Date: 9/18/2011 8:49:04 AM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 1762 times
It is Sunday night here and tomorrow I will be starting my 30 day juice fast. I am soooo ready for this. I thought I'd just describe the current state of the problems/issues I discussed in my previous post before I start.
About a week ago my skin was completely red, pimply and inflamed. It was so much worse than it has been in a very long time and is the MAIN reason for this fast. A few days last week I had a minimum of 10 new whiteheads forming on my face everyday whereas previously I would only get 1 or 2 new pimples daily. I have been swallowing a whole clove of garlic every night before bed (brave, I know) and I believe that the lumps and whiteheads on my face have decreased. 3 days ago I also started to take a zinc supplement and that has also helped calm the redness down...at least I think. It's hard to say sometimes because the skin situation can change on a daily basis, hormones and all. I also have an issue with scarring. No pits or lumps, justs red marks that remain long after the pimple is gone. This scarring is all over my face and I am hoping to decrease it over the duration of the fast.
I am NOT weighing myself anymore so I'm not going to give you any before and after figures. The reason for this is that the scale has ruled my life for at least 12 years and I put the scale away and made a firm decision that it will no longer rule my emotions at the start of every day. BUT, I will tell you what I see and feel regarding the way my body is changing and whether my skin is getting tighter or looser. Since my weight went up to 80kg, down to 55kg; up to 102kg (!!!!), down to 61kg; up to 68kg down to 61kg (lost and gained that weight at least 5 times over 1.5 years); and finally, up to 86kg and last time I weighed myself I was about 80kg. Those big jumps in weight occurred in very short amounts of time (6-12mths) and as you can imagine, was probably very taxing on my poor skin. The last time I got down to 61kg, I had a really mushy stomach and when I stretched out my arms, I had bat wings. Nothing severe, but enough to depress me. I am hoping that as I juice fast my skin will regenerate itself from within and hopefully tighten up. Do you have any experience with this or any prevention tips/ideas to help me with my biggest fear regarding weight loss??
Binge eating/eating disorder:
My emotions are very ready for this juice fast, but I know the temptations and my addiction to food will hit me hard tomorrow. I know this because it is my pattern. I hope to completely eradicate my food addiction through 'starving' it and not giving in to it. I feel really messy and blank emotionally (yep, all at the same time) at the moment so I think I will write more on that tomorrow.
See, years ago I thought that I had depression because I felt suicidal and could not enjoy anything that I used to. It was an incredibly tough time and impaired some of the best times and experiences I have had so far. Now, I personally believe that it was faulty thinking and that I was focusing on what I didn't have, couldn't do, wasn't, didn't like, etc. rather than all of the positives in my life. I am a perfectionist and it is hard for me to enjoy things unless I feel they are 'perfect'. Well, not perfect, maybe just as good as I can possibly have it. Soooo, I hope to shift how I see life. Take time to enjoy the simple things. Slow down and live in the moment, rather than for tomorrow.
I want to be closer to God but everything on the inside of me just feels so messy that I feel I can't experience Him like I used to. I hope to spend more time in the Word of God and take steps towards the call I know He has for my life.
Soooooooooooooooo, I'm putting a lot of pressure on this fast to accomplish a lot of things but I believe that it is something I need to do to change my life, and inspire others in the process. Again, I hope you can join me on the journey!
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