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siiiiiiiiiiiick... 18 y
Porque?? MARIA??
I feel soooooo SIIIIICK..
I want to stick my finger down my throat...
omg, I ate tooooo much..
[But it was yummy 3]
and my theme song is - dee da dee, and that is whyyyy... visit the page Path to healing? 18 y
It's not as bad as it sounds...
This morning my boyfriend, Nono, helped me out of bed. I couldn’t stand up. I kept sliding down, clutching his hand in desperation.
My stomach and intestines are so swollen and puffy, I can’t even sit correctly.
I wondered if I should really read more Dream Last Night 18 y
If love was red, then she was Colorblind
I heard a voice that continually repeated,
”What is best? What is best for you?”
Messages from a conversation with a wise soul flashed ahead of me. I heard murmuring, lessons being instructed in hushed tones, with the overlapping,
”What is best for you?? For everyone?”
All the while, my boyfriend looked behind him, concerned. Worried.. about a result, the ending decision, or something unknown that would catch up to him. He was running without any place to go, there was no change of scenery, but he ran as though fear would be his fleeting chance of escape.
And I tossed and tu ... read more Cat's Eyes Are Windows 18 y
emotionally drained.. I'm a bit sad
Okay, here goes my post -
I feel like such a failure. Because of my illness, the pain and my intense fear of people makes it a challenge for me to interact with people - including Nono and his children. My work here consists of helping in the care and growth of his children, as well as the support of Nono.
But I’m awful at this. What a vicious cycle.
Nono says children are coming over --- My fear rises, which either creates or adds to intestinal discomfort --- My anger at my inability to properly care for children and Nono and my inability to cure myself causes me to grow angry at ... read more Two sides to the Coin 18 y
A thank you and a reprimand for myself.
Stupid, stupid girl.
Stupid, ignorant girl.
By the way ... Thank you everyone. Thank you Kerminator, thank you Dazzle, thank you Jackdaw, thank you to everyone who reads and writes in my blog. You are all so sweet, and I am incredibly thankful to all of you.
I love you all, I truly do. visit the page Lovely 18 y
Papillon
Mon Jolie
J’espère chaque souhait que vous jamais avez souhaité pour
sur chaque passé soir
Réalise
Soir d’hui
Au demain, l’amour. Se sentir meilleur bientôt mon papillon visit the page A Conversation with Self 18 y
Just think for awhile
*Silence*
”Who are you?”
’What? What do you mean, who am I? I am me. I am You.’
A scornful laugh echoed through the stillness. ”No, you’re not. Don’t be ignorant.”
’That hurts... I’m telling you the truth.’
”Liar.”
She sighed deeply, a slight trembling made present. ’I’m trying..’
”Who are you?”
’I am me. I am Papillon.’
The voice boomed back menacingly, ”NO! That is only a pet name, an adopted epithet from a sympathetic ex. Where are You? What have You done with You?”
’I am right here - ’
”That, you are not. You have fallen so distressingly into an ocean of perplexity ... read more She's taking her time, making up the reasons... 18 y
.. to justify all the hurt inside -
”Have you seen her lately?”
”Yes...”
”What say you on her condition..?”
”I haven’t the words..”
Can I blame it on Candida? Can I blame it on whatever illness I have? The depression, the lack of self-esteem. Am I in my right mind?
I am meaning to help myself. Everytime I stick my finger down my throat, I’m meaning to help myself - I’m putting the food in to calm my tattered emotions, and I’m taking the food out to give my body a rest from the hard work of digestion. I don’t enjoy it - I always want to scream while I’m doing it, to cry, ’Why, oh why do I hurt myself?’ I pray for h ... read more Happy New Year Everyone! 19 y
Everyone drive safe and be careful!
Is it really true? Did you save yourself... 19 y
for someone who could love you for you? So many times we just give it away to someone who couldn't even remember your name.
I choose to be Raw.
I choose to be unafraid.
I choose to fast.
I choose to heal.
I choose wisdom.
I choose to be with my Spirit.
I choose to be a very Powerful Being.
I choose to align myself with God.
In the past, I craved cooked foods.
In the past, I chose to hurt myself.
In the past, I mistakingly fell under the impression that I wanted to die.
I choose to be with my Divie Partner.
I choose Uropathy.
I choose to be Strong.
I choose to make correct decisions that will benefit me, and those around me who need to be affected.
I choose to have In ... read more Here's your Holiday 19 y
I hope you enjoy it this time.
I’ve been noticing my name being mentioned a lot lately. I have mixed feelings about it. I understand that some people wish to address some issues to release some inner feelings and emotions they may be experiencing, which is encouraged. I have no problem with that. At the same time, it’s a shock and it hurts. Though I’m in Texas, though I hardly speak to anyone, still arguments are started with my name and past as the topic. Questions are asked, accusations are made, yet I have little or no active part in the conversation. Am I supposed to defend myself? It looks like the mere mention of ... read more The Younger Generation 19 y
We see what's going on, listen to us too..
Yo, Father forgive, we all trying to survive where we live
I’d rather feed the homeless,
take time to talk to the kids
Show ’em life ain’t no walk on the bridge
Damn as hard as it is, when I be dreaming I be talkin to B.I.G
In my hood it ain’t no yellow brick road, we hear the shots echo
Sneakers hangin’ from a telephone pole
In my ghetto ain’t no rainbow with pots of gold
but there was love from the family when times got cold
I’ve seen and analyzed the world from my project roof
And seen the hope in the eyes of a troubled youth
A good kid, I kept this burner in this mother goos ... read more The SAD diet... 19 y
is very painful
My Higher Self said, ’He’s right, you know.’
’About the pasta?’
’Yes.’
’I just went through the trouble of making it.’
’It’s alright, just throw it out.’
’No, I’ll just eat it.’
’But it’ll..’ read more I just ordered a water distiller 19 y
"Ouch." My intestines hurt.
Diarrhea.. ripping stomach pain.. I can’t even sit for 5 minutes without having to use the restroom.
I haven’t felt pain like this in.. I can’t remember.
”I don’t like complaining about how my stomach hurts. I wish I could just kill myself so I could stop.” read more Maybe if I drop it again 19 y
It makes me sad that my ex is afraid to see me.
1 pill, 2 pills, red pills, blue pills...
... and green ones and tan ones and brown ones...
And bee pollen and hemp seed and MSM and hot Indium...
Himalayan salt and agave nectar and lemon juice...
and I don’t feel so good.
I am very happy in Texas. This house seems very peaceful to me. The animals interact well with all that come to this home. The plants seem like they’re okay. I feel that they hold a bit of negative energy, like they’re hoarding it to protect us, to shield everyone.
Foxtrot, Uniform, Charlie, Kilo...
I don’t know where I’m going with this post.
I fe ... read more Goodbye California 19 y
Forevermore...
Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test
and don’t ask why.
It’s not a question
but a lesson learned in time.
It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.
For what it’s worth,
it was worth all the while.
It’s something unpredictable
but in the end it’s right.
I hope y ... read more Yardim Et 19 y
Is there hope for this world?
Kimler günahsız ki onlar saklasın
Yalandan kim ölmüş zamandan kim korkmuş
Dünya yalan söylüyor
Özür bekler gibi kızgın sokaklar
Teksas tan gelen küstah tokatlar
Zalimin durduğu yerdeyim şimdi
Bu bir karnaval nerdeyim şimdi
Kimler yalansız ki onlar ağlasın
Kimler günahsız ki onlar saklasın
Yalandan kim ölmüş zamandan kim korkmuş
Elinde güller varmış üstün başın kan olmuş
Hiç bir şey söyleme duymam anlamam
Hayat bir mucize düşer zaman zaman
Tarihin durduğ ... read more |