psychic trauma of a routine gyno exam

this and that

Date:   3/30/2006 11:02:30 PM   ( 18 y ) ... viewed 14182 times

I wince when I say 'routine' because I HOPE that shoving a big metal instrument up a vagina isn't routine. It was quite painful and I bled like I was losing my virginity all over again. I didn't realise why I was feeling so funny even though I was happy I finally got my pap smear. Tonight as I was cleaning my kitchen, I started eating these rice crackers with mayonnaise. It wasn't a full on binge BUT it was clear I was consuming more food than usual because I was covering something. Well that something was this exam bringing up all the trauma surrounding meeting R*y. Here I thought that being sexually abused was going to be the paramount issue of my life but NO. It's some schmuck liar who hoodwinked me good.

I'm about to go to sleep. This is very late for me and I love my melatonin. Why? I know I'll get a good night sleep even though it's late.

I must visit the mermaid pool oracle of my inner mind. It's my own personal meditation space. Today I prayed to God that I be strong for whatever news I'll get. This whole papsmear business is a nonissue to me now. I'm more concerned with my emotional well being. I already know that no matter what my fiance still loves me and I can heal myself.

I'm volunteering at the New Life Expo this weekend. It's an awesome gathering.
http://www.newlifeexpo.com

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