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I wanna take the pill that people take...
Date: 2/27/2006 1:50:52 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 3052 times "You're CRAZY!" He yelled, slamming the door to his vehicle. "You're a f***ing lunatic."
She reeled at the response, glaring into his eyes, exuding hate, though all she really wanted to do was throw her arms around him and proclaim her love for him.
"Just f***ing go. GET OUT OF HERE. Call your mother, tell her what you're doing, bitch. Crazy whore." With that, he whipped out his cell phone and began jabbing at the keys. He trembled with a rage she had yet to experience.
Her spirits sunk, and slowly she turned and made her way for the door. She could hear his footsteps behind her's, quickening, accompanied by the distant sound of ringing... no doubt, a line to her mother's home.
"TELL HER! TELL HER!!" Angrily, he stepped back into his car and made his exit. She stood in the empty doorway, the words exhanged only moments before continuing to echo in her mind. She slid her hand into her pocket, palming the knife and testing its point with her finger.
Though, she was always so queasy with blood. She blankly traveled through the empty house, eyes wide open but seeing nothing. Her footsteps thundered in her ears - but still it failed to drown out the voices that played in her head: "YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING SLUT!"
She stormed into the bathroom and violently tossed aside the shower curtain. Determined fingers jammed into her throat and induced vomiting, over and over, thinking, "This is what I deserve. My father didn't love me. No one loves me. Why wouldn't he play with me? Talk with me? Why am I so jealous of them right now, when my childhood was in the past?"
Bitterly, she spat out the accumulating acid in her mouth and tore open the refridgerator door. Food was swallowed, unchewed, hardly tasted, with the attempt to bury all memories and reminders. Back into the restroom she went, her eyes welling with tears, and again she threw up, over and over.. She threw up the food, the emotions, and inflicted upon herself the pain 'she deserved'. Her throat burned, her intestines throbbed, her vision faltered, but her intent and self-affliction stood unmoved. She was tired of the artificial smiles, the empty talking, such hollow words. She was tired of appeasing everyone. Of course, nobody saw it, no one even expected such a thing, from a teenager...
... and slowly, she slid to the floor, folding up into herself and soothed herself with the same lullaby she's always heard..
"You're worthless, little girl..
Nobody wants you, nobody needs you.
Shameful, little girl...
Why are you always in the way?"
~Papillon
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