I have observed, over the years, parents with children who are 'acting out'; and have been dismayed to find that one can (almost always) see the part "food" is playing....and many times what I've seen, as shocking as it sounds, is a form of passive aggression projected by one or both parents onto the kid(s) -- or the other adults around them.

In some cases, there is a kind of determined avoidance of the difficult behaviours: a crazy-making way of dealing with anything, in my view! Truly, a form of abuse.
People can get some very twisted ideas about not rewarding "bad behaviour". But pretending nothing is going on, as a way of not reinforcing (or as a form of punishment) only contributes to children that are enraged, heartsick, and adrenally exhausted. It's really very sad all around.

Sometimes I've clearly sensed a form of satisifed glee in one or both parents, when a child is 'tantruming'. Sometimes it's one parent using the child to create discord or get back at the other, while appearing to be "doing nothing" at all.


My mother used to travel to the Arctic, when I was a kid,
as part of her work, and she'd come back and tell us how babies and children up there just ***never cried. Never.*** They were not ignored, and their needs were not left unresponded to. As a result, they had no reason to be unhappy or get distraught. Of course -- this was before the universal trend toward the so-called cilvilized world introducing Sugar into the aboriginal diet...



I don't buy the idea that it's normal for children to have tantrums. Not children who are eating real human food, and beging treated with respect as being simply smaller versions of our (adult) selves. My son never acted up, never had a tantrum, hardly ever cried at all, except the way little ones sometimes do when they are overstressed by having to keep up with (crazy) adult schedules and activities. (Once he got very angry at a little kid who threw a large rock onto a worm -- and said to him, why did you do that? He was a living being?!! That child was in utter shock and after he told his parents, they decided it was better if they didn't play together anymore. The father saw nothing wrong with the boy killing a worm for no reason.)

I don't think my son was the exceptionthough, and that all the other kids were "normal". I watched the little ones around him one by one becoming "hyperactive", (including that kid who killed the worm), being drugged, etc. but still eating the usual junk. Not one of these kids were eating what I call real food. And the more they acted out, the more their parents felt like *they* DESERVED their own Sugar and chemical treats, and mood swings, and angers -- and around and around it goes; the child's *problems* actually serving the parents' addictions...

sigh.

Because many adults want to keep their bad habits; and have ideas of "deserving" their treats because of the way they suffer and sacrifice, and put up with their difficult kids, they are NOT usually going to be inclined to admitting these "treats" are anything less than good. It's all an elaborate strategy the ego engages in, and if egos raise egos, then the younger ones are all going to be on about *me* behaviours ... stands to reason.

The thing is, we all know -for real- what's good and what's not. In our heart of hearts we know that when we are in a state of love or Grace, there is no lack. But we're always running away from peace and into mego. (I meant to say "ego", but this seems like a serendipitous new word. "mego": the spirit imprisoning itself under the delusion it is actually a body that deserves whatever IT wants.)

People lie to themselves. I know all that sounds very depressing and judgemental -- but, as with all darkness, once it's clearly brought to light, it doesn't actually have any power to hide or remain hidden. And it's all totally forgiveable, because we really know not what we do. (when we hide it from ourselves in lies)

I have great faith however, that underneath all our misdeeds, we really do want to be in and of the light. And, thankfully, we are.

Chiron