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Day 2
Hey,
I am on day 2 of 85-85 days to lose 115 lbs,whichever comes first.
I started at 101 kgs.
Date: 12/22/2012 7:32:23 AM ( 12 y ) ... viewed 1253 times
Well I started my water fast yesterday at 5 pm, after a Chinese meal (Indian Chinese).
Today,22nd dec,at 6:40 pm I am 100.8kgs,so in the morning I might be lighter.
I am happy I managed to start,cause that's the most difficult part for me.
I hav done a water fast before when I was around 80kgs,for 7-8 days,I don't remember exactly.
I had lost 6kgs then.
But I destroyed that by gulping down half a pizza and eating junk after that.
Also I have started smoking.i know its not good for my health and it won't be a real cleansing waterfast.but it is a distraction.before I used to obsess about not eating and end up eating cause that was what was on my mind.
Now I hav a distraction,I think of how I can sneak of to smoke.and it takes my mind off food.
I also know that saying this is giving ideas to innocent people out there,but I'm going to be very very honest.
So yeah I am on day two and happy.
I want this.i want to lose weight.
I have been trying for days to start,since the last post.and now I have..
I guess the reason I couldn't get my self to complete the first day of the fast was because subconsciously I knew that starting would mean no eating for the next 85 days.
But now I am taking it one day at a time.i will celebrate after every day.
On a different not,the guy I wrote about in the previous post is still on my mind. Not for the reasons I mentioned before.
By saying that I liked him for the fact that he inspired me is complete bull.i lied to myself n tried to make myself believe all that by repeating it to you.
So honestly,I am interested in him.very interested.
Though I am sure he isn't.since we are being honest,I'm fat! I know that I wouldn't be interested in a fat person.i mean that u know,at first sight I wouldn't be,because no matter how not shallow we think we are,we do judge people at first,maybe not consciously,but we do.
So maybe that could be it,that he looks at me as a friend,a really wierd one,but a friend.Also I don't think he wants to be in a relationship at all,or maybe he is in one.also I tend to gravitate towards hurt people,I have a tendency to comfort,not baby,but comfort.
I don't mind that,but I wish I felt attractive.
I mean to have that certainty that he is not interested in the whole you,the best you.
I hate the if's and but's.
I don't know what I want.
But this triggered the beginning of my fast.Knowing that I can't have the guy I want,and hating the fact.
I know this must sound soooo shallow but again this is the truth.
I am not gonna change my personality for anyone but I don want to feel that maybe if I was thin the outcome will be different.
So yeah that is day one. Thanks for reading.any comments or advice or recommendations would be nice.but don't be harsh or mean or nasty.thanks again.
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