It's a challenge to be encouraging all the time, and we will mess up. But if we do our best to focus on building up our husband and children, this will cause us to reap happiness rather than the guilt. Prov. 14:1 says "The truly wise woman has built up her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands." The fact that you felt guilty shows that you realized discouragement was being caused by your words. We all blow it sometimes. But we get back on track and focus on building up and encouraging our family all the more.

Have you ever had a boss who was always picking out your mistakes but never praising you for the good that you do. Doesn't that deplete your energy. It reminds me of another Scripture. Prov. 24:10 "Have you shown yourself discouraged in the day of distress? Your power will be scanty." But the opposite is also true. If your boss is always looking at the good and telling you how much they appreciate your wonderful ideas or hardworking skills, doesn't that energize you to keep going. The same with our families. If they and we are getting battered down outside the home, then how much more they need to have a positive, upbuilding, encouraging environment to come home to. When our home becomes that place more positive energy will be flowing. Being imperfect we'll mess up sometimes like I do with my grown son. But I try to make myself aware of it and when I get critical, then I try and think of 2 things to look at that are good in him and build him up. He then likes to be around me and the whole relationship is positive.

Sorry to go on so much but I've notice a big difference in my home by building my family up and appreciating them everyday. I wanted to share the joy.

I will add from my experience that if it's new your getting to this point of 'laughing' at him that probably little harm has been done. It's over time that the real damage becomes hard to reverse so it's a good thing you're aware of it's effects now. I know I was very understanding of my first wife when she started being like that to me but years of it just wore away at me until I literally could not take another minute of it.

On the other hand your needs shouldn't be overlooked either. You just need to keep the issues out in the open- and your husband needs to face them openly with you. You could face the recent situation from the very practical viewpoint of the insurance issues. Your family can't afford for him to ignore his health for that reason alone. And his health should be his first priority even to himself.

He may be ignoring his health needs or it's just as likely he has his own private ideas about dealing with it that he's not letting you know about. Maybe he doesn't think you'll understand or approve of his methods so remains quiet. Keeping in mind the old saying "don't ask the question unless you're prepared to hear the answer" you could confront him about his health and the importance of it not only to him but to you and your family. That would certainly be better than leaving it to boil over into nasty comments and you do deserve to know what he's thinking about it all.

Good luck,

Andrew.

...To recognize that everyones way is slightly different.

...That another will come to their own decision in their own time...that they may see something quite differently than I.

...That well-being is mysterious, and may spring from any mindset. ...That I haven't figured it all out yet.


Also, I've recently learned that there are some things I need to tell, aloud...not to alter anyones course of action, which I don't think I can do, anyway...but to inform a significant person in my life on how I feel.

Some things cause extreme, perhaps strange, reactions/feelings in me. I don't even try to explain why, just that they do. I call them 'deal-breakers' because I read that phrase somewhere.

I knew I had to say my feelings, rational or not, aloud, instead of 'swallowing' them. (Luckily I didn't add lots of lesser complaints to it.)

It came out as, "I need you to know how I feel about this." I was even able to 'own' my own feelings...they belong to me, and do not come from anything any other person 'does'. Rather that I feel the area of concern is dangerous in some way...and I don't want any part of it...and I don't want to be 'seen' as approving.

Of course, there are times when a person must say a flat 'No', and take steps...and when it is ones responsibility to care for a child...but when it is simply a matter of strong feelings, I think it is better to clearly point out that my feelings are different.

Because I've found that keeping silent saps my enthusiasm for everything...even getting up and washing the dishes.

Once I say how I feel, simply, unemotionally, and kindly, my bad feelings subside.

Any actions in that area then become the other person's choice.

Don't know if I have explained this very well, but it helped me.

The biggest part of it was in defining what I felt badly about...and in keeping only to that one subject. A simple statement, and allowing that he would make his own choices.

I very much like the way you realize how you felt, Ren. Sometimes we don't look at our own feelings so clearly.

I remember the first time I tried out swearing, at about 15 years old. Didn't like it much, and didn't bother with it again for many years.

Clear recognition is key, I think.

My best,

Fledgling