- Day 16 by peanut74
18 y
3,415 12 Messages Shown
Blog: Master Cleanse for Mind and Body
I have nothing big to report on day 16. I fielded some positive questions from my coworkers about the MC. Perhaps one of them will be willing to do it with me next time. That would be nice. I'm glad they are feeling less concerned about it being harmful for me. It takes some pressure off.
Had to come home from work on time today (thank you pressure wash guys for not coming until my husband had to leave for work - really) so I spent a lovely lazy evening with my daughters. For some reason the popcorn they ate during a movie especially drove me crazy but I managed through. I'm getting a bit bored with lemonade. Good thing I'm more than halfway through!
Before bed I juiced my lemons/limes for tomorrow (as is my nightly routine). My older daughter came out and I made her some lemonade (the normal kind). My little sister joined us and we had such a lovely time doing nothing. They are more interesting each day. It's funny how much I feared the preteen and teen years (they're 12 and 13) but so far they are the same lovable girls they always have been with a few more tears and an occasional eye roll.
I've been pretty down for the past few days and for that I apologize. I haven't been as positive as I should be. Although I haven't gone back to my depression meds (don't think I will either) I did restart my thyroid pills today (stopped taking them a few days into the fast). I know it may be counterproductive as far as cleansing but without it my depression is worse plus I've been very cold and my hair is falling out again.
I feel good about my decision and have some hope that I will find a way out of the depths of darkness I've fallen into. As long as I'm not suicidal or hurting myself I'm not going to do anything further about it. I had hoped fasting would give me some focus and a way to deal with it but it has only given me more time to think about how messed up I am. In the end I can't ignore it and think my issues will just go away.
I so wish I could be inspiring, kind, caring, wise and ever positive like Zoebess and Seunim. Is there any hope for me at all? I just don't know. Well, I'm sure that was WAY more than you wanted to know but I feel better just spilling it (anonymously of coarse). I promise my next post will be more peppy.
Truly,
Peanut
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peanut74
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- Re: Inspiring by seunim
18 y
1,456
Hi Peanut,
I don't know about others out there, but you have been an inspiration for me, as has Zoe. I never could have done what I have done so far without you two. Chin up, tomorrows a new day.
Peace and happiness...truely
Seunim
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seunim
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- Re: Inspiring by Finding_Myself
18 y
1,381
Hi there Peanut
I agree with Seunim too, you have been very inspiring to me too. I come here daily now for the past week & have been reading your posts & the others too & well I wanted you to know that yes you are an inspiration.
It's hard, dealing with life etc, but just remember, try to take things day to day & don't let things get you too bummed. Tomorrow is another day!
I have battled depression too & haven't wanted to take meds for it or anything - its tough & its no fun. One thing I found very helpful, especially on days where I seemed really blah & down & couldn't really perk up, well I kept a journal & not necessarily wrote in it every day, but I would always write 5 things that I loved or really liked about life that day...whether it be snowflakes that fell on my nose, smelling something freshly baked, watching my kids play together nicely, hearing a bird or watching a butterfly. It could be anything & could be the smallest thing that we never ever think about. Just the small things you know? hmmm I forgot all about that until now, I should start doing that again too lol.
Anyways, I too wish you tons of peace & happiness as well. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you & remember, you are an inspiration :)
Hope you have a happy day! :)
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Finding_Myself
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- Re: Inspiring by peanut74
18 y
1,350
Thank you for the "5 things" suggestions. I will make a point to add that to my daily routine.
Thanks again,
Peanut
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peanut74
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- Hey it's ok! by redheadedcurls1978
18 y
1,540
| Hey, everyone has bad days! I felt very emotional on the MC. Just stick with it, ok? Being honest with yourself is way more admirable than pretending nothing is wrong, plus it will help with the healing process...a must for battling depression as far as I am concerned. How are you sleeping?????
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redheadedcurls1978
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- Dear Peanut by Zoebess
18 y
3,189
Dear Peanut,
YOU ARE kind and inspiring and as wise as the best of us who are also searching for answers to ways to improve our lives on all levels. Certainly there are days when I am not positive too and if you read my blog entries for the days like you are going through, if you read between the lines, you will find that those were my low days and I finally had to just admit that my body was healing itself and the energy I would have preferred to have just was not coming. When I finally relinquished those goals and allowed my body to rest, it was so healing and de-stressing. I did much better this cleanse than my first long one which was more like what you are going through, with lots of chilling and emotional stuff. I know from my own experience that hairfall can really be distressing so just know, what Somer told me, it will grow back. Your whole body is detoxing and now that I know about your heavy metal history, I can also venture that it may also have been a factor in my own hair problem. They test the hair for heavy metal you know...
The emotional stuff will come up and as with the other detox debris...better out than in. Your depression may especially be helped with the cleanse and especially the post-fast liver flushing. I do not do well with pharmeceuticals but did use St. John's Wort which has been used for forever in Europe to treat depression. I only had to use it for about 3 months and then my personality returned and I no longer needed it but I can sure recommend it since it took a few weeks to build up in my body but sure made a huge difference in my level of overwhelm....
http://www.herbalhealer.com/stress.html
Your daughters sound wonderful and especially supportive. I have a daughter and was only able to have one child so perhaps that contributed to my finding joy in her company. I kept waiting for the terrible twos or anything but she never did act out or turn on me or her Dad. My divorce was a low point in our relationship but even that, under a full moon, one year, holding her in my arms, we healed in a shower of tears and mutual surges of love for each other. I totally wish that kind of relationship with your girls for you. If you expect the best, often our children will work hard to give it to us. Enjoy them...ggg....
Your day 17 sounds much better too and all your hard work is going to pay off, has been paying off and except for your notes from the road, you will not even remember the lows as much as the highs and counting the blessings on your fingers and toes!
I can recommend shifting back and forth in the day between drinking your morning SWF and the lax tea. It helped me shift to another level for some reason? It turns the spigot some on the detox flow too which is not necessarily a bad thing. You will continue to detox even when you break and most of us keep doing other cleanses along the way so its not like you arent getting a good payback for your time and energy since already you are riding high on the cayenne in a way even I did not enjoy since Detour did not decide to amp up his levels and share how that went until I was deep into my own cleanse. The amount in the book is adequate too so its all good anyway...you have done a fabulous job also in researching and sharing with others. All this signifies success in a major way and you are winning daily...even the lows are winning days if you do not allow it to make you feel like quitting!
I wish you the best on your journey and certainly the next visit to your colon hydrotherapists, they too will sing your accolades!
Keep up the good work!
blessings,
Zoe
-_-
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Zoebess
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- Re: Dear Peanut by peanut74
18 y
1,417
Zoe,
I hope you truly realize how much you touch the lives of all of us who are blessed enough to read your words. You are so understanding, caring, and patient. Thank you.
As far as you current comments, I've been taking Kava Kava and St. John's Wort since just before I started my cleanse. I don't know if it's helping or not. I've struggled with clinical depression for as long as I can remember (at least since preteens). I was able to keep it at bay through cognitive therapy tactics until a few years ago.
Then I started using traditional meds (it took about 6 tries to find one that worked). I was on the same med for over two years and felt great (didn't stop taking it when I MCed). Then suddenly six months ago I started getting migraines every day that were coming from the meds (took a while to figure that out).
Off the meds I quickly spiraled out of control (suicidal and hurting myself). My doctor (wonderful woman - very open to alternative ideas) had me try four new meds all of which had horrible side effects and didn't work anyway. She then sent me to a counselor who actually told me my depression stems from me creating drama because I'm bored with my life. That day I decided I was done with the meds (and the counseling) and started the St. Johns Wort.
I decided to do the MC (hadn't done one since last Oct anyway so I was due) to get all that junk out of my system. I wish I could believe that my depression will someday go away. Instead I just hope to get it into control. Since my dad is schizophrenic, I feel luck that this is all I struggle with. It could be a lot worse. I'm lucky to feel empowered enough to find a coping device that is suited to me. Some struggle to find any hope at all.
My daughters are definitely a reason to stay positive. In the couple of days they've been home from their dad's I can see a difference in my attitude. They have touched my life in a way I never thought possible. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but with my girls it is different. I strive to be the best I can be around them so they learn to be good to others and themselves.
Friday they are leaving for another two weeks and my hubbies working night shift for the next six months. This will continue to be a test that I'm determined to pass. Since work has been so busy (we are taking over the accounting aspects of a sister company and our fiscal year end is late July) I will throw myself into it to pass time. Of course, I will hang out here too.
Thanks for reading this whole long message,
Peanut
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peanut74
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- Re: Dear Peanut by Zoebess
18 y
1,567
Dear Peanut,
Thank you for your kind words. I am humbled that you and others would take to heart what I write and share but I suppose it is part of my intention that I be able to share so much of the information I was looking for when I first came to the Curezone seeking ways to improve my life. I live in a house of healers and one of the reasons I stay is that we are supportive to each other, even if it means looking into the mirrors others hold for us and having to deal with issues we would rather not. And so it goes...I have grown compassion and treat others the way I have been treated...ggg....
Many years ago, I was being treated for cataplexy and went through what you are describing, trying out the different drugs, which I do not understand why, but were also used for depression treatment. Suppressing something neurological. Each one had its own problem and ultimately I found myself frozen in a chair, unable to speak because I could not move my facial muscles and I told my then-husband, call the doctor, who naturally realized I was having a severe reaction. That was a defining moment when I decided to fire my allopathic doctor since I did not like feeling like a guinea pig and I wanted to be in touch with my reactions and discover my triggers and deal with them on my own. I have been successful in that endeavor and would venture to guess that over time you too could discover what triggers your depression and work to ameliorate the effects of those triggers. There are herbal options as well as food options. Even timing and number one, working to relax ourselves. Remember how important it was to help our children to unwind? I had to learn to treat myself that way!
I think doing this cleanse will be major in getting you back to a level of functioning where you can figure out what is "normal" for you. I know all that experimentation with drugs really did not help my liver function and as I read and researched and discovered the effects, I began to fight for my right to not be poisoned. I assured my doctor that cataplexy would not kill me, but according to the PDR I used frequently, many of the chemicals in their pretty shapes and colors she was prescribing for me would do less to enhance the quality of my life than nothing, and damage my liver in the process! Of course, in the spectrum of aversion to alternative medicine, she even felt chiropractors were quacks so I did myself a huge favor in severing our relationship. Of course, the ball fell in my court and so thus, you find me still on my healing path and following others as well, being followed by friends and family who I have been able to convincingly assure, there is a better way.
Have I encouraged you to liver flush a hundred times yet...ggg. Getting the residue of those pharmecuticals out of your organs and muscles will be of monumental help. Also, this is another reason, during the Master Cleanse, you are feeling the ups and downs of those releases. It will pass, and you will never pass this way again. Keep falling forward, progress or decay, as a sign in our store used to boast...
The St. John's Wort takes a while to reach an optimal level in your body but in the times I have used it, twice, it was a true blessing and I did not have any problems withdrawing from it either. The stuff I use with the flower essences was/is a fine product, and I have even given some to my daughter when she was struggling to deal with my decision to go a different path than her father.
One major difference between allopathic medicating and herbal treatment is that the herbal treatment does take more time but is generally more supportive of the body and less harmful in its side effects. So, see your healing as a journey or a path and do not lose faith in yourself or your choices. I used to have a sign up on my wall since I am a huge believer in the power of affirmations, which read, "Expect a Miracle". I knew I was making choices not popular with my doctor or my family and especially with my cancer treatment, I needed to do it my way so if anything did go wrong, I could live with it knowing I had done the best I could for myself. Another sign I have used, (I actually have the original collage I made of this in the 60's...ggg) and it reads, "Make Yourself Comfortable". This is inspiring on many levels since it can be taken more than a few ways. It reminds me that I need to own my choices and that, while sometimes it is nice to be paddled around in a canoe, sometimes you need to paddle your own! There is an old Indian adage, however, which goes further and admonishes, "Call on God, but steer away from the rocks!".
Progress may be slow, but if you keep your eye or mind's eye, and heart, on your goal, you can literally manifest your health. Marijah McCain, my naturopath, really brought home to me that people buy into choices others make for them and if they decide to believe the doctor that tells them to go home and die, they will. If they decide to believe the doctor who says, nope, we are going to jumpstart your living again, they do. My friend, who I did my cancer protocol with, (how special was that to have someone to do that with!) he had cancer metastacized throughout his body and none of us thought he would make it but deep within, he found the energy and belief that he could turn it around and by golly he did! He just got married this year and is cancer free. Why? Mostly because he wanted it and also because he and I did what you are doing, cleaning out the *temple* which we house our spirit in, and then bringing back into our lives, that which would serve us and life and the rest, however noisy, or distressing, we let run off our backs like water on a duck!
Work with your body and before you know it, it will be convinced you are its best friend and your relationship will grow and your body will give you signals of its needs and you will be able to fullfill those needs whether it be a fast, or a hug, or a huge steaming bowl of soup! Once you begin looking for ways to, for example, treat your migraines, you will sensitize your body to react positively to the treatment and certainly, your father and his disorder could well be the product of his times and environment and so it is not a given that you are predisposed to anything more than your own exposure to your LIFE. My mother was bi-polar in a time when they did not even have a name for it. I did not even allow myself to think for a moment that I would be like her. This is the path of manifesting my own life and my own *luck* and joy and love and friends and most of all, health!
So, I wish you the most of luck in your journey to discover the new you and the you who is turning her focus to embracing the love of her children and the support of life and friends. I have never met you in person, but certainly, you have my support and prayer and best wishes because we do have this part of our journey together in common. Kind of like the people you chat with and laugh over something while you stand in line at the post office, or gggg, the airport! So, look for light and hope in your life. Smile at yourself in the mirror when you pass by and tell yourself something good like, you're doing great, or even, I love you! Before you know it, your mind will change in little ways which turn to bigger ways and happiness will creep in where you thought it could not grow! Funny, in this moment, I am reflecting how, after spending 20-some years with my husband, I never thought I could love another man again, and yet, I find men like a flower garden and have fallen in love with more than a few and enjoy the idea that out there, more flowers wait for my admiration and appreciation....hee hee....
Likewise, you will find there will be days when the valleys seem so daunting and your pace is like Sisyphus who rolled his rock up a hill each day, only by night, to have it roll back down again. It can be a challenge, but also a joy, to find peace in the process of rocking and rolling, or going with the flow as we like to say. A friend told me once, after a life crisis, you are still in the same business, you just have to find a way which works for you. He was speaking of life but I did understand. So I would offer to you, that when a negative thought arises, gently push it away and tell yourself, no, I am waiting for the positive thought to come to my side. Life does not guarantee that there will be no bumps or brambles on your journey, but it does guarantee to provide for you and support you and offer you peace, if you look for it! Lord knows, you and I both can count off the people we know whose mantra is "I cant". We can also count the people who say, "I can". Be one of those...ggg
Most of all, enjoy yourself and your life. Somewhere I read where God will ask you two questions when you cross over...did you enjoy my world, and did you live well.
I have discovered living well is not defined by my body or what I have. It is defined by my mind. If I do not mind, it doesnt matter and if I do mind, it does matter! Likewise, reach out for your potential like a brass ring on a carousel, if you can remember such things which did exisit, gggg, and hold on for dear life. You will find what you are looking for since I know, and I am sure I am not alone, in thinking, YOU will find the health you are so diligently seeking.
Gotta run, do the company dance...ggg...have a great day!
Many blessings and peace,
Zoe
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Zoebess
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- Dear ZOE! by rawgirl
18 y
1,897
Zoe, dear, that was a beautiful post that blessed all of us fortunate enough to have read it. Thank you for your loving, generous heart. It is people like you who will help restore this planet to Heaven-on-Earth.
Your ministry (or perhaps part of your mission) could surely be your inspirational writing, if you were so inclined. Have you considered using this gift to write a book or two or three or six? Or inspirational articles? I bet they'd rock.
Love to all of us,
RawGirl
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rawgirl
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- Re: Dear ZOE! by Zoebess
18 y
1,347
Thank you for your appreciation. I am a spiritual person and healer so do have that on my front burner so-to-speak. As other doors open, I work to find the courage to walk through them...ggg.
Your comment reminded me I do have a few ideas I should dust off and work on. Thanks for rekindling that fire...ggg
Blessings,
Zoe
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Zoebess
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