Day 7: Cleansing Crisis
Acne same, more emotional cleansing
Date: 4/13/2008 9:34:46 AM ( 13 y ) ... viewed 1254 times
Last night I had a cleansing crisis - pains everywhere, could not sleep, my head ached so bad. It had an emotional component too.
A little more about that. Since me and my ex broke up we've had a hard time staying away from each other. We were fine (it seemed) until a little business trip and some emotional infidelity broke us apart in the most dramatic way. We both did things to hurt each other then fought about who had done the most heinous thing. Nobody would budge. After some time in prayer I finally forgave him as per God's instructions. If you forgive then your sins will be forgiven you (by God that is). So I forgave him and forgot his misdeeds. Told him I was wlling to work on repairing us and he basically said 'no thanks". He was the initial offender. I reacted, albeit inappropiately, I decided to forgive him, forgive myself and he says I hurt him so much he can't get over it. But still he wants to talk everynight, come over an wouldn't mind being physical. To get myself to move on and to distance him I told him I don't love him anymore. Is a lie I know it, but I told it to myself and it gave me strength. I knew it hurt him deeply but I didn't care. It mad me feel a whole lot better, stronger.
Last night during my crisis, the lie confronted me. My first love died tragically and when he was gone all I had left were he words he had spoken. I mulled them over and over. I didn't want to leave someone I love with unkind words so I let him know it was a lie.
No I'm not trying to get back with him. I'm not sure we were ever good for each other. I just didn't want to live or die with a lie, especially one that hurts another. And you never know when it will be your turn so its best the fix the ills while they can be fixed.
Did my second enema today. This time I got nasty black, old looking stuff and mucus. My acne is still the same.
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