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8/5/14: worry, heartache, sadness, and a bit of happiness 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
“Nothing thicker than a knife’s blade separates happiness from melancholy.”
― Virginia Woolf, Orlando
Depression is really not fun dealing with. I haven’t been doing well at all with either achieving goals or trying motivate myself in doing them. I haven’t even wrote down my weekly goals for the month, which I was doing in January and February. I was late doing one in March and I haven’t done one since. I will try to get a list of weekly goals drawn up for the month of August by tomorrow. I am really doing to try.
My friend at the Courthouse gave ... read more 8/4/14: Hanging on, but it is hard. 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
Monday, August 4, 2014
“They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don’t think it’s possible for you to miss me as much as I’m missing you right now” ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay
It is sad when things never seem to change. D. still doesn’t talk to me much. If anything, it is just a single sentence. I really miss know all the newer things he is reading about or doing. I felt like I am just pestering him. I really miss our closeness, we once had. I haven’t seen him in over a month and I am really feeling it.
I know I am being stupid about it ... read more 8/3/14: Nothing has changed 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.” ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment
Same old, same old life. Nothing has changed from yesterday except I am reading, watching PBS and eating good food. I haven’t really worked toward any goals, which I really should but I am just not motivated to do anything. I watched TV most of the day and took several naps. I couldn’t really go anywhere, since I had to pay out $360 this week ($310 for my lot rent and & ... read more 7/22/2014: Sadness runs my life. 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
July 22, 2014
“What you must understand about me is that I’m a deeply unhappy person.”
~ John Green, Looking for Alaska
I am not currently on a fast. I haven’t been since February. I never did get very far. At this point, I don’t really care. February seems so long ago right now. So much has happened, which I can’t figure if it is a good thing or not. My heart still chases D. And spending some time with him in late June, confuses me even more. He has told me that he doesn’t know what he wants. (Of course, that was when he was drinking) As well as other things that break my heart ... read more 2/5/14: So very disappointed, sad, and I really need SPRING! 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
February 5, 2014
“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.” ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
I am disappointed that I didn’t get a snow day. We didn’t get much snow. Only about 3 inches were all the counties around us got more (I knew this would happen). We were only on a Level One and all the countries around us were a Level Two. The bad thing about it is that the roads were horrible. They were covered with ice. I woke up early to see how bad it was and if it was bad enough that I wouldn’t be able to get out of my drive way. (No such luck). I went out to my car aro ... read more 2/4/14: Day 2 of Water Fast - Failure and VERY Disappointed! 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
February 4, 2014
“We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Diary
Day 2 of Water fast (Started February 3, 2014)
I am feeling good, but I would rather sleep in. I felt asleep very early last night (About 9:15 p.m. or so). I talked to my Stepmother for a bit, and I was yawning to beat the band. I didn’t take me much to fall asleep, even if I was trying very hard to read some of my book. I kind of failed at that. When I took a shower, I worked on my numbers in French which was a good thing. I think I am going ... read more 2/3/14: Day 1 of Water fast: Positive and upbeat on a Monday 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
February 3, 2014
“When snow melts, what does it become?’
It becomes water, of course’
Wrong! It becomes spring!” ~ Natsuki Takaya
Day 1 of my Water fast (Started February 3, 2014)
Monday, Monday. And things are as normal as they can be for a Monday. I am still waiting for Spring. I am so tired of the piles of snow. But things are looking up for me. And Today is the first day of my Water fast. I hope to at least last until Saturday, February 8, 2014. I am really hoping to fast until February 11th or 12th, but the way things have been going for me, I will just have to see.
We ... read more 2/2/14: Laughter and Chocolate is happiness to the soul! 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
February 2, 2014
“A little Madness in the Spring Is wholesome even for the King.” ~Emily Dickinson
Yeah, I didn’t go see Buckeye Chuck not see his shadow. And I didn’t go to church either. But I did listen to the local radio station pull the little groundhog out and announce what he didn’t see. It was pretty cool. I guess there were only about 50 people there. I guess I could have went and not felt too crowded around people. I thought there was going to be more people then that. But then again, everyone else probably though that too. I am not surprised that Spring is on it way, as i ... read more 2/1/14: A new month, new goals and new achievements 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
February 1, 2014
“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.” ~ Hal Borland
It was nice to sleep in a bit, but with Mekong that was almost impossible, as she wanted to crawl as close to me as possible. It was a lot nicer as I could tell it was a lot warmer, as I wasn’t holding a chill as I was before. I actually was a bit motivated more then I was been the last week. I laid in bed (at 6:00 a.m.) listening to the Saturday morning gardening show with Ron Wilson. I listened to them until it went off at 7:00 a.m. That is when I tried to sleep in a little bit, but Mekong didn’t w ... read more 1/31/14: Changing slowing, Both with my body and mind. 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 31, 2014
“One person’s craziness is another person’s reality.” ~Tim Burton
I woke up around 6:00 a.m. and I was listening to the radio. (I hate the buzzing alarm, I have always used the radio to wake up to) and they said one of the popular songs by Daftpunk was “Get lucky”. I was suprized they played it on a A.M. Station. I actually got to grooving, because I really like that song, and hadn’t heard it in a while. That prompted me to go find my MP3 player and put a fresh battery in it, and listen to it while I made my bed, Got dress, weighed myself, took my measurements, and ... read more 1/30/14: Learning what works for me. It isn't always easy. 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 30, 2014
“Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.”
― Paulo Coelho, Brida
My night was fitful, and I tossed and turned a lot. I think it was because of what I ate an hour or so before bed. I should know better than to put something heavy on my stomach after I haven’t eaten anything in a couple days. It was so horrible, if made me feel like I wanted to throw up. I guess I just have just went with the no appetite, instead of trying to eat something when I really didn’t feel like it. My stomach was growling in the morning ... read more 1/29/14: A little heartache makes moving forward something. 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 29, 2014
“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ~ Laurell K. Hamilton, Mistral’s Kiss
I saw a post on Facebook today which kind of got me. I have a couple really mouth friends, which I tolerate, because “Hey, I am an understanding person” like that. Well, she was complaining how other younger mothers were complaining about their children. She was complaining and upset, because she struggles with infertility (probably due to her large obesity problem and being diabetic) and how younger mothers in their 20s sh ... read more 1/28/14: The Winter weather only gives me time to think. 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 28, 2014
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
This weather is pushing me down, making me feel more horrible then I usually am. Usually I can find solace in small thing small, like a good book, a cuddle with Mekong or just a beautiful view. Everything around me just seems so drab and cold.
My phone is silent. D. hasn’t texted me at all. I said a couple cheerful things to him and tried to engage him into conversation, but nothing. I am back to talking to myself onc ... read more 1/27/14: Ideas twirl around my head along with my depression 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 27, 2014
“It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.” ~Chuck Palahniuk, Diary
Monday. Horrible Monday. I just wanted to lay in bed all day because it was so cold out. It was like 3 degrees out. I can’t handle this freezing cold much longer. I am having to be very careful about making sure my faucets are making tiny streams in order for them not freeze.
Sigh. Part of me wishes that I had someone to hold me tight on those cold nights, And someone I could talk to me on those ... read more 1/26/14: Disappointment, Sadness and Darkness 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 26, 2014
“That’s the thing about pain,” Augustus said, and then glanced back at me. ”It demands to be felt”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
My day started off good. I felt more whole and especially warmer then I was Friday. I almost felt chipper and wanted to clean, pick up things, work on my novel, etc. But I ended up just relaxing a lot through out the day. No reason to jump into working my body into a frenzy when I had taxed it so the last 5 days. (I am sure I could have done more, but I guess Sundays are meant to be a bit lazy)
I read a bit, snuggled with ... read more 1/25/14: Broke fast. I didn't want to take a chance. 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 25, 2014
“Get Off The Scale!
You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance. ~― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
I broke my Water fast (Started January 20, 2014)
I broke it last Friday night with drinking some Cranberry juice. On the way home I picked up a 12 inch Subway sub for later when I needed it. I started off with the cranberry juice first. I drank about 6 ounces s ... read more 1/24/14: Day 5 of Water Fast: Hanging on, but cold, cold! 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 24, 2014
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” ~Robert F. Kennedy
Day 5 of Water fast (Started January 20, 2014)
I have made it to Day 5 of my water fast. I can’t say that I am very happy with it at the moment because it is so very cold out. So cold that I think I might have to eat something to get my inner temperature back up. It was -7 degrees out and my trailer is only set at 65 degrees, and it was much colder then 65, I believe. I don’t want to end this fast, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so very cold. Monday and Tuesday next week it is goin ... read more 1/23/14: Day 4 of Water Fast: Still trudging along slowly. 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 23, 2014
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
~Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Day 4 of Water fast (Started January 20, 2014)
I have made it to Day 4. I can’t believe it but yet I can. It has been really easy so far. I haven’t feel very chipper, but that is normal once my body kick starts burning fat instead of using the sugars stored in my liver. I didn’t want to get up this morning at all. It was really cold. Not at cold as it was the other night, but still cold. (3 degrees). I had a horrible taste in ... read more 1/22/14: Day 3 of Water Fast: Made it past one major hurdle! 10 y
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
January 22, 2014
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” ~ Helen Keller, The Open Door
Day 3 of Water fast (Started January 20, 2014)
I made it to day 3!! I am so proud of myself. I made it, I made it. So now, I just have to take every day slowly until I get to Day 15 (February 3rd – that doesn’t seem too far away, does it?) The goal is just to get to Day 6 (January 25). I don’t know what D. or J. are doing. I don’t know if she or the Cowboy is going to ask to see me or not. If he wants to see me, I might have to decline, because I won’t have a lot of money to go to ... read more |