a moment of sanity... an awakening... when we suddenly realize that everything we valued in life has little or no value at all... it's just material stuff... and we see for the first time how wrong our life has been... that is one of the most brutal things about having soundness of mind... suddenly we can see the insanity so clearly... and sometimes this can be a very lonely situation to have to endure... with no one turn to... for no one seems to understand...

i think what you are experiencing is a spiritual awakening... the real "YOU"... your Soul/Spirit is finally taking charge... most of us are "ego" driven... just as you described your previous life... the "ego" sees all the material things in life very important and as top priority... whereas the soul sees life from a more realistic perspective... for the truth of the matter is that the "ego"(the person we thought we were) does not exist... it exists only in our own head...

it might take some time... some deep soul searching for you to fully understand... but the "ego" is merely a character we play... there is the character that we think we are... and then we have the character that we protray to world... and all the while we are simply playing a role... the "ego" and everything about the "ego" is a lie... and is driven by "fear"...

i think the "ego" has a lot to do with the mind trying to save us... to protect us from ever being hurt again... and the mind is quite unique in it's ability to protect itself... even to the point of amnesia... or denial... but the bottom line is this... and it is important that you understand... "YOU"... are not your "mind"... the mind is merely a tool to be used... yet most of us are indeed ruled by our minds... we are often dominated and controlled... and sometimes paralyzed by the thoughts that seem to constantly plague us... but since you are "aware" now... you should try to think of yourself as being two individual entities... one being the real "YOU/SPIRIT" and the other being false "you/ego"... so practice being "aware/awake/alert"... and be very observant of your thoughts... do not act or react to them... simply let them come and go as they please... and try always to be detached from them... and in time you will know precisely which is "ego" and which is "Spirit"... and you will also know that "guilt... shame... remorse... regret... grief... depression... anxiety... worry... resentment... anger... frustration... and any other negative emotions that i failed to mention are simpy tools of the "ego"... so as you can see...

who you thought you were you aint...
for truly... you really are a saint...
it has to do with who... is in control...
that determines the soundness of your Soul...

so stay awake... and watch the show...
watch the workings of your own "ego"...
the self that pretended to be your friend...
is out to get you in the end...

start with forgiveness and letting go...
learning to love yourself as you should...
the past is the past and cannot be changed...
and we know... that you would... if you could...

forgive your ignorance... it doesn't exist...
and it really doesn't get any better than this...
if you wish to taste freedom you must learn to let go...
and be freed from the bondage... of that crazy 'ego'...

hope some of this made sense to you...
lol...
;-)