Zoe,

I hope you truly realize how much you touch the lives of all of us who are blessed enough to read your words. You are so understanding, caring, and patient. Thank you.

As far as you current comments, I've been taking Kava Kava and St. John's Wort since just before I started my cleanse. I don't know if it's helping or not. I've struggled with clinical depression for as long as I can remember (at least since preteens). I was able to keep it at bay through cognitive therapy tactics until a few years ago.

Then I started using traditional meds (it took about 6 tries to find one that worked). I was on the same med for over two years and felt great (didn't stop taking it when I MCed). Then suddenly six months ago I started getting migraines every day that were coming from the meds (took a while to figure that out).

Off the meds I quickly spiraled out of control (suicidal and hurting myself). My doctor (wonderful woman - very open to alternative ideas) had me try four new meds all of which had horrible side effects and didn't work anyway. She then sent me to a counselor who actually told me my depression stems from me creating drama because I'm bored with my life. That day I decided I was done with the meds (and the counseling) and started the St. Johns Wort.

I decided to do the MC (hadn't done one since last Oct anyway so I was due) to get all that junk out of my system. I wish I could believe that my depression will someday go away. Instead I just hope to get it into control. Since my dad is schizophrenic, I feel luck that this is all I struggle with. It could be a lot worse. I'm lucky to feel empowered enough to find a coping device that is suited to me. Some struggle to find any hope at all.

My daughters are definitely a reason to stay positive. In the couple of days they've been home from their dad's I can see a difference in my attitude. They have touched my life in a way I never thought possible. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but with my girls it is different. I strive to be the best I can be around them so they learn to be good to others and themselves.

Friday they are leaving for another two weeks and my hubbies working night shift for the next six months. This will continue to be a test that I'm determined to pass. Since work has been so busy (we are taking over the accounting aspects of a sister company and our fiscal year end is late July) I will throw myself into it to pass time. Of course, I will hang out here too.

Thanks for reading this whole long message,
Peanut