Re: meaningful and astounding event

That makes it even more an opportunity to
speak up for yourself and find a new comfort
level. Perhaps your mother's friends and
relatives were not demonstrative and this is
a learned behavior. I know when I married, no
one in that family hugged or kissed each other.
That did not deter me from asking for hugs
and kisses though. It did make some of the
family members uncomfortable since they felt
I had raised some bar of expectations they
were not prepared to deal with. However, I
was more concerned with my comfort level and
fulfilling my desire to hug those I loved.

It did not take long that my in-laws would
reach out for hugs or come and kiss me goodbye.
It was healing and in the face of what they had
grown up where people were not encouraged to
show public displays of affection, they had
learned they LIKED being kissed and hugged.
By the time the grandchildren were born, the
whole family was a family of huggers and were
able to nurture the young ones in a loving
way.

My husband's family rarely celebrated birthdays
either but of course I sure did. Year after
year we celebrated. We began a tradition of
gifting my mother-in-law with a bottle of
fine wine which we would open and toast the
occasion. We proved it is never to late to
begin a tradition since Nana was thrilled to
be remembered and included and also this made
her more aware of using birthdays as an occasion
to spend time together and share and CREATE
new memories.

One time, early on in my marriage, my husband
forgot my birthday. I was hoping he wouldn't but
it did not deter me...ggg. He arrived home and
was not carrying a cake or anything and so I said,
hey, I need to go to the store. He was rather
grumpy about leaving just as he had come home
and wanted to know what we could possibly need
so badly it could not wait until the next day.
Today is my birthday and I want to buy myself a
cake, I said. Well, you can imagine, he was
quick to help me out the door and picked a cake
for me and flowers. He NEVER ever forgot my birthday
again, and even now, we have been divorced for
years and still he sends a gift and a card on my
birthday.

The lesson~~celebrate yourself if need be and
when friends or Mom asks, what have you been doing,
you can say, I celebrated my birthday. I am 27~!

Its still not too late to invite Mom to help you
celebrate...gggg...I hope you can give her a big
chance to feel the thrill of pleasing you by
being a part of your birthday celebration be it
only a cup of coffee and a cupcake, or a fancy
lunch somewhere.

Best wishes,
Zoe

-_-


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