Another day of ups and downs
Date: 7/11/2006 12:40:01 AM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 3024 times
I have nothing big to report on day 16. I fielded some positive questions from my coworkers about the MC. Perhaps one of them will be willing to do it with me next time. That would be nice. I'm glad they are feeling less concerned about it being harmful for me. It takes some pressure off.
Had to come home from work on time today (thank you pressure wash guys for not coming until my husband had to leave for work - really) so I spent a lovely lazy evening with my daughters. For some reason the popcorn they ate during a movie especially drove me crazy but I managed through. I'm getting a bit bored with lemonade. Good thing I'm more than halfway through!
Before bed I juiced my lemons/limes for tomorrow (as is my nightly routine). My older daughter came out and I made her some lemonade (the normal kind). My little sister joined us and we had such a lovely time doing nothing. They are more interesting each day. It's funny how much I feared the preteen and teen years (they're 12 and 13) but so far they are the same lovable girls they always have been with a few more tears and an occasional eye roll.
I've been pretty down for the past few days and for that I apologize. I haven't been as positive as I should be. Although I haven't gone back to my depression meds (don't think I will either) I did restart my thyroid pills today (stopped taking them a few days into the fast). I know it may be counterproductive as far as cleansing but without it my depression is worse plus I've been very cold and my hair is falling out again.
I feel good about my decision and have some hope that I will find a way out of the depths of darkness I've fallen into. As long as I'm not suicidal or hurting myself I'm not going to do anything further about it. I had hoped fasting would give me some focus and a way to deal with it but it has only given me more time to think about how messed up I am. In the end I can't ignore it and think my issues will just go away.
I so wish I could be inspiring, kind, caring, wise and ever positive like Zoebess and Seunim. Is there any hope for me at all? I just don't know. Well, I'm sure that was WAY more than you wanted to know but I feel better just spilling it (anonymously of coarse). I promise my next post will be more peppy.
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