- And One by JeSuisButterfly
18 y
3,829 16 Messages Shown
Blog: Balance
Yeah so, I'm jealous he has a family. How childish of me to desire attention so much. Don Miguel Ruiz teaches that we learn to struggle for attention at such great lengths because those that name themselves to be authorities - teachers, parents, older brothers and sisters, members of the church, ect. - demand our sole attention and obedience when we are children. The Reward and Punishment system fosters that .. whether we are being punished or rewarded, we're still receiving attention, which grows to be insatiable as we progress in life.
This morning I learned his former wife is quitting her job, which means my roommate will have to go to her house nearly every night to watch the children. She has said a few things about me which have hurt me, but I shouldn't take anything personally, even compliments.
Because of my psychotic/neurotic/whateveryoucallit jealousy.. envy, insert_word_here, and the fact I'm too empathetic and I care about peoples' well-being too much, I've decided to take further actions in my life. Nono and I sleep in seperate beds, and we've been doing so for awhile. Now I don't desire anymore hugging, touching, 'I love you's.. no idle chatting, no conversations unless it's about business or something useful to learn.
I want to throw myself into work so I can move where I desire to. I want to be basically invisible in this household. Or, as don Juan puts it, 'Unavailable'. I choose not to interact with people in this family anymore. -Just.Work-
I desire to be as a Hunter and touch upon everything lightly. Even other people.. making myself scarce.
Maybe I'm just doing this because I'm bitter that I feel as if I have no family? Maybe I'm jealous because my childhood wasn't idealistic? I don't know, I honestly don't. I've asked Soul dozens of times why I am so irritable and angry and the thought of children and family, and I think I keep missing the answer. Maybe my choices above are also infantile, but it feels the best at the moment [even though the negativity from these choices are rather strong. :/]
The biggest wasp I've ever seen is fluttering right by me on the window, trying to get out through the glass...
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JeSuisButterfly
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- Interesting by Lapis
18 y
3,116
"The biggest wasp I've ever seen is fluttering right by me on the window, trying to get out through the glass..."
Interesting.
Could this be your soul communicating?
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Lapis
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- social conditioning by #42412
18 y
2,107
Do you actually want children and a family ever? Maybe not, maybe you think you do or think you should because we women are so pressed by society to settle down, marry and start procreating.
In my case I found I wanted a child but not the husband and I feel I'm pretty happy that way. I have a nice boyfriend but in no hurry to marry. I lacked the closeness of family in my life and my soul cried for a baby, so I had one. No need for the man.
Whatever the case may be, listen close to your heart and what it really wants. Maybe a man and no children? Maybe to be alone? Just because that isn't what society wants of us doesn't mean it's wrong.
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- Re: social conditioning by JeSuisButterfly
18 y
2,760
Congrats on your little one! Boy or girl?
Also, fantastic that you discovered what [and who :)] you wanted in your life. 10 more points for acting on it!!
Thank you for your response. I do wish to be alone. I've always wanted to be alone, but I also crave the presence of people. I think a good balance would be to live by myself, but visit social situations outside of the home.
How old is your babe now?
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JeSuisButterfly
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- Re: social conditioning by andib
18 y
1,851
Girl - Teran Quinn, she's going to be 8 next month. I didn't mean to be condescending or anything in my previous comment. I get tired of being asked when I will settle down, when I will get married. Why do we have to? We (women) are so much more capable in this life on our own. I have found in my experience, most men are like taking on another child. LOL
I fully support our RIGHT TO CHOOSE
Best of luck
Andi
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andib
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- Rephrase, Reframe and Reset by sweetlife
18 y
2,087
"I've asked Soul dozens of times why I am so irritable and angry and the thought of children and family, and I think I keep missing the answer. Maybe my choices above are also infantile, but it feels the best at the moment [even though the negativity from these choices are rather strong. :/]
Have you ever considered that maybe you're asking Soul the wrong questions.
The Soul is under no obligations to answer questions of the ego.
Rephrase your question in such a way that the answer you get is not in words, but in feelings, like a gut feel. In a sense, that's what's already happening... You can literally feel the negativity that you're experiencing from your choices... right where it hurts the most.
Reframe your mindset with a positive expectation and attitude. This will make all the difference in the world in how you experience life, no matter the situation and outcome.
And take all advice with a grain of salt... Pink Hawaiian salt or Himalayan.
Give yourself your own approval, and seek no one else's. You are worth so much more than to supplicate to the ego of others, even the ones you admire.
Remember, you are loved, you are Love.
Reset, and Go.
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sweetlife
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- You must start thinking of your future... by kerminator
18 y
1,882
The past is just that... Past!!
You must start to think of your future... Let the past go; that was to be your next assignment; to take the list of things you wrote and just throw them out... Remove them from your life... Forgive and move on...
Now for the first step in your writing career; I have an outline that I have had for some weeks... This is a story line, with a plot ; that needs to developed and written... I need an email from you to send it to you... Please look it over then decide... If you feel that you can do this asignment... This could be a new and rewarding step for you...
I would say let the family thing alone for now; GOD will prompt you when it is right... You need to get your self free of any obligations...
We can find help for you here; if you feel that you need it...
Await your email... Kermit
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kerminator
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- Sounds LIke... by YourEnchantedGardener
18 y
1,573
5:52 PM
June 20, 06
Sounds like
in spite of all the things you don't like
about you
there are folks who would like
nothing more than to have you stop by
for a visit.
I guess it sounds like you are dangling
from a rope and we either are so bored
or whatever in our own drama
or lack of it
that we want to offer a lifeline.
in any case, I was thinking of you today,
so if you happen to be walking by
the neighborhood...you know what to do..
your eg
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YourEnchantedGardener
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CureZone