10 weeks post fast by ausjulie Blog entry

Blog: journal of my 30 day juice fast
by ausjulie

10 weeks post fast

long post lots to say!

Date: 4/19/2006 11:08:43 AM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 3335 times

i didnt post last week - but good news is i am 4 pounds lighter than two weeks ago. i have now lost a total of 45 pounds and i must say i am quite pleased with myself. only 15 more to go to goal weight but i am constantly rethinking the whole goal weight thing?????still not sure where i stand with that.

numbers have been running thru my head a lot lately. what number do i weight how tall am i what is my BMI number. what size clothing am i. i wonder what size that person is what size was i 10 years ago!!!!! on and on.... i am startign to think the whole thing is just bulls#@*%t. i saw an advert in a magazine and it had this overempasised butt in a size ten jeans and then next to it a butt in a size 4 jeans looking small (these where cartoon characters) the add was for some weight loss diet pill. pretty much saying if yuo took this pill you could go from a huge size 10 to a size 4. now please who in their right mind thinks a size 10 is huge! and how many people are actually physically meant to be a size 4...why do they torment women so much to think that they have to be so tiny and small and why cant they encourage women to find their own size. (yeah i know the answer im just being idealist).i beieve we all have our own size that we are meant to be and i think you need to judge this size on certain things. this is what i am trying to do now. i dotn know if 140 is my goal anymore i dotn know if that is what weight i will be when i feel like i have got to my size. i am going to judge it on if i feel helathy and light and can exercise and run around and not feel tired and heavy. on if i feel sexy. if i am happy when i look in the mirror not if anyone else is happy, if i can wear the clothes i want to and im not talking belly button showing tops and skin tight mini skirts (althogu for some people this may be what they want which is also fine!). its just hard to work this out when we have been taught women need to look like this. but i have to find this out for myself and i have being tryign to get to this point for some time now. i am still not to the point where i can let go of the scales they have been one of my main points of reference throught this journey. but i know to take it to the next level i have to live without the numbers and just be me be happy and be healthy. i think that if i cna just get below 150 (oh boy numbers again) i can let it go! so that is my next goal get to 150 and then no more scales.....mmmm that seems hard but i have to do it!

so how do i get to my goal......i am noticing that my exercise routine is becoming harder to commit too. i am still running 4 days a week and step aerobic once however i have to really convince myself to run and i am trying to find every excuse under the sun not to do it. this is danger time for me. i have been at my new routine for 3 months now and in the past this is when i have strayed. i also think what is left of my weight to lose really needs to be toned. especially my tummy (still not a good look) runnign doenst do that. it has definatley toned my legs and to some degree my upper body but i need to do more weights and situps which i was doing at home but got so bored with. so i have looked into joining a gym...the thought of it is not so great. one thing i love about running is being outside but here in houston it is really startign to show signs of summer yucky humid hot. and it is not fun to run in it i am a ball of sweat dripping. see what i mean any excuse. the other danger thing is becasue i am getting closer to where my body is meant to be i am kind of like well i dotn really need to exercise this much. but i will keep going becasue althogut it is really hard to start i feel so great when i finish. and i do want exercise to be part of my life forever for more reasons than just weight loss. i know it is good for the soul for my happiness and my overall wellbeing. adn the real reason i want tonign is not just to look good but i really want to be physically stong.

the good news is that i am confident the food thing is life long...there is just no way i am going back to eating crap and too much of it. i have proven this to myself in many situations where i have been tested adn had no desire to eat badly or to overeat. i went camping on the easter w'end, lots of bread and chips and cheese and dips (my old loves) also lots of cooked food like bacon and eggs and meat. i spent some considerable time before the trip making salads and shopping and preparign food that i knew i could eat. i did have some grilled marinated tofu and grilled fish but i was happy with that. the salads i made where so yummy and the rest of the time i just ate fruit and raw nuts to nibble if needed. many times too i have been out for dinner and just chosen salads and lightly grilled fish. and i still eat small proportions and if i am not hungry i just dont eat. or if i eat too much one day the next i will skip a meal. i use to think that was such a bad thing to do but my body just doesnt need as much food as it use to so im not goign to eat it just because it is a meal time. another thing i am notciing my body tells me is if i eat too many cooked foods (liek on a w'end) generally on monday i just drink water. it is telling me to cleanse. if i am hungry i will eat but mostly it just wants water. some days i get to the end of the day and think wow i didnt eat...wasnt hungry didnt need it. this is extremely weird for me. i still have cravings adn since the fast they have been things like: grilled veggies, grilled fish, grilled tofu, mongolian beef, sushi, chinese green veggies, seafood, steak. not so bad really nothing like fries or hamburgers etc. i have pretty much eaten one cravign a week and this seems to work for me.

an interestign thing happened when i had sushi two e'ends ago. i had the nori rolls with rice and advocado etc. the next day i was craving pasta and bread like you would not believe and i know it wasnt just a mental craving. my body was really saying eat pasta. i couldnt bleive that such a small amoutn of a cooked white starch carbo could trigger such a strong reaction and craving. i have bein reading dpr's raw odessey blog a lot...you should really read it is so great. she has also coem to the conclusion that if you dont eat the foods that you crave the craving goes away. it is like an addiction but a physical one..throw in emotional eatign and no wonder so many of us have a problem with starchy carbs and sugars. now this to many may seem so simple and i knew this before juice fasting but until i cut them all out of my diet i didnt realise to the extent of what you eat then determines what yuo want to eat next.

i really belive the juice fast was the foundation for me learnign how to say no to food. the whole way thru i was cookin meals for my family adn at the start it was so hard i really struggeld with it. but after i got over the cravings i just learnt to not eat it. if i went back to eating those foods i think i would have problems not eatign them all the time or eatign too much of them. that is why raw food and juicing is so good. it makes you want to eat better food.

my next real challenge is going to be this summer. i am going home to australia for 2 months. the food in australia is amazing, a lot of it is really healthy but also the cooked food is well fantabulous. and there are some foods i just want to eat because i cnat get them over here and they remind me of home. but if i stick to my one craving a week (which should cover the things i want) i will be fine. i am also going to purchase a juicer as soon as i get off the plane. and thank goodness my sister is a fitness freak so she will get me moving every day. the alcohol is going to be a problem but i will just have to continuously monitor. im not too worried but hoidays are always dangerous for me. i just have to be strong and in control!

gosh i have written a mini novel! ha! i am so greatful to curezone and its memebers. i am constantly reading about others journeys and i love seeing the cycle of life this website has. you have new fasters who start up who are encouraged by others who have fasted or are fasting. then the new fasters becoem the encourages! its fabulous it is the whole pay it forward concept and i am so glad i am part of it. happiness and sunshine to everyone!