You do need help. You are asking for help on an international, public forum where there are predators, trolls, and nefarious types just waiting to sell you their ”cures” for whatever ails you. Being as vulnerable as you are, you want someone to fix all of this and make it go away, and this is not going to happen. Ever. What can happen is that you will be able to put these experiences in the past where they belong, process the feelings that are associated with them, learn to manage your trust and PTSD issues, and live a contented life.
Seek the help of a licensed professional therapi ...
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