I recently fell in love with a wonderful lady who is 51 years old. Starting from when she was 10 years old, she was raped and forced to perform fellatio on a regular basis by her cousin who was 25 years old at the time. This continued for a year and a half until she was 12. After 40 years of pain and suffering, she told me about what happened. I'm the first and only person she has ever told about this. To me, it was obvious that there was something inhibiting her from having a normal, healthy intimate relationship. My first guess was correct that she had been raped as a child, but I let her tell me instead of putting her on the spot about it. It came as no surprise that although she has had intercourse with a number of boyfriends throughout her adult life, she has never enjoyed it, and has never performed fellatio on a boyfriend. She is very frightened of a man's genitals. I've been doing my best to demonstrate patience and understanding. Since I went through this with another girlfriend 15 years ago, and have had several other women tell me that they had been raped and how it made them feel, I did my best to communicate to her that I'm familiar with her situation. I told her that I know that it makes her feel dirty, ugly, guilty, and shameful. I also repeated to her many times that she is clean, beautiful, innocent, and deserves to be proud. She wants to learn how to get past the painful experience, which is positive. She has limited English skills, and I have virtually no skills at all in her native language. She is also extremely shy, which I understand is a common symptom of someone in her situation. I'm doing my best, and am eager to hear any advice on how I can help her through this. Yes, I understand that everyone recommends counseling, and I agree wholeheartedly. However, all the counseling in the world can't change what happens in bed between us. I sincerely wish to do my part to be the loving, understanding, respectful, and supportive partner/best friend I can be. Any advice on this will be greatly appreciated by the original poster, myself, and countless other men who are in love with rape victims.

I'm five years younger than my girlfriend, and can easily find someone just as or more attractive who is younger and not impaired by post rape syndrome. In fact, my ex-girlfriend is 13 years younger than me, is the most amazing lover in bed anyone could dream of, and wants me back. But none of that is important to me. I'm in love with my new sweetheart, and want to be the partner she deserves. I would never dream of cheating on her.

Please, anyone with advice, anecdotes, etc. to share with the men who are in love with rape victims, our ears and hearts are open.

Thanks!

People can change a lot in 18 years, I'm not going to assume a 28yo guy's going to abuse his niece because of what he did at 10. I understand it's not something to ignore either.

That's something she should probably talk over, if not with him, then with the 2 people who were watching.

For example: her older brother? What about his protective instincts, surely he'd help?

I too am a victim of childhood molestation and I'f it wasn't for my husband I wouldn't be able to cope with it. He encouraged me to tell the Police and my grandmother and although I was molested when I was eight and I went to the police when I was 19 they were still able to send him to jail. That is the only way she will be able to get a peice of her life back. If she won't do it for herself do it for that mans daughter does she really want another girl to suffer as she has. Trust me her grandparents will be able to handle the truth. She needs to stop sharing the blame and take back her life. FYI rape and molestation victims often suffer from post traumatic stress disorder so I would Sugest she seek counsiling. The first step to this getting any better is the truth.

Hello Concerned80, I work for a Nationally Syndicated Talk Show that helps bring justice to molest and rape victims. If you and your girlfriend are looking for help, call 877-836-3443 and ask for Brittany.