Cool liver "pains"!

Liver detox? Cool! An apology for seeming disingenuous (if that's the case).

Date:   2/25/2006 8:06:11 PM   ( 18 y ) ... viewed 2141 times

Hardly pains really - insistent discomfort or cramp, once again lasting briefly, maybe a minute. That's encouraging, as my liver's in trouble and not functioning and needs detox and healing. Oh, by the way, that reminds me - I've been accused on CureZone of being evasive and disingenuous - in fact, self-pitying and putting on a show so that people say "You poor thing". Actually, I could use a little "You poor thing"ing, as it's been as non-existent on the ground as "You brave soul"ing or any other form of admiration or even quasi-affection or respect or attention - but that's irrelevant. I don't think anyone is "You poor thing"ing my weblog, nor do I see anything that would raise quite that reaction. It doesn't seem like a CureZone thing to do anyway, as everyone here is in some form of trouble or emerging from it or threatened by it, and it must seem very dark trouble to most (which isn't to say CureZoners are self-absorbed, just that there's more of a peership of hell than a condescending hierarchy, I should think). Anyway, I've been accused of coyness about what results/cures I'm fasting for. Mostly it's stuff so deep-rooted physically in the brutalizing and negligent circumstances of my disastrous "term", birth, infancy, childhood and adolescence, linked deeply to medical and surgical malpractice and parental laissez-faire (that's putting it lightly), fraternal abuse and insanity, and everyone's ignorance and incompetence, that at this point I'm ashamed to talk about it. Some of it, if it does not fact get cured, I'll never be able to write about here. Partly, it's such a loaded complex of horror that I just don't think it helpful to dwell on just now whilst I'm trying to fast and take things kind of nice and gentle, not too harsh on myself. My focus has to be on doing this, getting through, not the horror I'm trying to escape from in all of my systems from respiratory to parasympathetic and all the rest. All the rest. I am an ogre indeed, quickly being recycled back into compost and dust. I apologize greatly if my reticence or vagueness is something that keeps people from being helped when I could be helping them by being more actually explicit - it's something I'm ashamed to do just now when my reality is still being lived like this, all the more so because it has not been my fault ending up like this. Somehow compounds the shame or pain or horror. Hopefully with good results, I'll be able to be more detailed about what got cured and healed. Till then, I'll just apologize for being unhelpful.

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