Re: Cerasela

Dear Janaki,
You don't know what good you did to me today...
This is a long story, so hang on.
I read your other messages you posted for other people. All of a sudden I made sense of something that is haunting me for a long and painful time.
My Mom died a few years ago. I am an immigrant and I could not go to her funeral. I was a single Mom and I just couldn't. My Mom had one of those lives that you can compare with living hell on Earth. For the last few years of her life, it was even worse than hell. She was very sick and she died looking like a concentration camp prisonier. She was starved to death. The infinite love that we had for her could not help her much... Anyway, the few days before her body was put in the grave, I opted to be alone in my house(I sent my Daughter to stay with her Father), grieving the way I knew how...crying, praying, screaming at times, laughing...I was a mad woman. The very day her body was put to rest, at a certain time, I just collapsed onto my bed and I passed out. For some reason, I was very peaceful that day. This is not a tale of a deranged woman. I passed out and I started giving birth... I was in somebodyelse's body for a few minutes, it seemed that the baby was about to come out and it did. I felt the pain of childbirth, I felt the joy, I felt the relief and I felt the shame. I think that the woman that was giving birth was an unwed Mother and it is always a stigma for ignorant people, I don't care what anybody says. All of a sudden I realized that the child was beautiful and she was a black girl(the hair on my body still stays up when I remember those feelings). And I realized that my Mother chose to be born again right a way, into that 'love child' with black skin. I must say that I am Romanian, white. I woke up from my temporary 'coma' like state and I could remeber absolutely everything!!! It did not make sense to me untill today. You, with your gentle soul, triggered something in me today(when I read your kind message to me and other kind and gentle messages to other people here). You made sense of that episode.
This year I was pregnant and I lost the baby late in pregnancy. It was a disaster that almost cost me my life...but Thank God, I am still here. For some reason, I knew it was wrong to be pregnant, I have been obsessing over wanting to adopt, even before I got pregnant. Now I know, I should look for a baby with dark skin, born that day when I had that wonderful 'dream'. That was not a coincidence, that was God, telling me that I still have a chance to get to know my Mother and love her in THIS life. Because of her sickness I don't really know her, she is a mistery to me.
Thank you for your kind words, it is a very good day for me. God sends us hints and people to help us make sense of them. You have been my angel today. Thank you.
I don't know how much sense my story makes to other people, but this is what happened to me in all honesty. Now I know what I have to do.
Love, Elena. Tweet