I have also been pretty bad about keeping up on this blog. I have found my days to be very busy lately and myself to be exhausted come 7pm and out cold by 10. It wasn’t long ago that I was regularly up till 1a frustrated with my inability to fall asleep and automatically waking up at 4 & then 6 the next morning unable to return to a much-desired slumber. So I think my exhaustion is a good thing because I am getting 8 hours regularly again. I just don’t seem to have the time to do all the things I want to do during my “awake” hours because I have lost 3 or 4 of those hours to sleeping. I believe it is a better trade. Especially if I could get myself more organized.

I have no clue what I made today –

I wasn’t very good I can tell you that.

I had been kind of chilly the past few days so I had been turning on my heater at night, well last night I cranked it because I was in a rush to get warm – I know it doesn’t make sense – but I did it. Well then I fell asleep & never turned it down. I woke up somewhere in the middle of the night & shut it off because it was plenty hot in my apartment. When I awoke the next morning I had the worse case of dry lips.

I know I had a veggie mix for breakfast & a tasty fruit mix for lunch which I watered down with seltzer water & LOVED LOVED LOVED the combo – I highly recommend that to any of you who want to spice up their fruit juice. For dinner I tried to make a V8ish style juice, after 2 large guzzles I just couldn’t bring myself to drink the rest. I didn’t have hardly any water to drink all day. I seriously let myself down today – it was not a good day in the fasting world of me.

Today at work they had a “Cinco De Mayo” celebration & everyone brought in tons of delicious smelling food. They made quesadillas two desks away from me. It smelled incredibly good! However I was good – I didn’t touch any of it. I just drank my juice & went back to work. As great as it all smelled, I wasn’t tempted by it – not in the “ooh I gotta have that nacho chip” kinda way but instead it made me focus more on what I was missing out on by not being able to enjoy solid foods. Tomorrow I am supposed to be joining some friends for dinner before we go to the theater. I could manage if I could eat a salad but how uncomfortable for them and me to not be able to participate in the celebration of the meal. When someone exclaims ‘oh my goodness this is great you’ve gotta try this’ I’ll just have to hold up my hand and politely thank them & take them at their word.

Maybe there is really more going on here than just desiring to eat solid food. Food for me has always been an emotional addiction. Its how I ease stress – grab a snack – how I cure boredom – grab a snack – how I wind down – grab a snack – how I entertain my taste buds – grab some fries.

Maybe this is more about me wanting to have some of those freedoms that truly entangle & enslave me. This could be a turning point in overcoming those addictions. Then again, it could be that I am taking on too much too soon and I should have worked my way up to 21 days and not tried to do it on my 1^st attempt at fasting.

Today I was overly tired and emotionally while still upbeat – just drained. I knew I needed a nap & really didn’t want anything else. The problem I was facing was that I still had 2 hours of my work shift left to go. I should also mention that for the 1^st time since starting this fast I wore makeup & I don’t know if it was the chemicals in the makeup or the timing of the fast but I could not manage to maintain focus all day, It was frustrating. I also felt a tad light headed & just not “right”.

Even more so because of how I felt today (lack of nutrition & water might have caused it) I think I took on too much too soon. I am going to sleep on it & make a decision tomorrow.

**Update – I nibbled on a ¼ of a cucumber & five mini pretzels w/ peanut butter. It wasn’t satisfying per say because I was hungry – but more enjoyable because I got to experience a new texture. I really wanted to cook up some fish & chow down on that but I resisted. If I do decide to come off this fast, its going to be a slow process free from red meat and fried fatty foods. That includes french fries.

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