Day I

Getting back to what is important

Date:   1/21/2008 12:10:08 PM   ( 16 y ) ... viewed 3844 times

I feel like I am at the point where a fast is my only option right now. I have done a number of 5 day fasts thru out the last year but never made it past day 5. Well that is going to change this fast. I have to prove to myself I can do this again. My main aim is to get back the control I had over my life. I sit here today feelign very down. I am not in a good place emotionally at the moment and need to get back the feelings I had of power, control and peace. Food has become an issue with me lately i am eating far too much also far too much alcohol consumption...hence the feelings i am having. I want that feeling of acheivement i had with a long fasts. I want my body to completely detox and of course i want to lose weight. but my main objective is to do this to prove to myself i can. i am nervous i am scared but i feel like i have backed myself into a corner and this is the only way out. i want to be sitting here writing about day 14 and how great i feel. i want to power on to day 21 and then see where i am at as to how long i will fast. i have to make this happen. i also need to get back on track with my exercise. The last month i have only run once a week and that is just not ok with me. I want to run at least 4 times a week starting out at 3 miles and icreasing this to 5. I need to purchase a treadmill to really make this happen. No more excuses.
I am not planning on cosuming a lot of juice quite frankly i am sick of it and really dont like it. I will mostly use the MC lemonade with juice as needed. i will try to increase the veggie juice after i have gotten thru the first week. i also plan on using a veggie broth to get me thru.
I know i sound very negative at the moment and this is directly related to consumption of far too many bad things for me. I have slowly gone back to a really bad life style and just need to fix this now before i go any further down that path.
I am guessing my weight is around 145pds but more than that i feel enormous and sluggish and just really unfit and unhealthy. I am going to try not to get obsessed about the pounds when it is really a transformaiton of myself that i am after in so many more ways than just my weight. But to be honest i want to get back to the low 130's. Which doesent sound like much to lose but again it is more about the direction i am heading in at the moment that i need to change.
I am feeling really uncertain about so many things and when i was looking after myself i felt so confident and happy and at peace. I remember things just didnt effect me, i was sought of emotionally detached from anything that wasnt important to me. Now i am having feelings of jealousy, hoplessness, anger, regret. I want to feel love peace forgivness greatfullness and optimism. i know a fast is the fastest way to get back to these feelings. So here i go on my new journey. A journey to regain my peace.

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• Re: Day I   by hhdog24     16 y
  • Re: Day I   by ausjulie     16 y