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My life now How I am doing now. I have only begun my journey, with telling was only half my battle. I have done so much work to get me to this point. I have tried so many ways to deal. I just have to continue to go from day to day. Being a teenager is hard enough then to deal with everything else... I dont know how I do it have the time. The teenagers in my school have boyfriends or girlfriends. When I hear them talk about the things they do or if I see them in the hallways I want to know how they can be so calm open and not scared to do it. Sex and sexua| actions have become more casual in my school and in my age group. I get so scared. When guys say things or imply things that they want to do to me I freeze! I dont know what to do. I want to make them happy and want them to like me but I just get so uncomphortable. Its like this is what is going on and I am just off. I feel so diformed because I cant do thes actions or say some of these things. When I like a guy or develope a crush its over in weeks at maximum. My dad told me evreyday that "he was doing me a favor because no one would want me" or if I spent hours on getting ready for something he would say "No matter what clothes you wear or how much makeup you put on you will still be fat and ugly." With this being told to you everyday whenever, I like someone every morning as I get ready for school thats all I hear. After awhile I believe it and just ignore that person and just say "Im not worth him, I dont desirve him." I have such low self esteam that I cant take a compliment because I dont feel it. I spent most of my nights crying myself to sleep. The hurt, pain, the dissapointment I live with everyday is just unbearible. Today in Into to Occupation class I tried to look up the artical from my abuse or a picture of my dad. No matter what he did to me hes still my dad and I love him. Add This Entry To Your CureZone Favorites! Print this pageEmail this page  Alert Webmaster
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