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War Within the Self
important this and that
Date: 4/5/2006 1:44:39 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 4113 times Today is a day of rest for me. I've basically completed my wedding invitations. My mother and I have been at odds with eachother all last week. It was wearing me down and getting me very depressed. The stress put upon me made my first day of the moon time very stressful. I've been eating a lot and the stress made me constipated. Tried to take some epsolm salts and it did help except last night I ate out of stress. It's not a lot of food just I am not doing from a point of control. I've not been to the gym either or juicing. I'll have to juice before my vegetables spoil. I feel as if the depression has run its course and I vow to be in the gym tomorrow. I'm thinking of going back to the lemonade juice cleanse with green juices just for ten days. It'll help heal my body and take off whatever weight my binge eating caused. I don't think I gained anything really.
Anyway, I went to the New Life Expo. It was very enlightening. I was pleasantly surprised to find a messianic Jewish ministry booth there. I told him I also had the messianic Jewish bible and took his pamphlet. I went to see Judy Humphreys http://www.seventhray.co.nz and while she's one of my favorite speakers, it didn't hold the same interest it once did. I've always had an interest in 'new age' things but channeling isn't one of them. I do like the whole ka-eenya grid thing though and I'm glad I made that lecture last time she was here. I think the idea of thinking of an 'Acturian healing team of three' has more of a placebo effect on me but UNLIKE orthodox medical establishment, I believe they have value. For instance, I closed my eyes and spoke to my healing team about my stress and overeating and it went away for a while. It has as much effect as EFT tapping which is great. I think the concept of the Arcturian healing team appeals to my inner child who has always been fascinated with ET and all things that exist on a quantum level.
Otherwise, I did enjoy volunteering and got more out of that than the actual expo. I got see Sproutman speak which was GREAT. Dr.David Jubb has the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. His wife, Annie, is GORGEOUS. It made me want to go raw 100% also, except I'd take supplements and he wouldn't *LOL* They're definately doing SOMETHING right and that something is LIFEFOOD. I thought I'd want to spend a lot of money but I didn't. The expo in the fall is bigger and better in my opinion.
There is a war within myself. I've discussed this at length with my fiance. It's leaving the old self with my old bad habits of treating myself like shit, being depressed, being fat, eating junk (no McDonalds thank god!). Not taking care of my appearance. That self does not want to die. I have this new self, the authenic self that's not even new. She was ALWAYS there. Is this person I would have been had I never been abused, never teased, never born in an illegitimate situation? What if I had the 'perfect' family? What if? What if?
I'm going to continue this thought in another post. Look for part two!
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