Day 9 and 10 by #92185 Blog entry

Blog: Master Cleanse Journal
by #92185

Day 9 and 10

finishing thoughts

Date: 1/31/2008 12:10:15 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 3604 times

Really nothing to speak of in Day 9. My white tongue was almost totally gone, YAY! God that was weird and gross.

Aaaaaand here I am, day 10. Part of me doesn't want to be done. lol. Maybe it's like rehab..you know? Everything is safe and structured in rehab, but it's when you re-enter the real world that the troubles set in. Ah...no matter.

I feel like this cleanse has reset some habits in my gray matter...not only that but I feel inexplicably confident (not gonna argue). I won't say that it's been 'easy' exactly, but I wouldn't say it's been excruciatingly difficult either.

I think the most important thing, the thing that will guarantee you a measure of self-defined success is to go into this with 'right thinking'. It's not a diet. You are not martyring yourself by going without food for 10 days, meaning, stop feeling sorry for yourself. If go into this for the right reasons, I don't think that really comes up, to be honest.
For me, the emotional, psychic part was much more difficult than the physicality of hunger pangs or whathaveyou. But again, I think that is because that is where I chose to put my focus. Wherever you go, there you are, and thoughts are things, they are the cause of any effect. Once you truly understand that, I think that personal challenges like this fast become a whole different experience; you no longer fight yourself, you are working with yourself for a self-defined goal.

The SWF: do it or don't. If it makes you sick or uncomfortable don't do it. Just drink the tea.

Try not to be so damn dogmatic: Everyone is different. Everyone's body is going to deal with this differently. I know, I know that's heresy in the hardcore, sometimes fanatical, MC community, but so what? If you can't find organic lemons, use normal ones. If you don't like lemons, try limes. If your work or kidlet schedule just doesn't allow for fresh juicing a bahzillion lemons/limes 20 times a day, go to the health food store and find some not from concentrate, organic, no preservative pre-bottled juice (Nellie and Joe's Key West Lime Juice is a good one). It's really going to be ok. I promise. If you need to make a giant jug ahead of time, go for it and fill up two water bottles to bring to work with you (just add the Cayenne as you go, otherwise it may be WAY too hot for some, it gets hotter the longer it sits).

Find what works for you, but DON'T...do NOT eat! I see so many people with blogs around here saying things like "I had a half a sandwich" "I had a small salad" "I had two pieces of fruit" and then claim to still be fasting. You're NOT! Eating is not fasting, simple as that. You can do this. If you are truly in the right mental place, and you are doing it for the right reasons, I bet dollars to donuts, you even find it surprisingly easy.

If you are someone who likes to cook, keep doing it! Seriously! If you have a family, cook for them (if you already don't have to). If you're a single, invite someone over and try out a new, fabulously healthy recipe on them (plus if you mess up THEY have to eat it not you ;) It was one of the things I missed most, and I realized that I wanted to cook and combine and smell and create, more than I actually wanted to eat any of it. Try it.

Don't give up at the first sign of difficulty. If we all did that, where the hell would any of us be? Challenges and obstacles make us stronger, that may be cliche but it's true. Accept that there are going to be moments when you are hungry, cranky, trying to talk yourself out of staying on the fast, trying to justify why having some toast is ok, but don't listen to it! The human brain is a miraculous and sneaky thing.

I was definitely a skeptic going into this, but no more. My mental outlook has changed. My sleeping is better. I feel lighter and more vital. More confident. I feel like not only did I spring clean my bod, but my mind, and that feels absolutely amazing. My whole attitude to food and eating has completely changed. I see, now, what is emotion, feeling and what is true hunger. I can separate thought and biological hunger. I can understand the difference between

'snacky!snackysnackysnacky!" and
'bodymachine needs fed. No garbage! Junk makes bodymachine sick!'

They actually sound different now, in my mind.

Not only that, but to be hungry does not seem to be the terrible emergency it was before. I would rather be hungry and take the time to feed myself properly, than jam it full of junk, just so I'm not hungry. I know that being hungry, in the end, doesn't kill me.

One of the most important things I learned on this hyar fast: Feeling empty and being hungry are not the same thing. No sir, they are not. I'm sure we all could say, yeah yeah, I KNOW that *eye roll*. I said that too. But I needed to feel each individually, in unison, to be able to differentiate them. Emptiness is a mental, emotional state. Hunger is a physical, biochemical one. They are totally, one hundred percent, different.

I think that this is the single most important distinction that anyone who has disordered eating can make. And believe me when I say, it must be made by yourself alone. People can tell you all this (including me) till the cows come home but until you make the seperation yourself, understand what each one feels like in YOUR OWN body, it will always be a diaphanous, almost imaginary doctrine to you. You will feel like you should understand it, it makes rational sense, and you will likely feel guilty that you can't, possibly making the situation worse.

The reason you cannot understand it, no matter WHO tells you, Oprah, your doctor, your naturopath, is because it is inherently NOT a rational experience. It is emotional. You're rational brain cannot and WILL NOT figure this out for you. You must let your psychic body come to understand this.
Everyone's body feels different, experiences feelings differently and so consequently discerns the subtleties between them differently. Everyone's inner life is so vastly unique that you must experience, firsthand, the differences between 'empty and hungry' so you can learn to say

"AHA! Im hungry" or
"AHA! That is loneliness, not hunger"

Please believe me when I say that. I have no credentials and no degrees, only experience. If you have eating issues (NOT I wanna lose a quick 20 pounds, or this is a handy way to starve myself, or I'm gonna eat 20 burgers after this is done) if you really, honestly, in your very heart of hearts, want to retool your relationship with food, your body, and your subconscious and feel you're up for the challenge of dealing with icky emotions that may come up, try this, if only once. With confidence, courage, determination and right thinking.

I highly recommend this to anyone. Just to try. Especially if you pooh-pooh it. Just like I did. Try it first. Then pooh pooh away.

Ciao
(for now)

kiki