Million Little Pieces Epiphany - "THE FURY" missed by Oprah by Karlin Blog entry

Blog: Path of my Life
by Karlin

Million Little Pieces Epiphany - "THE FURY" missed by Oprah

James Frey's book "A Million Little Pieces" - Epiphany on page 320 deserves more discussion and exposure

Date: 2/25/2006 4:47:18 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 3822 times

The epiphany that the author had, as described in his book,has become the focus of my personal introspection lately, since reading the book A Million Little Pieces.

On page 230, he gets to the point he has been working towards, in trying to beat his addiction to various drugs and destructive lifestyle/mindset. His therapy session with a councellor, a trained psychiatrist, has brought up a crucial realisation. This realisation is not being discussed , not by Oprah, not by the author in all his interviews, and not by the mass media of course.
{or, maybe they ARE all discussing it, but MEDIA won't let it get out?]

The realisation that James Frey has is quite simple:
- when he see or thinks about his parents, he has a wild mood change.

He calls this state "The Fury", and he goes to drugs "to kill it all they way". {note - "Killing it all the way" was the apex of Johnny Cash's song titled "Hurt", about JC's own addiction. It speaks to the common aspect of many addictions, where there is a mental or physical "pain" that fuels the addiction].

If he didn't experience The Fury, he would not be so destructive.

This is important. More than important, this realisation it is the KEY to James' breaking his addiction.

The "Epiphany" was reached with the help of his councellor, who noticed that James' medical records showed a chronic ear infection throughout his infancy. His parents tried everything they could to calm him and comfort him, but they went to a doctor who missed the ear problem and they didn't know what was wrong with James that made him cry so much.

This untreated infection, a very painful one, made the infant James' relation with his parents, esp. the mother, become very strained, full of deep conflicts. This is an area of human mental health that is relatively unexplored.

When James heard of this ear infection for the first time in those sessions, he then realised that there was "some[thing] inside himself that pushes him to these destructive habits". He has a mental health disorder, and that part is not his fault, only the way he reacted to it is what he made [bad] choices. Now, he could take it apart and put it back together, it made sense now.

"The Epiphany" was perhaps just knowing that he wasn't just evil, that there was a rational explanation for "The Fury". This would allow him to address it in real ways, not just with drugs. It gives a starting point to further conversations with his parents, so they could talk about the love/hate that developed during those ear infection years.

Imagine going from thinking that: "I am just an evil little f*ck who is going to take all these drugs and get f*cked up again and again" , to having an Epiphany that allowed him to say: "I am messed up because there was so much pain when I was an infant, and that caused deep problems in my relation with my Mother all thru my childhood and now adulthood. I never got grounded and started flying instead because there was just so much momory of pain and agony and being unbable to communicate to my Mother what I needed.

Of the inner feelings that we sometimes need to express, to relate to another person at some point in our lives, there are some that really deserve to be spoken out loud. Here is one that, if it is true for any of us but we can't say it cuz we don't know it, we would sure feel better once we were able to say it, eh?
EG:
"As the most important thing to me as an infant, my Mother, she really messed me up when I could not tell her that my ears were so painfull. I depended on her for everything, and yet she didn't move an inch to help me with this huge pain."

It doesn't resolve anything to say it, it doesn't take away the pain or the memory of it, but it will help James, or any of us, to make it clear to ourselves that this issue is real and it isn't a conspiracy against you or a sign that your mother doesn't love you. It just feels like it. And the difference could be a terrible addiction and destructive lifestyle.

In conclusion, ear infections and mothering issues led to a terrible mental state for James. Some may pass it off as an excuse, but the book used it [or his realising it] as the main part of his recovery from his destructive lifestyle and addiction to drugs.

It was main reason he got addicted, and that is my main point too - how was that part "MISSED" by oprah, etc.??? Lots of people could be helped by discussing this. I want to start discussing it too, if I can find someone who wants to discuss it.

You see, I have the same feeling -"The Fury"- when I see my Parent. I never knew it really, it just seemed like 'normal routine' to me of course, until I read the book. Then I saw it - I completely tighten up when I see or think of my parent[one remaining of the original pair].

Its just not something I ever looked for, possibly because I know that 'seeing my parent' is inevitable, there is no option of refusing to see them [or so I felt], so I just accept whatever I am feeling when I do see them.

I certainly never considered it as The Fury rising inside me. Who would? you?

Karlin
PS - I would love to discuss this more.... no blog, no forum, nobody so far that I have found is discussing this part of the book