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Time to Walk the Talk....
I'm showing the Universe that I am serious about my intentions.
Date: 6/12/2007 11:47:12 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 3340 times Tomorrow marks a milestone. After a lifetime of keeping myself well hidden, I will finally allow myself to emerge from the shadows. This is both exciting and SCARY. I know the time has come to step up to the plate. It's true that I will be operating way out of my comfort zone but I have no choice anymore. I am compelled to start to shed the layers upon layers of shame and self-consciousness that have plagued me.
For a person who has gone to great lengths to not be noticed or recognized for anything, why am I about to join Toastmasters? Because I am miserable being invisible and refusing to engage in my own life. YIKES! Do I really have the courage to speak in public? Where all eyes are on me? Where people might not approve of the way I look, speak, or they might think I am talking about a stupid subject. Can I really risk not being perfect? Can I risk screwing up and live to tell about it, maybe even laugh about it in the future? I mean, what is the worst that could happen? I could make a total fool of myself in front of the group and if I do, will I be able to forgive myself and accept myself as is? That is the question.
Anyhow, maybe joining Toastmasters seems insignificant or silly but for me, it proves that I really am committed to changing my life and how I operate within it. I am so tired of being a passive observer. I want to unleash that dynamic woman inside who has been unable to experience her life as an active participant up til now due to her overwhelming self-doubts and other insecurities. Shame is such a low frequency emotion and the shame that engulfs me doesn't even belong to me. It was inherited. Can't I just dis-inherit it if I make a conscious choice to do so? It has been said that everything in life is a personal choice so, with the strike of my keyboard, I will declare to everyone reading this (you are my Witnesses) that from this point forward, I am making a conscious choice to finally let go of this legacy of shame, shyness and self-consciousness (familiar as it may be!). I will feel the fear and do it anyway and show the Universe that I mean business when I say I am finally ready to cast off the shackles that have held me back.
It will be interesting to see where this all leads....
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