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Feeling like a Failure, Feeling Not Like a Failure Today
Feeling like a Failure, Feeling Not Like a Failure Today.
Date: 2/17/2014 11:53:34 AM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 1013 times
We need to learn to live alone together….unknown…
HEALING FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
New Graphic….
Tell the story….
Family History…
mental breakdowns….
unprocessed feelings…
Feeling Like a Failure, Feeling Not Like a Failure Today
Just listened to this portion of most of the talk I was welcomed to give at the Elijah Minyan Jewish Renewal Service the day after I came home from sitting Shiva for a week.
My camera was out of batteries or space. Beloved Nadine was with me and she was quick enough to pull out her Iphone and record this. Some of the message may be a bit confusion to understand, and her focus was off, but I am happy to have this memory recorded. It uplifts me a bit.
Maybe I can make a Youtube of this, and cover the images with some other photos. It is mainly for me to jog my memory a bit.
Yesterday was a difficult day.
yesterday was a difficult day. I went to the Hillcrest Farmers Market go get food for the week. I mentioned to a number of people who asked how I was, that my father had died and his funeral was the the Sunday before.
I was walking around, stumbling around. I was reflecting how deeply my father had found his community. He touched thousands of lives with the giving of compassion to the bereaved at the cemetery.
He was honored for his consistency showing up in the early morning for the first minyan. They need ten men in that tradition to say the prayers. It sounded like they would give him the keys to the shule. Shule is short for synagogue.
My father found his People. He found his community. I never found my community in an orthodox setting. Gratefully, I found some of my community in another tribe of Judaism called Jewish Renewal; but ever there I have not found my voice fully.
The things that are important to me are not important to most Jewish people. Including my pet piece, that Kosher needs to equal healthy. In most brands of Judaism it just does not.
Where Are My People? One Showed up yesterday at the Farmers' Market
There was an amazing woman who showed up yesterday at the Farmers' Market that I have been drawn to for many months. I did not know she was Jewish.
It turned out she was from an Orthodox background but gave that up because it was restricting her passion and dreams.
I want to tell more of that story and why it was so significant.
Why I feel like a failure today
When I came home on Friday, there was an amazing sight. There was a U-haul truck in the driveway. An extremely difficult housemate was moving out. I had asked him to move because many people here do not feel safe around him.
The day before I wrote him a very compassionate email. I am not sure he ever got it.
The day before I received a highly charged email where he was taking on the neighbor in the canyon for roosters and other urban farm conditions that were disturbing his peace of mind. This was a very difficult interchange and had the potential to cause stress to him and well as my ability to continue life here as we know it on our communal property.
This was a big relief to see that he was moving, and moving out peacefully!
I had wanted to to happen for years, but then, Sunday afternoon, one of my best housemates, let me know that he had not been sleeping in his room, that was a signal that he could not live in this space anymore.
I did not even have time to celebrate the relief of the other housemate moving out, and here was another situation calling my attention.
Attending the Shiva in Los Angeles Triggered and ignited all kinds of Original Pain Work
Attending the Shiva--the closest family reunion I have experienced in my life, triggered a lot of original pain work. I wanted to spend time on this. I am glad I recorded a lot of raw video to remind me what happened.
Out of this will come lots of Projects i want to do to Celebrate My Father's Life, as I know it; but coming home and needing to address another situation at the house that was going was not taking my thoughts was disheartening
I live with seven people in a space that can hardly contain that much energy and growth need.
And then my work season begins in less that three weeks.
And then my work season begins in less that three weeks.
I have the Natural Product Expo West March 5-March 10, 2014. This is followed by the Permaculture Voices Conference.
I receive sponsorship for the work I do at these events.
I have not had time to prepare for those events.
So here I am with three major growth patterns on my plate.
So here I am with three major growth patterns on my plate.
My Father's passing, life at home calling me to pay attention, and my work.
What to do?
I first response this morning was to listen for Signals.
I was directed to a couple things to do. These included
FINDING THE HOUSE ADDS TO CREATE AN INTENTION FOR A NEW HOUSEMATE
FINDING THE ORIGINAL FOR THE CAMPAIGN TO GROW A HEALTHIER PIZZA
POSTER THANK YOU
This is essential for fundraising.
Also the Original of the Enchanted Garden Membership.
SEED PACKET ORIGINAL
OR IS HERE:
3RD FEST - NAT HEIRLOOM EXPO 2
BIZ CARD OR 2014
3RD FEST - NAT HEIRLOOM EXPO 2
BAKER CREEK OUTPOST HERE
3RD FEST - NAT HEIRLOOM EXPO 2
So much good happened at the Shiva
I need to take time to harvest some of this.
Patience and Experience is an Essene Teaching.
A major experience happened. Now I need time to process it.
HOW MUCH TIME DO I HAVE TO MAKE THE SHIFT AT THE HOUSE?
Emailing Ken now for time to check in…
Need to clarify intent of open shelf for fresh herbs…
Issues that need to be handled…
COMMUNICATE NEW BEGINNING HERBS WITH EDEN
Have realistic goals for Natural Product Expo West…
GOT TO GET GARDENER SUPPORT HERE AND A PERSON TO BE IN CHARGE OF VOLUNTEERS
I do not have time to do this.
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