I appreciate ya for that...
I know how serious this is I really do..things have got to change for me whether my hubby tags along or not...exactly right! There is NO one more important than you...ain't nobody gonna feel the hurt & pain that you feel and not if you get worse either. It's great if our spouse/friends/family will 'tag along', but if they don't, it's up to us to walk our own pathways. One of things I've always said (to myself AND to others)..."Hey, when it comes down to it, I'm gonna be the one in the casket all by myself, you're not gonna be there. I'll thank you to either help me on the pathway I've chosen, or get out of my way!" So there :::raspberry noise::::
I am gonna take the IF#1 and #2 for a while to help get me feeling better along with the charcoal.. I just got my order today for 5lbs s a wilsons coffee too ..so yay! on board with that.. I have done one coffee enema the other night already but was bout out of it so I was trying to be stingy with it..lol..which I know was ridiculous now cause I had regular organic coffee I could have used ..just dont think sometimes ... Yep "stingy is not allowed"...unless the rest of your family is working full-time jobs, you've sold all the "stuff" that isn't as important as your health/life, and everyone is starving and without electricity. Daily coffee enemas will help you SO much...I'm glad to hear you'll be doin' one every day!
did castor oil pack last night and I noticed some weird thoughts or dreams while awake..things like me taking a knife to a cow and ripping his backside open right down the side of the back bone from front to back and I was thinking what the crap??? then I realized I had the castor oil pack on and dismissed it and went on to sleep !! wow what a thought ! dont know what brought that on at all..toxins releasing maybe??? anyways it got my bowels going this morning fer sure ... Yep, the toxins come off & out like layers of an onion...and some of 'em can be downright rotten!
I did eat me a salad today for lunch ..I was out in town and started feeling a little weak and nauseous and hungry (thats how I get when I get hungry by the way .I get nauseous if II dont eat something ) so I stopped in the grocery store and got me a naked juice and a salad from the salad bar with loads of good stuff on it.. also while there got me some lemons,collard greens ,some more celery,organic beets ,and sweet potatoes don't forget, ALL non-organic "leafy greens" are now IRRADIATED! ARGH! Irradiated Food! Eating it? Here's the damage report! ..that way I will be eating healthy when I do eat/juice ..which I still have healthy options here ..i have natural peanut butter and hummus which I just love..organic carrots ,walnuts,pecans, apples, potatoes, dried legumes.... I have been eating pretty healthy here recently cause I have too..my body wont /cant tolerate the junk at all anymore .. YAY!
havent took my vitamins yet today just 1 tbslp of nutritional yeast ... the mini flush and fresh juiced carrot and celery.then a salad
I am putting peices of the puzzle together myself and have been for a while....I know I cannot do without my b-vits at all ..which is typical of a compromised liver too as liver needs them to detox and heal ..I have been reading on the www.liverdoctor.com site with Dr.Sandra Cabot and it has some really good info on there about the liver and different aliments that affect it ..a few nutrients are a must she says when healing ones liver so if I cant get them from vitamins I need to find a natural source to get em right??? Right! Read the "Schulze Gem" link about who to read & learn from...it's never someone that has ZERO clinical experience. I wanna go at this fullforce and be armed with everything possible that will help me in addition to what I will be doing from your advice....does that make sense? I am motivated !!! lplease dont take me the wrong way here ok.. I just wanna do all I can to beat this and if it will help me then I am gonna do it. Then get and read the SYL manual (PM me), watch all the Schulze videos, study everything you can find on the 'net about Dr. Christopher, Schulze and Dr. Gerson. (but not Schulzes new website, unless you know enough to know how to discern "old Schulze" from "new Schulze") 25 yrs of alcohol comsumption is what is killing me so I am thinking bout swearing it off for good That'll come closer/faster to destroying your health/life as anything .....I sure am gonna give it my best shot .Make a decision, say it outloud to us and everyone you know...and "make it so". "Giving it your best shot" means your leaving the door open for failure :( .I will be trading a social life that I become so used to for??? My health!!! health wins hands down for me on this one ...thats a no brainer ... Exactly, but there are PLENTY of ex-drinkers that still have a vibrant social life (even amongst drinkers, after they get it mastered). It IS possible to have a blast without melting your brain cells & pickling your liver! Really!!
Hubby is mentally exhausted and wants to get away for a couple of days so we will be leaving on friday and be back on Sunday ..I know he will want me to drink with him...I am gonna tell him up front that I will not drink with him this weekend or the next and not to ask me again .....I am slowly making him realize natural healing even though I know he wont do what it takes till he has too...sound familier?? yeah me too..but I have no choice like you say ..its a have to situation for me I understand - it's my job to do my best to make sure you win this battle :) ...I know he wont quit drinking in front of me cause he has no where else to go to do it...we dont have a garage so ..looks like I am gonna have to deal with it for now ...he is an alcoholic and he smokes(he goes outside) and I hope so much that he will get on board with me on this but I know he will not till something dreadfull happens to him.. (sigh) Yep, sigh...we all make our choices...and...?..."he'll do it 'till he doesn't". Sad, but likely true.
as for the couch outgassing...I just got it on Saturday ..its a sectional and they brought one wrong peice so they gotta bring me another one soon as they get their stuff straight ..but I got it covered with a blanket to protect it at the moment but the first time I slept on it I did not have it covered and I woke up with the awfulest smell in my nose and when I breathed in it hurt my chest !!! I got the heck up and went to bed and got over it but was thinking ....dang couch stinks and is gonna make me sick !!! will be glad when I can open up some windows and let this house air out ...I am so ready for warm weather ! lol.. although a good air filter /cleaner would help I assume...freshly painted room doesnt help either..and gotta paint one more soon but I diid get the low odor paint and for once that didnt bother me but it sure did my hubby ..he used to work in paint at the factory and now he cant hardly stand to smell any of it without it giving him a headache and making him dizzy WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU WAITING ON "WARM WEATHER"? Open the house up for an hour or so EVERY DAY! omg woman...you're dealing with all those horrendous toxic fumes and you're thinking that IF#2 caused you anxiety? Give me a break (please?). And "low fumes" paint doesn't have less chemicals, it's MORE chemicals covering up the chemical smell.
ok ..I tried the bone flesh and cartilage formula on my hand the other night ..within minutes I was having my typical reaction!! so had to wash it off best I could I sure hope you're serious this time about 'sticking with it' (for your sake and mine). Yes, I have seen these kind of reactions in others, but you're really going to HAVE to stick with it (further than just getting a "little better"), because your body/liver seems very compromised. ..but castor oil? no ..do I just wrap it up in an ace bandage or something with castor oil pack on?? ok me will figger it out ..but it is better today and I do think if I can get me liver straightened out everything else will fall into place..right now my body is so messed up... will get hubby to help with castor pack on my hand/wrist/arm area when he gets home from work ..100% cotton or wool socks over your hands/wrists works great for me :)
guys are here now fixing my heat unit and I cant wait till they leave so I can do a CE as my right side is burning again ..ugh!
ok they are gone and I managed to do one CE before my daughter got home from school..gonna do another one tonight before bed ..also took one tsp of IF#2 and 2 caps of IF#1 ...burning in side is better but still there...CE's are like a "liver miracle" as far as I'm concerned! :)
I used a colander with the enema but too much stuff came out to distinquish ....but I did see corn!!!! and lordy did that stuff stink ! haha..gonna have to dig out stethescope Liver crud has a special odor all it's own, that's for sure.
you are so right bout what shculze said .. if only people would work as hard at making themselves well as they do making themselves sick!! Yep, he's definitely "the most quotable" healer :)
I am guilty !! back then I was fearless ..more than I should have been too aaah youth (and stupidity...and peer pressure). We got over most of the stupidity, but very few people really ever get over the peer pressure. And getting over that just may the difference between being healthy, or sick like the rest of 'em.
The link for the vitamins I take is www.womentowomen.com/products/essentialnutrients-label.aspx I just take the multi although they did send me the bone formula.....see below
I am scared of natural healing due to my reactions but at the same time I am scared not too..I know its from my body being so comprimised and until then I will have to do the best I can ..
I do already have some hawthorn but may order some unyworm from you soon cause I know I need it unless you think that garlic would be enough to do it along with cayenne .. will be ordering some more IF#1 and #2 soon too as I am bout out .I have kept the #2 in the freezer to preserve it :::grin::: you know where to find it :)
tiredness has set in on me again along with another headache ..still gotta cook supper for hubby ...ugh! its got to get better for me really soon ...think I will take some more charcoal and some nutritional yeast for energy cause I so need some right now.. no caffeine so far today and really feeling it right now ... Learn to "ride the waves", Nola. You keep "taking something" to get an immediate effect...and sweetie that's just not the way 'healthy stuff' works. Sure it works for cocaine, benzos, liquor and synthetic/chemical "vitamins", but very rarely do you feel an immediate effect from anything natural (a few you do, like cayenne & lobelia). Remember the tortoise and the hare? You're like the hare on crack most of the time you post! lol FOCUS! You want to be the turtle, Anne...not the jacked up jack rabbit!! BREATH DEEPLY...EFT...BREATH...EFT...RELAX when something starts upsetting you...tightening up makes it worse. This isn't something that magically happens with an herb or a Xanax, this is something you LEARN & PRACTICE (and something to UNlearn).
yeah I know all bout the vitamins but in my case I have got to take something or I would end up in the mental ward..haha ..no jokes there.. ever since coming off of benzos I have been hooked on the b's and I do think they are the lesser of the 2 evils right now.. which the b's are in the multi pack that I take and until I get my body in shape then I have to take em to stay sane ..I honestly believe that what you said in your PM about "too many" is very true. About 75% of those "vitamins" are as "natural" as a benzo. :( See below
its complicated with me and there are very few things that I can take without reactions so I gotta be really careful especially with herbs . I have plenty of nutritional yeast to take though on standby but right now I need something more to like I said keep my anxiety down. Do your best to learn to 'ride the wave' and control your responses. These reactions? NEVER have killed you! They NEVER have caused anything close to your worst fears! This is a skill and a habit you need to learn & practice. And of course, if it's a benzo-remnant, there's not a lot more you can do than that.
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Now then, let's get down to this "vitamin thing" - and let's make this once and for all (PLEASE!)
Pink - SYNTHETIC (totally unnatural substance, made in laboratory)
Green - Likely synthetic or a blend of synthetic or natural
Background Info on Synthetic vs. Natural Vitamins (Q&A)
Natural Vs. Synthetic Vitamins (names-sources)
This applies to vitamins & minerals as well as herbs: Isolated/Standardized Extracts of plants & herbs
54 - Death by Ben-Gay: Synthetic vs.Natural « ESSENTIAL OILS BLOG
Supplements-Mineral and Vitamin Supplements The HONEST STORY
Okay, so here's the "bottom line" on these "vitamin bandaids" that are mostly synthetic chemicals that really (really) HURT YOUR HEALTH. You wouldn't/shouldn't respect me if someone kept taking a Xanax to "bandaid their symptoms", kept posting about it and justifying it, and then taking my time (and others' time) posting about it all the time....right? Right. You'd likely tell them (hopefully respectfully) that the chemicals were making them worse and they needed to do what "Uny said" and start dealing with the CAUSE of the problem.
So, that's what I'm telling you. I just do not have the time (or the energy) to read & respond to all your "crisis posts", when I know you're making yourself worse. Nola, it's YOUR body, and I don't have the right (or the desire) to tell you what to do with your own body. But it's MY forum (and time), and I do have the right to ask you to either 'stop making yourself worse' or stop posting about it. I think that's fair enough - I hope you do, too.
You know I love you bunches & bunches...right? RIGHT!
Unyquity
Ok ...I get it .. thanks
wonderful info that has me seeing things in a new light ... I promise not to take anymore of your valueable time . I will not post anymore of my issues and problems or such... I know there are people out there more important that are doing the protocol ... so If I do it then I do and if I dont then I guess like you say I will keep doing what I am doing till I dont ...
I am not mad at all ...just disgusted at this point ... more disgusted at myself for not having the guts/motivation or will to follow through ...
I wont post again till I have done something to improve my health ...is that better? is that what you want to hear?
seeing as how I keep having reactions to everything that I do to heal myself its kinda hard to do anything at this point ..thats why I said I needed to go slow..yes I do get it.I dont need to be taking synthetic vits either...
I have a job and a life and the title of mom and wife that I have to live up to and do the things it takes to be that around here...and they cannot deal with me being incapacatated and out of order .(yes I know it could be worse)....but they dont understand ..I live my life for them more so than me ..I try to make them happy more so than me cause I am and always will be a people pleaser..... is that my downfall? yep sure is
noone knows what its like to live in my shoes nor do I theirs..... faced with a lifetime doctrine of negativity instilled into my brain by my mother its hard to make myself be positive !!! I really am trying but I am a procrastinator cant you telll... I have very good intentions and mean everything I say when I say it but I have attention problems or ADD as they call it ... and cannot follow through with what I say that I am gonna do..... I realize this and its a devastating thing for me !! I said it!!!!! and thats one of my issues ..... so I am sorry from the bottom of my heart ... cause I cannot help it ..... I am a weak soul that is doomed to fail unless I figure a different way...
I wish I werent like that but I really dont know what I can do to change it as I have tried for so long to do so....maybe its a lifetime of never being held accountable ..
so I truly am sorry to be wasting anyones time on here and to know that you are so quick to give up on someone not doing what you say .. but if someone doesnt give a **** then why should I??? after all I do things for others all the time unselfishly ..I am willing to go that mile to help others and I sacrifice things for myself to do it all the time ..cause I enjoy helping others and its easier telling others how to do and what to do than doing it myself ...is that not screwed up ????I was in pre-med at 18 yrs old to become a doctor so that I could help others! not knowing what I know now.glad I didnt finish though..
maybe I am taking all this too personal right now but I just want you to know that I am not doing what it takes cause I am scared !!! not because I dont want tooo... scared of having a reaction and noone here to help me and talk me through it ..and reassuring me that everythings gonna be ok ..... call me a big baby or whatever you want but when you have been through what I have been through then you would understand where I am coming from ...its not that easy and I have been through a lot in my life ...my mother used to chase me around with a scissors /knives or whatever she could get her hands on .never gave me any privacy at all . would call the law on me for not coming inside when she locked me outta the house to begin with ..getting sent off to reform school at 13 because of her bs ..on probation for bs too.she was whacked and sometimes I think I am gonna turn out just like her ..is it really possible for someone that is born with that condition to reverse it???? I really wanna know!! cause she was born with it ...her dad (my papaw ) died in a mental asylum ...my aunt(moms sister) was an alcoholic so that runs in my family too...my dad has problems and has been on pain pills for 20 yrs... among others meds...
I have 4 brothers...one who tried to kill himself over his ex-wife..one is in jail for drugs ..one is on opiates/benzos for back/nerve problems and is basically worthless.. and the other one is on opiates and whatever else he can get .I have noone .my best friend takes pills for fibro and back pain and cholesterol/diabetes ....and I am married to an alcoholic too! so you see the pattern is not good for me !...and they(dads side) are all the time pushing me to take an opiate for my back pain and nerve pills for my nerves!!! my best friedn is telling me that I have an inherited nerve problem and I need to be on something!and hubby is an alcoholic! its insane !!! I have more to deal with here than just doing a cleanse and taking herbs ..I have to deal with them! and lets not forget trying to keep myself on the straight and narrow and doing everything I can to get healthy while everyone around me is trying to kill themselves..and take me down with them!!!! I am doomed it seems ..trapped in a hole and I cant seem to find a way out .!!! one thing that doesnt run on my dads immediate side of the family is cancer !! and I dont see why not !!! cause of everything they eat /do.....
and blood pressure is a big thing for me ...and its a phobia for me !! so its not something I can turn off like that ok! I have seen/heard of the family dying from high bp induced strokes and heart attacks till its got me running scared of it...maybe its the only thing that I can or feel like I can control I dunno ...
I get paranoid about things like that and I think that if I can keep a check on it then I will know where I stand and that I will be able to do something about it..
I do have control issues in my life to where I have got to be in control of certain things .. if I dont then I have anxiety about it cause I have felt outta control for way too long in my life ..go figure...... I know I have problems/issues ..and its just very hard to try to keep fixing myself all the time and not have any help/support ..... I also am a pushover/gullable... I have let people manipulate me all my life and cannot seem to get a backbone to stand up for myself either except when it come to my hubby and kids and thats where I draw the line and I so know thats it not right .or untill I get pushed to the limit then watch out.... guess that come down to when I was a kid and getting teased all the time for being poor and wearing funny clothes and never feeling like anyone liked/loved me then either and being called ugly or olive oil cause I was skinny and had long legs ..so hence the people pleasing thing came in..hey! I can make friends that way ! . but I guess with my kids and hubby well I wont tolerate anything more than I can take cause I have to live with them and I could not possibly take it every single day .....they say you hurt the people you love way more than strangers ...guess thats true in a way..
people like me hide behind masks every day ..trying to be someone that they always knew they were meant to be or are trying to be but because of their raising and influences they cannot overcome and that in itself can cause major issues and problems and obstacles..when you are not given the tools to deal with life issues and you have to figger them out on your own and are not prepared to do so it makes for a hard troubled life..
mama Uny ..you know I love you !! and I know you mean well from the bottom of your heart and I am so sorry for everything ..(.you see I never really had a mamma !! or at least not one that would tell me what I should do and what I shouldnt do and one that held me accountable or one that I could talk too . .only one that would yell at me whenever I got on her nerves and she was on nerve pills ! and a stepmom that hated me ).and I respect you from the bottom of my heart for what you have done for me ...but I dont ever ,ever wanna be a burden on anyone or take away your valueable time for others that are serious about their health ..
I am so sorry for being the person that I am sometimes...but I really dont know how to fix me!!... but I am trying !! please know this!!... not everyone is tough and can do what it takes without someone there riding their ass the whole way !! I guess I am one of em and I dont expect you to do that ..or anyone else!
I have succumbed after reading your post to drinking beer and wallowing into my own self doubt and self pity ..so yeah I am buzzed now and about 8or 10 beers in speaking my mind and the truth about myself and who I really am.and crying croc tears while doing it... killing a few brain cells huh? well I am guess I am showing you whats left of what I got then cause I can become my true self when I drink and I guess thats what reels me into the trap of alcohol .. and I figured what the h***... if everyone is gonna give up on me then why bother ? but if everyone is for me then I have to carry the load of letting em down .. not a load I want to carry at all.....
dont know whether or what anyone will think of me after this but I guess its a consequence I will have to deal with and if need be Uny ? just delete it.. that would probably be better..
but I can say this... I never ever would turn someone away who needs help and is trying to get it right in more ways than one ..everyone has their demons to fight and not many can do it on their own...it all comes down to who is stronger ..the healer or the one wanting to be healed.. hey! I am learning every day...
my monthly trips with dad to the doctor and the influences I have to deal with are not good but I refuse to let him make that trip by himself in his condition cause I love him and I will be there for him at any cost ...
I took my daughters boyfriend in while she was away for military duty for 2 weeks and he has a mental problem and noone else would even try to understand him but me!!! my friend was tellling me to kick him out!! and I couldnt /wouldnt do it.. it wrecked havoc on my nerves and my family but I was determined to help him understand a few things and ya know what? it worked ! he went back home for a bit with his dad and he spoke highly of me and what I told him and how I made him understand things and that made me feel really good that I could help him out like that .. because I showed him love and understanding and my heart and reality and a little tough love.... even though my daughter is treatin him like dirt that boy to this day calls me mama and tells me he loves me for what I have done for him! .he after all is a human being that deserves love and respect ..now if I could only show myself the same huh?
speaking of my daughter...well Uny knows what is going on and I am gonna be in court tomorrow to see what the deal is ... she is fixing to be 19 and has just went totally wild this year .. messing with guys .....lying ... being irresponsible the whole bit and its tearin my heart out too... she got arrested friday ( while I was outta town)for driving on suspended and missing court date ..I really hope she straightens up cause she doesnt wanna listen to anyone and thinks she knows it all.. I have had to deal with drama because of that too..no peace at all this weekend till I turned off my phone..
sorry this is such a long post but I felt like it was necessary for you to know who I truly am and what I am up against .. I am being totally honest here ..
there are a lot of people that post on here on curezone in general and they(some) only give pieces of the story .. I try to give the whole story and sometimes I may go into more detail than others want to read .. I also learnt a lot on the benzobuddies forum but there they accepted you for who you was /are and only gave a loving slap on your back when they thought you were doing something you werent suposed to ...or would harm you ...I am a stubborn soul and have learnt to find my own way in this world or maybe one that suits me ...I also know that if and when the time comes that I hope I am strong enough to fight the fight for my life if need be... and if beer kills your brain cells then I would be brain dead by now for sure ...but I am not ..mabe a little ignorant but not brain dead! I am a smart person on certain things fer sure ...and high on logic and an IQ of 162 according to tests I have taken but that comes back to me always trying to figger out why??? why??? why? why people do the things they do.. even myself .. everyone does what they do for a reason..there is always something behind it ..and I try to figger it out..a profiler? maybe I am ..maybe I have missed my calling.... but I am good at reading people pretty good I think .I also know how much I was misunderstood as a child living with mom and having to go and talk to probation officers that chose not to hear my voice and my cries only telling me that I needed to listen to my crazy psychotic mom or that she could call them and have me sent off. thats when I became rebellious to no end . I know the people who are good and the ones who arent by now... and Uny you know who is going to do what it takes and who isnt by now dont you?? fer sure you do?am I on that list ? not sure ...as I dont know myself given my life situation.... I was premature in pumping myself up I think . only time will tell...is mine a pity story? no more than anyone elses..we all got our on demons to fight huh? so wish me luck on that one ok... maybe I will get it right one day and I will have someone to back me up and help me along the way cause I literally havent got the mental/physical strength to do so right now... sorry to be a burden on anyone cause that my dear friend is something I never wanted to do ...
and for the rest of you dear people that have tried to help me .. I thank you from the bottom of my heart .... please say a prayer for me folks cause I need it!
peace/blessing/thanks and big hugs to you all
Uny you have given me tough love when I needed it and I thank you from the bottom of my heart ... keep on healin those that deserve it gal... glad to have known ya! I am officially giving up for now cause I dont know how to fix myself anymore and I know its not anyones job to do that for me either after all I am a big girl now huh? sorry to have wasted your time....maybe one day I will get it right .
Anne_33
Oh Anne honey I love you!
Its after 2:30a.m. here and I've got to get in bed cause I gotta get up earlier than usual so I'll reply to your post in full tomorrow. I just wanted to let you know that I don't think Uny meant her post in the way you must have taken it. Uny loves you girl and would never give up on you or anybody else.
She did offer some tough love ::::wink wink:::: and if I had to guess I'd think she might have been trying to get you to spew it all out so the real healing could begin and looks to me like she accomplished that goal.
Good for you Anne because by letting us know who you really are we're better able to support you on your journey. We all have things to overcome in this life and its kinda hard to get the guidance we need if people don't know who we really are. We know who are now and guess what? We still LOVE YOU!!!!!!
Nobody here is giving up on you and you ARE NOT gonna give up on yourself or us either girlfriend!!!!! Cause we aren't gonna let ya lol!!! So put that in yer pipe and smoke it lololol!
I love you Anne and you ARE worth it and you DESERVE to be healthy.
Blessings,
Willow
Hi Anne,
I'm going to cut & paste portions of your previous posts and respond to them as best I can. I apologize for it taking me so long to respond, things didn't go the way I planned lol, so what else is new?
Let me say right up front that what I'm going to say is from a moms perspective and its what I would do as a mom if I was in your place. Just a little background on me, I went through a divorce when I was pregnant with my son so I raised him by myself until I remarried when he was in the fifth grade so I know of what I'm gonna speak lol! I've also got a few years on you so I've got some milage in this thing we call life. I've seen people with horrible pasts turn things around and I know you can do it too. Sometimes it helps to hear the opinion of someone else because we all do things differently.
As mothers we all want our children to have all the opportunities we've had and even more than what we had when we were children. I'm sorry that you had such a hard time growing up with your mother but I'm sure you want better for your daughters than you had but in order to give that to them you've had to overcome everything that happened to you when you were a child and that's been a hard road to travel I know.
I have a job and a life and the title of mom and wife that I have to live up to and do the things it takes to be that around here...and they cannot deal with me being incapacitated and out of order .(yes I know it could be worse)....but they dont understand ..
Well now you've got me crying too!
I'm not a hero I'm just tired of darkness prevailing and in order to have light shine, truth has to be spoken, but you know that lol you've done a lot of that yourself. I'm just following in your footsteps. You're right, it was spoken with the utmost respect and love but it was scary hard. But I'm betting next time will be easier.
I can't wait to see Anne healed and whole and shining light on others cause I know she'll help as many people as she can, she's got a heart of gold.
You've set the standard for truth telling in this forum and pretty soon we're gonna have an army of truthers lol!
Love ya,
Willow
Hi Anne,
When I got up this morning and read through my response to you I wanted to clear something up lol.
It sounds like I'm probably a heartless hard as*ed mom but really thats not it at all so I want to use an example.
My son has his own home now but I see him all the time and talk to him most everyday on the phone, sometimes several times a night. We're very close.
I have told him from the time he was a teenager that if he was doing what was right and taking responsibility for his actions and he got into some kind of a financial bind I would help him. But if he was out there partying, drinking and not being responsible and got into financial trouble I wouldn't give him a dime. He understood this and believes/knows I spoke the truth.
There was one time where I gave him money when he was short right after he got his own house and it was only like 50 bucks and he gave it back to me the next week. It is way different being responsible for a home and all the things that go along with it like gas/electric, phone and cable. He didn't realize, even though I had explained it to him. It only took him one month to get things straight and see what kind of money he had to blow after his bills were paid, the first month was harder because he had to pay all the deposits on phone, electric, pay for LP gas and cable.
When I gave him that money I knew that he was in a learning curve being responsible for a home and all that goes along with it and he wasn't out blowing his money on other things so I helped him. But IF he wasn't being responsible and spending his money out partying there is no way I would have given him money.
See what I mean? Both ways I have explained are coming from love. He was doing/acting responsible and truly needed help so I gave it but if he wasn't being responsible I would have withheld the money so that I wouldn't be enabling him to shirk his responsibilities. If that were the case and I gave him money I would be teaching him that someone is always going to be there to bail him out and he would never learn to stand on his own feet and take responsibility for his actions.
If we enable our children's bad behavior we aren't doing them or anybody else any good, we're only harming them. Its our job as parents to teach our kids all the things and give them the tools they'll need to spread their wings and fly when their grown.
Anyway, lol. I just wanted to explain it a little in case I sounded heartless. I call it empowering my child to stand on his own two feet. I know thats what you want for your kids so I thought I'd explain it.
Enabling vs. Empowering! Empowering wins every time lol!!!
Blessings,
Willow
So here's where that generational curse comes in. Your daughter knows you and your husband drink so she's learned that from you huh? actually she never drank a drop till she went into military ..then she came back cussing/smoking and occasionally drinking ..she was always anti-drug/booze cause of her dad being an alcoholic too.but yeah The thing is Anne that you've got to show your kids the way to live their life.I do try They see that both you and your husband drink and party and whatever so basically they've been raised seeing that kind of thing.yeah but we dont as you can say party very often ..we just like to drink to unwind and relax and I so know that thats not the thing to do. See what I mean?yep i do You can't very well tell her she can't do it when she is of age to drink when she sees you and your husband doing it all the time.yep and my dad alway said I would rather you do it in front of me than behind my back so he took me out when I was 15 and got me blitzed ..messed up huh? I'm not saying that she's never going to drink, even if she never saw you drink lol, that isn't reality. true I drank before I was of legal age and I'm sure my son did too. I think all kids try things, especially in this day and age we're living in now. But the difference is you don't want to show them that its okay to live like that all the time.yeah..but thats hard when hubby does it all the time though..
It isn't going to be easy Anne but you've got to start by laying it all out for your family.I am working on that believe me but hubby is still gonna do what he wants ..I feel so alone in all this ya know.as I have tried for that past few years You've got to show your kids and your husband that it is possible to live a different kind of life. You can do this Anne, all it takes is a decision to take your life and change it. yep and maybe I have not been consistent with it but I know that needs to change Stop drinking and doing what made you sick to start with, show your kids that you don't need to drink to live a happy, content and healthy life. Just think how much easier all this stress you're under right now would have been if you weren't sick. yep You've got to take responsibility for your health and do everything it takes to get well. I am realizing that I cannot take responsibility for anyone but myself ..You've got to tell your family that you've lived your life for them all these years and now its their turn to take responsibility for running the house and give you the time you need to heal. well wish me luck on that And if they don't like it well tough shit girl!!! You do what you have to do to get well no matter what! I really am working on that and fighting my own demons here.
I've helped a lot of people through things like this Anne so I know things can be turned around. I thank you for taking the time to help me too. All it takes is a decision and once that decision is made don't let anything get in the way of accomplishing your goal. You can stop that generational curse in its tracks but you're the one who has to do it. I know Is it gonna be easy? Hell no! But it will be so worth it Anne, I promise you!I know it will Make your family understand and if they don't, do it anyway and they will come around when they see you are getting healthy. How much happier would you be if you were healthy?much ..I feel like I am falling apart sometims. How much happier would your family be if you were healthy?much happier You aren't doing your family any good running yourself down Anne, truly.yeah I know.
