I Sustained PCS (Post Concussion Syndrome)
PCS, Hyperinfection, Children, Mom
Date: 6/6/2015 2:39:25 AM ( 7 y ) ... viewed 1180 times
My grandma told me in 2006 that I was miserable. I never understood that comment because I had just married the man of my dreams in 2005 and I was happy, ready to start a family. We were in the same hospital room as her, her in one bed, my grandpa whom was actively dying was in another bed. My husband and I left at 11pm to go be with my grandpa during his final hours. I sang to him, "Our God is an Awsome God" and held his hand. He was and will always be a special man. He loved the man I married. My Grandpa even read a Walt Whitman poem at my wedding. I love him and my grandma.
I think my grandma could see into my future. I didn't understand her comment at the time but now it makes so much sense. She died shortly after my grandfather. I believe they were married 67yrs.
In 2007, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. In 2011, I gave birth to my handsome little guy. I hurt writing about this because these are supposed to be the best years of my life and they aren't. I was sick with parasitic infection likely in 2007, then symptoms grew significantly worse by 2011.
In 2014, on my daughter's seventh birthday, is when I tried to harm myself for accidentally infecting my kids with a parasitic hyperinfection. I injured my skull and fractured my elbow. Eight months later (now) I know what the doctor said to be true, that I sustained Post Concussion Syndrome.
PCS causes lots of undesirable symptoms. Memory loss, lower IQ, personality changes, mood swings, difficulty around noises and lights, the list is never ending. In addition, I have a hyperparasitic infection....the reason I was mad at myself in the first place.....accidentally infecting the only people I care about. It is in God's hands now. I cannot do anything more than pray for a miracle for them.
My grandmother was right. I had no clue how miserable I would become. I didn't anticipate a hyperinfection. I never anticipated getting my kids/husband sick, and I never dreamed of PCS and being bedridden in less than ten years from that comment she made. I realize trying to harm myself was idiotic and didn't do anybody any good.
My illnesses might be invisible but that doesn't make them any easier. I pray. I pray for my kids, my husband, my mother. I pray to feel God's love for me even when He is silent. I love Jesus Christ. I pray He gives my babies miracles. I pray that He holds me in the palm of His hands forever, even when I feel frightened. I love Jesus and pray He loves me too. I thank Him for the life He's given me and the mom whom I am blessed to have.
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