Why am I so stupid? 
hiroki
16 y
2,002
Loneliness is when you lost the direction in life. It is the hollow part of your heart that can never be filled up with unless you have got what you need. It is what I believe. I went through this horrible break up with my ex-gf and it pretty much destroyed my life. Or maybe my life was just back to the origin. I never could make friends. My family is poor, so I never got any pocket money to go out with frds. Yet I never got any skill in communication. I'm a one dumb boring guy who doesn't even know how to talk. I have been always hated my life, feeling loneliness and depressed. It was only until I went out with my ex-gf, my life got lightened up as in the sky is finally bright. But guess wt's next? She dumbed me becox she was in love with my frd who offered me a place to live when I was homeless and away from family. She didn't go out with this guy but she went on dating one of my other frd!!! What was that part in my life? R they really my good frds or enemies? I had no idea but to go crazy, I feel like I have this mental problem that I should forgive them and move on. But then I went on crazier and crazier like I didn't know myself anymore. All this time seeing them holding hands, kissing and hugging while I was pretending to be cool with everything!! It gave me no space, air and time to breath. The most ridiculous thing was that my ex thinks that I'm such a stupid and that her bf is way smarter than me. Then I went on trying to be better. Does it make a difference? Time will never fall back and the one who got hurt is me. Only until 3 months ago that I started hooking up with this gl that I see the light in the other side of this dark dull tunnel again. I'm really stupid. This gl hooks up with other guys around me and see other guys outside as well. I couldn't endure anymore so I chosed to let go. Logically, why would it worth wasting time on her? The logical answer is not to care her anymore but I still do! Why am I so stupid? Everytime I see hooking up with and hitting on other guys, the pain in my heart can never stop and it's getting worse. My life is lonelier and lonelier. I want to sleep but my mind cannot stop giving me pain. These headache and heartache are cutting me. Life is so meaningless and I'm just blindly walking on, life a walking corpse without a soul.
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- Re: Why am I so stupid? drofinnah
16 y
2,169
This is a reply to # 1,083,298no... you're not stupid... only human...
those feelings... the heartaches... the pain... they are all human emotions/feelings... just remember... they are only feelings... all based on our animal instincts... it seems to be instinctive that we seek a mate to procreate and thus leave heirs to keep the race going... but... (and that's a big 'BUT')... we can stop that pain any time we choose... because the big thing we are seeking is 'love' and 'acceptance'... to be one with everyone and everyting... to be one with the universe... for the universe itself exists within you... 'you' are the 'universe'... sounds like a bunch of malarky doesn't it... but it's true... and you can find it quite easily... first by unlearning... stop listening to all the negative thoughts... let them float by... but do not entertain them... then start to aquire more positive thoughts... by learning to feel love... to forgive... to accept yourself and others just as they are... it all is as it is suppose to be... the point is... there is absolutely nothing wrong with you... it is merely a matter of changing the way you think about everything...
if you want to find that peaceful... that warm comfortable fuzzy feeling... then look for it... it is in you... it is not in anyone else... it is not something you will every find out there... it is in you... you are the best friend you have... and no one or no thing can change that unless you allow it... so... why not start by easing up... stop calling yourself names... think about it... aren't you really the one kicking your own can... aren't you the one creating your own pain...???
the most exciting... wonderful... terrific person you will ever meet is your
real 'Self'... your innermost 'Self'... your 'Spirit'... 'Soul'... 'Love'... call it what ever you wish but it is there... and it is only there that you will ever know the happiness and contentment that you seek... it does not take another human being to make you complete... you have everthing you need... but... it is up to you to find it... so stop playing their game... in fact... stop playing any kind of games at all... and get down to some very serious 'soul searching'... get to know who you truly are... once you make the connection... not only you... but the entire world will benefit as well... try it... what have you got to lose...!!!
and eventually you will come to understand what all the great mystics through out the ages have understood...
"it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood"...
lol..
;-)
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Re: Why do you WISH to believe you a... been there done that
16 y
1,787
This is a reply to # 1,083,298
hiroki,
You're not stupid at all, just the opposite (no exaggerration).
I was suicidally depressed for 51 years (dysfunctional family, bad childhood), but 2 years ago, I became the last living member of my family. I then learned to live for myself, I learned who and what kind of person I am (established my own identity) and learned to believe in myself. I also learned that I have the right to do things for the most important person in the world...MYSELF. The way you write, speak, and think is profound. You know the world of feelings/warmth (otherwise, you wouldn't be able to express, feel, and think what you wrote). Explore your interests in life (they are many). Do things that you have always been interested in (do things for YOU). Then you will not only start to feel more of a sense of accomplishment, you will be giving recognition to SELF, and you will realize that life is YOURS to be happy with (you don't have to live up to OTHER people's standards, you have to simply be happy/content with what you want to do).
Do things or discover whatever you have an interest in, it doesn't have to make sense or be practical in any other way than simply to PLEASE YOU. Look at the "giant's causeway" stones (they're interesting, there's no practical reason to know about them except that THEY'RE INTERESTING to YOU). Start doings that make you happy and recognize SELF.
http://www.northantrim.com/causeway_stones.htm
Check out all these websites (why???, because you might be interested in them, no other reason).
http://www.sfmuseum.org/chin/foot.html
http://www.laesieworks.com/ifo/index-all.html#lib
http://www.ordena.com/digg/sinkhole.html
Explore Curezone and find/discover many things things you are interested in.
//www.curezone.org/forums/a.asp?q=4
I suffered a broken heart continuously over and over for 51 years (that's the way it happens sometimes, I had the headaches too from all the intense stress), but you just have to discard the past, let it go, and live the present. Once you start acknowledging your interests, things will get better.
- Re: Why am I so stupid? cjadams1982
16 y
1,778
This is a reply to # 1,083,298Man that really sucks, I've been their before. I loved a girl, then we broke up. Although we somehow stayed friends. I actually gave no girl a chance at all. I went on a random sex rampage for a long time. I did the random sex, because I wanted what we had. It was just for one night, but it was something to hold me over.
I let so many ladies that were great go by. Since I thought I always wanted her.
It took my 4 years, but I finally realized I didn't want her. I wanted what we use to have. Then since we never did anything or got together personal again. She almost became a fantasy which made it worst. I also saw her messing with other guys. Once was with my best friend at the time. At my own house so I know it's hard.
But now I've gotten over it. To be honest we'd never work out. Espically after all that's happened. Like things that has happened to you. I think you just need to move on. If you think you have a problem. Work on it and get better. It sounds stupid and hard. But if it's a problem for you. It might be a problem for others. So work on it and if you get mad or think its stupid. Let the modivation of being along push you by it. Like when I was a kid I use to be real fat. Everyone always told me I was a nice guy, to good for them, or we're just friends. I lost 90 pounds in a year and a half. Started going to the gym and got into good shape. Now no lady wants to be my friend. When I'm friendly to them now, they think I'm flirting.
Life is hard and it sucks, but WHEN you get thinks straighten out. It's worth it man it can treat you good. Just don't let yourself or any other %¤#&!§- tell you different. Hope this helps man, and plus forget that chick. You wanna be with someone that's been with your friends or people you know. That sucks man trust me it sucks.
- Re: Why am I so stupid? drofinnah
16 y
2,169
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