Day #1 of 21
...and I'm scared to step on the scale
Date: 11/29/2005 5:02:26 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 1538 times
Today is the day that my journey to the body that I deserve begins. I am absolutely petrified of stepping on that scale. I got up this morning and kind of looked at it a bit, I even prodded it with my toe to turn it on. Once it gave me the "go ahead" signal I chickened out and got back in bed. So now I have a dilemna. I am thirsty and want to drink. But I don't want the scale to go any higher so I want to weigh myself first! I need to get my act together and conquer the beast!!! I'll update once/if I do.
Rationally I understand that I shouldn't be scared of this number because I will never weigh this much again (I am determined!). Rational thoughts don't always win out with me though. If I get on the scale and see a number over 190, and I am fairly certain that I will, I think that I might have a mental break down. At least there's no probability of a binge! Woohoo!
OK...I am off to conquer the beast...
It's now noon and I finally stepped on the scale (I was soo thirsty!). It was pretty bad, 193.8. That means that in the past month and a half I have gained 13.8 pounds. Yowsers. I have even more work ahead of me then I thought.
It's 5pm on my first day. I'm kind of disappointed that the Oxypowder didn't produce any BMs. Maybe I need to have something more in my system. Who knows.
I stopped by Whole Foods today and got Better than Bouillion veggie boullion (as recommended by Sparkle44) and some not from concentrate fresh AJ. I plan on having a little thing of soup for both lunch and dinner (7 cal per serving) and then I'll drink juice when I need more energy. I also bought some Orange Tazo tea.
I need to drink more water. Normally I drink over 100 oz but today I just don't seem to want any! That has to be a Murphy's law of some kind.
I am nervous about tomorrow because I have to travel for work and stay overnight somewhere. I will stay strong!
It's 6:30 pm. My how I've changed in an hour! I had about 100 cal worth of pretzels. I was picking up from my family leaving yesterday and found an almost empty bag of pretzels (that I had managed to avoid their whole trip) and I before I knew it I was chowing down! Fortunately there was only a smidgen left. Today is still day 1. Total with juice and all I've had about 347 cals (240 juice, 7 broth, 100 pretzels). I feel kinda bad but I can get over this.
My mantra **I'm gonna be so skinny, all the boys are gonna want me**
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