Blog: Finding my way to myself...
by b2reflect

Oops, I ch..chose again!

So, where do I go from here?


Date:   2/9/2008 12:08:10 AM   ( 14 y ) ... viewed 1649 times

Day 8 was relatively easy when I was home. Although, I did do the finger or two of peanut butter. Also, I made some veggies so I could consume the broth, ate a few of those. Yet, these were not bad for me...LOL! Wow, talk about justifying!

At any rate, someone at work gave me a candy bar. I told her, I could not eat that. She said she was certain I had one. I said maybe on Thursday, the day before I began the fast. Then, I remembered reading where someone who didn't eat a certain kind of food was given it and she said graciously thank you. She did not eat it yet did not tell the person. In my case, I told her I would give it to my son.

Well, kids, this is where I chose. I put it in my bag and didn't think about it. After while though, I started feeling blah, so I started thinking of the candy bar. I attempted to talk myself away. Then I realized it would not work. So, I said be gracious and enjoy it! I did :D.

When I came home, left work early, I had some veggies and some of Son's tortilla chips.

I am going to do a SWF tomorrow...if I even need one, my stomach is not sure what I did to it?!...and stay on orange juice. On Sunday, I am going to do a water fast for as long as I am able. After which, if it is not March 1st yet, I will do a MC to 'finish' it up.

I realize I have been vacillating on this. I just need to stick to it. I desire to do this and yet I have been 'beating myself up'. When I did the water last weekend, the 'hunger' began to dissapate but I gave into the craving and chose a 'little (it was not much but too much for a water fast)' sugar. Since I have been succeeding, yet with a sneak of a finger full here and there...mostly after work.

When I drank the veggie broth, it ended up creating an intense 'hunger' sign. I guess I activated my stomach?

So, it is time to step up to the plate and commit 100%. I thought I was, yet it is obvious that is not so. On Sunday, for 10-14 *or more* days, I will be water fasting. I will use the foot detox pads (EDIT: and the Humaworm), other than that, nothing else. Water and hopefully, I will be able to administer the enemas .

When I am unable to continue, I will utilize the MC and then the orange juice fast to end up with. My date of possible end is March 1st. I am still desiring to make it through 40 days but will be gracious to myself and take it on a day to day basis, after March 1st.

LOL OH and I still have to go to dinner tomorrow! I will be strong!

So, today, I asked God to "give me a sign, any sign, something to feel good about today". What I received was from a co-worker. He has not seen me since I have gone to afternoons, for any length of time. Today, he stopped and we talked for a few minutes. His wife is pregnant and I asked how she was. He told me about that and then he asked how long I was on afternoons? I said for a while...I love it. He mentioned my makeup but that is the same as I always wear even on days...a little mascara, eyebrow shadow and a little cover up, under my eyes. Then, he said "You are shining!" That was my number one! (I loved that compliment...shining!). Then, I asked again (forgot I asked the first time...LOL), then said oh, oops...well You can show me another one, if You would like. So, after a while, I ran into another co-worker from days, after we talked and he was leaving work, he said "You are losing weight!". I said, yes, thank you. That was number two!

Then I came on here, when I got home from work (left early today) and read the LOA forum. Maya had posted a message with a 'rampage of appreciation'. Her words that were about me just brightened my evening! (Too bad, I had already eaten the chips, I may not have had them!LOL) So, I received three signs today to feel good about! So very awesome! As Abraham says 'tapped in, tuned in, and turned on! Yep, I am ;D.

Okay, so a couple things, this week's total weight release was 11 1/4 pounds. I weighed in at 175 3/4 pounds, this afternoon. My face, today, looks thinner. I am seeing my cheek bones again! As well as the area around my bra, that I mentioned yesterday.

The foot detox pads are still brown and seem to relieve my feet, at least initially during the day. They are getting less and less now...my feet and soreness, that is.

I think that is all for now. Wish me luck and those of you that have the ability, please, please, please (:D) send me Energy to resist tomorrow's birthday dinner. Thank you in advance!

Love, Light and Peace,
Beth

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