Hi, I am new and will try to make this short!

I've been married for 6 years and have two children. I believe my mother in law and has some sort of NPD. My husband tells me I'm overly sensitive, interpret things the wrong way and that I am basically crazy.


Based on these characteristics, this is why I believe my mother in law (along with his entire family) are narcissistic:

- she is very cold and bullying to strangers, customer service people. Its not until they become "important" to her does she flip a switch and become "nice."

- she is very loud!

- she loves to be around UNHAPPY people, talking about herself and asking lots of questions and then sharing the goods with others.

- she does not have any close relationships, except with her mother.

- she does not remember any of her childhood.

- she bullied as a child and teen, including disabled people.

- her husband is very insecure and unsure of himself.

- she lacks total empathy: she has admitted to never crying at a movie. She appears agitated when someone else is getting sympathy or feels sorry for others.
A good example is when the WTC attack occurred and the next day she rolled her eyes complaining about how she couldn't believe her gym closed that night. I was stunned and said, "It's such a huge tragedy, thousands of people died..." She became visibly annoyed and snapped, "Well that's because you're from NY, that's why you say that."


- The only time she shows any emotion is for herself or for someone who gives her attention. She will cry to my husband and in public places, family gatherings over anything that she is "sad" or "worried" about. She is "constantly worrying about everyone" and always has "hurt feelings." She'll claim to have been up all night worried sick about something, someone..."

- When my husband and I were dating, she'd cry and claim to be sick if he didn't call her after we went out that night to let her know he was safe. After we got married I put a stop to this - fast. There's way more to this issue...

- She is obsessed with wealth and material things, yet talks about how frugal she is all the time.

- She is constantly making subtle spiteful remarks, but never in front of my husband.

- She'll always ask my husband questions about me as though she cares, yet never asks me.

- She's always talking about "nice things" she does for other people.

- She is constantly, I mean constantly, gossiping. She has a very clever way of leaving bad impressions about the people she gossips about without actually saying anything bad.

- She is constantly giving opinions. I mean constantly.

- Her thinking and views are very immoral; such as allowing her son to drink and drive all through his teen years b/c she says "well I did it so I'm not going to tell him not to..."

- She gives lavish gifts and money to us and makes sure everyone knows about it.

- She'll start blinking and grunting and quickly change the subject when something cames up that makes her obviously jealous, like someone elses happiness or material things.

- Her and her mother constantly badmouth others in their family.

- She claims to have "never met a family closer" than hers.

- She is overbearing- wants to talk on the phone all the time, always wants to know what we are doing...

- She never invites us or asks us to do anything, but complains about how we never make an effort and how sad she is that we are not one family.


What confuses me is that, when confronted, she does seem to try to change certain things about herself, but it never seems to last very long. She also complains about her weaknesses, but I wonder if this only fishing for compliments? She has also had a stable career, a long (but unhappy) marriage and her son (my husband) seemed to turn out pretty good. She also seems to enjoy being with my children and is a good grandmother.


Do you think she sounds "off" in some way or have I just completely overanalyzed these things?

Any opinions are appreciated, thanks so much:)