Are you saying that your kids are abusing drugs? I ask because it isn't clear from your post. If so, how old are they? You talk about them having no outlet or support---where is this the case? at home? at school? If they are abusing drugs and are under 18 years old, you not only can but need to intervene.

As to your second paragraph where you ask why people take things out on their spouses and/or kids----they do it because they can (sad to say). They know full well that if they were to do those things to co-workers or people outside the family, they will either end up getting fired from their jobs or end up in jail. That's how bullies work. They pick on the most vulnerable. A spouse being abused has the option of leaving. There are many groups out there they can turn to for help. However, children are stuck. The best they can hope for is for another adult--either inside or outside the family--to intervene in some positive form.

Dear Sparque,

I so agree with your sadness...and I'm glad you wrote that post. We need to be reminded.


Then, it crosses my mind that a schoolful of young people is a powerful lot of manpower...womanpower...kidpower.


What is going on in the community that young people could join, safely, even for just an hour a day over the holidays? ...Or, just one hour, period.

I was thinking that a little exposure to a happier holiday spirit, a giving spirit, might help both the kids and their families see other attitudes...and come to expect them...do them.

I mean, that's what all teachers do for their kids, during school hours, anyway...they share their spirit and goodwill.


What would happen if your young people developed a sing-along to holiday music, perhaps to a popular record...and then took it into the community in some convenient way?

Or, if they practiced reading-aloud a pleasant story, with hand gestures and facial expressions, or with a short skit...then presented it in a mall, or retirement home?


It seems to me that all young people have all kinds of resources to offer...at no or little cost...and that there are places that would welcome a display of goodwill.


Is there a local Boys and Girls club, or similar group?

Is there a local hospital, with a lobby?

A mall, or parking lot, or park?

A public gymnasium?


How about knitting and crochet? I know for a fact that there is an ocean of unused yarn out there...I have collected hundreds of pounds of it, from garage sales, and sorted it into a rainbow, packaging all of each dye lot together, in ziplock bags.

I'll fetch a couple of links to sites that show 'scrumbling', small works of art, freeform knitting and crochet, that join and create useful and joyous items.


http://www.geocities.com/nornsneedlework/pinkababyproject.html



http://www.knotjustknitting.com

Especially the page called, 'What is Freeform?'


For possibilities with color, see... http://www.colormebeautifulbook.com

Every library has copies of their books...though many may have pages torn out...people just love those books that much. Our local library, in a city of 100,000, had 17 copies, and one still had to get on a list to borrow it.


The fund-raising possibilities blossom in the small 'scrumbles' that the buyer may join together in their own way.


A pal, who also happens to be a fine kinesiologist, told me that there is a strong connection between handwork and intelligence in young people. If youngsters learn handwork of some kind, they are better able to understand and communicate.


Another way to help might be building blocks.

Every new house has leftover bits of wood which only get burned...nice clean ends of 2 X 4's and more, that make marvelous building blocks for little children, or teens (or adults) with time on their hands and healthy imaginations. (Whittling is a time-honored tradition, too.)

Polish off the edges, drop some pieces into pots of Rit dye, paint on free-hand 'windows' and 'doors', and you have endless hours of creative play.


Is there a church nearby which features bazaars, handicrafts?


How about a Scrabble tournament, with many winners, and small prizes...maybe everyone gets a trinket just for participating, or half a dozen homemade cookies?

...Or, a breakfast of scrambled eggs and fried potatoes (with chopped onions, white or green)?


Resources are everywhere, I think, and the whole point of the exercise is involving the young people in the community...happily and safely.


Is there a service club nearby which is interested in young people? Those guys and gals are powerful.

What would it take to combine forces, even in just a small way...once?

Happy Holidays, good lady!

Fledgling

I once saw a little television special about two ladies who started a playschool.

They turned their home and yard kid-friendly, surrounded by a high fence, with a fine 'program', within.


The part that so fascinated me was their remark that children, if left to their own devices, would work out any differences of preference, or conflict, between them.

In fact, this principle was the foundation of their tiny 'organization'.


The whole property was designed to be 'kid-safe', and the children were always carefully watched, but there was less intervention by adults than in similar establishments.

The ladies had the idea to wait and see if the children could work out their own play, and disagreements.

Not only did this policy make their own work lighter, but the children were happier for it...they learned to relate to others, and themselves, much, much better.

The children also helped each other, automatically. When they came indoors, off would come a coat, and be hung up, and the kids would follow suit...without any 'telling' necessary...it was just what came next.


What is that called? ...Playground dynamics? Something.


I've since wondered if families and communities couldn't work better on a similar principle.


Surrounded by safety, and with only the basics in equipment/constructions/management/standards, work out their own well-being.


Another example was shown in the tale of two or three families who shared a summer vacation compound, annually, for years.

The many children, of assorted ages, always had someone to play with, and alternatives, if the first didn't work out immediately.

Parental supervision was minimal.

Lunch, for example, was prepared by one child dealing out slices of bread along a long counter; another child scooping out filling; and a third coming behind, closing.


My husband's children loved the bowlful of fruit salad he often made for their breakfast.

When their mother died prematurely, he wanted to hire a housekeeper for them, as he was 'on the road' all week, but always home on Fridays, for the weekend.

However, the kids, 14 and 16, asked if they could try it themselves for a while. They did beautifully...even in the days when drugs raised an ugly head.

Dh's children just were never tempted...knew how to keep good company...and themselves reasonably tidy.


One day the smallish 14 year-old boy came home, with a tear in his eye, to tell dad that a bully was bothering him.

So dad told him that the next time he saw that kid to wade right in and give him a punch in the nose, first.


When his son next saw dad after school, the lad was all smiles.

"Did you give the bully a punch in the nose?" asked dad.

"No, Sis did," replied his son.


Playground dynamics, I think.

:D


Oh yes, in that summer vacation compound...they found that the youngest child, wherever they set his feet on the ground, would head straight for the water.

So, someone put a playpen in, just deep enough that the little one could stomp a splash.

Nearby, ones and twos and groups of parents enjoyed a real vacation.