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C.N.S pain and Opiate medicine
Opiate drugs help dampen the nerve-oriented pains of fibro
Date: 9/25/2008 7:52:46 PM ( 16 y ) ... viewed 2331 times
Hoping, coping, and doping:
The real problem is not the addiction...
the light came on tonight, now that I am out of morphine and I know that the end might be here for me...
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When I had hope, even just a long shot, that something might change with my pains, I was very carefull to stay within strict limits of morphine, never taking more than I knew I could afford to and still pay my bills. I had something to lose, even if it was a slim chance it was still something.
I had that kind of hope when I was getting my bad teeth out because I was thinking that the mercury or just the "neuralgia" pains of the dental nerve were what was triggering the widespread bodily pains. About that same time I was doing some therapy ideas like trying combinations of herbs, or body cleansing and getting rid of toxins by eating a pure diet, and even relaxation meditations. Just doing things like that made me feel involved in searching for a cure, and that really helped keep me going too.
That was in about 2003, to 2005. Before that, I was moving around quite a bit, trying different scenery, and moving to Nelson where there were many opportunites for something different to happen because there were different doctors and more alternative therapies and so on - I didn't even know if I would get morphine here or not.
After I got my dentures, there was still the problem of those awful fumes I was breathing all day by living above the laundromat. I never want to smell a 'scented dryer sheet' again, much less ammonia and bleach and so on. At least it was something I could blame, and there was some science to back it up about chemical disruption of the nervous system and so on. Then I moved over here to Creekside where I am now, and all those things that might have been causing me nervous system problems were gone, and all the hope of improvements were gone.
But, I had started to learn about the nervous system, and I started to figure out why there was no way to cure me of my chronic pains. That is when I became more hopeless, and started using enough morphine to actually kill the pains all the way instead of just enough to let me catch my breath, which was all that it was doing for me by that time at the normal doses. [stay with me here, I know this sounds like I am just being defensive about using morphine, but stay with me anyhow]
The thing about pain is that it is only ever happens in the brain, not at the site of injury. That is a bit hard to understand at first, but it is true. Once I realised that the problem that was at the root of my chronic pains was actually a brain damage type of problem, I knew we were miles away from a cure, or even from a complete understanding. Heck, there was no way I could even get my own doctor to read the ideas, much less talk about it or find ways to treat my problem. Very hopeless. On top of that, I was hearing some reminders that many or most people still think that "fibromyalgia pains are not real pain". If I believed that, I would be so ashamed... and if it were my dad that was goofing off for no good reason, I would be disgusted at him so that might be how Mark and Grant thought of me, especially since Gail was a firm believer that "fibro pains are not real".
With no hope of getting rid of the pains, and all that emotional pain, there was not much to stop me from wanting to die, but still I didn't even use more morphine that it took to kill the pains, never using a "suddenly larger amount" just for fun. I was curious, but I didn't find out what it was like to take a double dose, not even once. Not even a "one-and-a-half-dose". Just the same dose every time, with slight increases as the effect became less over time.
But what I found out was that the central nervous system was "out of whack" and the pains I was feeling were all about the way the brain protects the body by causing pains to happen, and also protecting the body by making the muscles go into cramps, just like it is supposed to do when we really over-do things, but for me it was happening prematurely. The official terms are "gating and gaurding" - where nerve signals are sent too easily [gating], and the body protects too hastily [gaurding]. Go ahead - Google it, you just might get one of the articles I wrote and posted online [mostly under synonyms].
So, being a brain problem, there is no way to fix it, but just as importantly was what I found out about how opiate drugs - like morphine - work in their special way with the Central Nervous System [CNS]. Get this - NO OTHER DRUG WORKS QUITE LIKE THAT. So, I found out that morphine, or better yet heroin, was the perfect drug for my condition. And that inspired me to never want to give it up... how idiotic would that be... since I wanted to die anyways, even before starting morphine, due to these pains. Opiate drugs deaden the impulses that get sent along the CNS pathways - from the body to the brain, and in the brain, and from the brain to the body. No other drug works quite like that... there are "mimics", and "analogues" of opiates, but in the end only opiates work like that... and also, if it isn't addictive, it isn't working like that. And addiction is only a problem if there is a restricted access to the supply of them, but there need not be since it is a plant that grows easily in many areas of the world. The medicine is cheap to produce.
Ok, this is nearly over, keep reading - what really blew my mind is that the medicial profession was denying both the nature of these chronic pains, and that opiates work in such an ideal way considering the nature of the pains. I cannot convince you, right now, that this is true because it sound so conspiratorial. The medical profession, conspiracy, ya ya ya Kev... go away Kev. And that was the final straw - the truth was not only hard to accept, it was being denied by the authorities.
And there is one more layer to this: The cheap, easily produced opiate medicine is being restricted because they want us to be using their pharmacuetical drugs. Which is also a bit unbelievable, another conspiracy idea. But the fact remains that this drug is being restricted from patients who benefit from it, and are not harmed by it as far as toxicity, and where they all know that tolerance is going to happen but they refuse to prescribe it in increasing amounts.
And so, due to all that, I am angry now, not just hopeless. And as for dying, it is a matter of me being "willing" to live if I have morphine.
referance:
Dr. Pelligrino, the Medline and Mayo clinic and other bioscience information on the internet was really interesting to me now that I had a goal of hatching a new explanation of my pains. I read many books too, one called "The Brain That Changes Itself". Last summer, in 2007, I was the one who coined the term "Sensory Processing Pain Disorder"... at least, I wrote it down first, before I saw anyone else use it. I wrote to the author of that "brain book" and he said it was a viable idea. I saw a very similar title of an article written by the Mayo Clinic people in the spring of 2008. I am not saying they saw my idea and used it, it was surely a coincidence, but I felt inspired because it was a good idea. I wanted to carry on finding out more about how the body and pain works.
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